Should we skip a family holiday because my nephew hurts my children?

[KidPlantMum]

Hello, I'd like your thoughts please. My nephew (9) likes to play with my children (similar age) but often ends up hurting them. That has happened a few years now but hes getting bigger and the hurt is dangerous now. The most severe incidents have been attempted drowning in the pool on holiday. My children don't want to be alone with him any more and of course I honour that and want to protect them so I supervise all playtime. But sometimes the nephew is sneaky with his behaviour and I see the hurt just afterwards. He is aware that I watch and sometimes says 'come over here where your mum can't see us.'

His parents do not address the behaviour. They behave as if my account of what happened or my children's account isn't true/important and there are no consequences or sitting down with him to discuss his behaviour. They simply remove him and find something else to do, but that hasn't been effective. Other members of the family say he's always looking forward to seeing my kids, but I won't have them as his guinea pigs for playdates.

We have a family holiday coming up again and my children don't want to go. I want to keep them away and keep them safe so do not want to attend but my husband disagrees because he doesn't want to let down family.

Your advice please. Is there anything I can do to make family time safe? l can't think of what else to do but supervise but that has not been good enough. If we don't go on the holiday, how do I explain that to family?

Thank you

Are you insane even contemplating going. Thd iuds nees sold serious help, take your kids away by y9urself. Stay away from this bully.

You've given the parents previous opportunity to address this and they haven't.

I wouldn't go. You'd be on edge all the time and your kids will feel you aren't protecting them.

Surely your husband has seen this lad's behaviour for himself?

I was the ‘hurt’ child in this scenario. Please, please don’t go. Your child shouldn’t spend the holiday scared (at best).

Your husband is either dangerously stupid or just dangerous.

This is the second thread I’m seeing right now where a seemingly spineless and cowardly husband has tried to force a wife to choose a certain course of action to keep the peace even though it’s not in the best interest of their kids .

Absolutely no chance. Your poor children should never be subjected to this kind of behaviour for anyone. Dh needs to explain why you won't be going.

Don't go. My nephew is the same (but younger so maybe not so much of a threat for now). I won't host him anymore and I'm transparent about why. Your kids safety comes first and it is your duty to protect them.

Dh can go alone then.

If someone tried to drown my child, I would not be going on holiday with them, coupled with all the other incidences.

Your children are scared, so Keep your children safe. They’re the ones that matter.

Well you’ve left it a bit late if it’s already booked. Harder to say you’ve made other plans this time.

But constant vigilance doesn’t sound like much of a holiday, so make other plans, if you can.

I'd be having an argument with my DH if this was his family. He needs to address his nephews behaviour with his family. Trying to drown a cousins is not normal behaviour. I'd be worried about his mental health. The nephews behaviour is like a tragic accident waiting to happen. No way would I be letting the little psycho near my DC.

Sounds stressful and awful. You need to protect your children, even if it means falling out with your husband.

ask dh is he going to be the parent that watches the interactions every single time they’re together?
no thought not

have the dc actually told him they don’t want to go and why??

why didn’t you say no before it got booked?

I would not be taking my children and seeing as you’ve already raised your concerns they shouldn’t be surprised when your dh tells them you won’t be going.

lastly tell dh to grow a pair and protect his kids the fucking wet wipe

Where is your motherly instinct to protect your children as your first priority? Bugger what anyone else thinks or says. Don't put your children in harms way and advise your in laws to sort him/seek help out before his behavior leads him to become something even worse in the future.

Future psychopath right there!

Unfortunately you probably just have to suck it up and make sure you don't leave your children out of your sight. It won't be a very fun holiday but doable. We had exactly the same problem years ago and DH's family played down everything. We are all on good terms but DH and I secretly agreed never to let DD be alone with the nephew.

If you're in a resort style place then you can try to book as many activities or day trips that means you're away from this child. Or find excuses to take walks, take naps in the room so you don't have to be vigilant all the time. And since you've already taken this holiday, you have a good excuse to skip the next one.

It's not actually booked yet, the family just assume we're going along. It's a big family birthday.

Not booked? Make it clear that you're not going if Psycho Nephew is going to be there.

Bloody hell. Of course you don't go. Are you serious?

Absolutely not. Attempting drowning? Getting them to places he can hurt them? That's bloody scary. Tell dh to tell his family and draw a line.

Why is this a question?

Of course you don't fucking go!

Why would you endanger your kids?

I wouldn't go. The nephew needs professional help and your kids need to be kept away from him. And your DH needs to sort out his priorities. Your kids' safety and mental wellbeing are more important than a birthday celebration.

So he actively tries to lure young children away from their parents. Is he killing animals yet??
I really don't see the issue here. Speak up for your children, no one else will.

I wouldn’t go . Family time on holiday is precious , you’ll be drained keep having to watch and your kids don’t want to go anyway . A conversation needs to be had as to why .

Don't go.

Them: We must book the holiday

You: We won’t be joining you, Jason has been hurting my DC, it’s been getting much worse, you’ll remember he tried to drown one of them, and we can’t keep them safe around him so we’re going to do something different

DH: Waaaah, other people’s feelings are more important than our DCs safety

You: Over my dead body, you can’t seriously expect me to watch that psycho kid trying to kill out DC. Go if you like but you’re not taking the children.

Stop seeing these awful people.

If it’s not booked yet then start making your position extremely clear, immediately.

This is very far from normal behaviour. Your children are afraid of him and he sounds dangerous . Do the parents not notice ? I wonder how he behaves in school ? Your DH should be talking to your in laws, this is really serious.