Social referral.. never had this before and absolutely terrified

[Wonderland12]

Speech & language referred to SS apparently school have raised concerns also but not said anything. Allegations are dental neglect and that his teeth “look dirty” - has weak teeth dentist visit today confirmed reduce in sugar but otherwise all dental care perfect brushing by ourselves and no issue with brushing teeth all being done as should. Required some treatment which was given but nothing out of the ordinary or extreme. Dentist said it’s just where he has has previous treatment and stains it looks “dirty” but nothing wrong. He has routine appointments we attend all and he goes to any treatments they plan.

Permanent stain on school clothes - they raised stains or marks on school jumper. Clothes always washed but has got a permanent small stain about 5mm wide on one and a couple of very light pen marks on the other.. they don’t come out I’ve tried.

Says he has a dirty neck sometimes.. he has a bath at least twice a week, usually plays outside school in the mornings before they go in with his friends in the grass on the field & also eats a breakfast pastry on the way to school and he’s not a clean eater. Could be from that but he is bathed and cleaned regularly we are not dirty people!!

Now have to wait for a SS call or visit, absolutely beside myself as he is extremely well cared for the anxiety is horrific thinking people think he might not be cared for when it couldn’t be further from the truth

Even Google will tell you that children should only be having 2/3 baths a weeks and any more can be harmful.

Likely won't get up early enough. One of my neighbours told me when our boys was in primary school that she gets him up 15 or 20 mins before they have to leave for breakfast club. How is that time for proper food, hygiene, basic housekeeping and just a peaceful existence? This is what her son has learned from her.

Now as a teen he looks grubby, smells mouldy, his clothes are always creased and shoes/trainers filthy and leaning to the side. He's from a well to do background is getting a degree in a subject likely to lead to a job in finance though, so he will likely still be a catch to those who can ignore his smell and just focus on his earning potential.

No it doesn't say that at all. Dermatologists have disproved that myth and bathing is part of applying many topical treatments for skin conditions. This is just excuses by people who cant be bothered to adopt regular hygiene practices at this point.

Just wash your kids.

I found a vast difference to my skin, which had become very sensitive, when I showered every other day as recommended by my midwife v every day, when pregnant. I was also told not to bathe DD1 every day as she developed eczema, and again her skin got better and was better if not washed so frequently. With DD2 I automatically put that into practice. I go by my own experience, there is a massive cosmetics and toiletries industry out there that wants us to feel we smell and are dirty and ugly should use as many products as possible to rectify that.

Please do not worry.
There are kids who have no access to baths, no breakfasts and never have clean uniforms.
This is a bizarre low bar.

Ahhh yes, so what you are saying is that the stereotypes found online are worth taking seriously in any way? And it isn't racist to bring those into a discussion as though they have any basis in fact?

Many races have a 'reputation' online, I certainly wouldn't want to be judged by the things ignorant bigots sterotype my race with online.

I'm black, should I 'look up' the things people say about my race?

What you are doing and saying is ignorant and racist.

Absolutely. I suggested the Op might be doing this earlier. But apparently anything less than a daily shower is neglect.

A lot of posters are assuming Op has a shower ( Op said bath which uses loads more water).
A lot of posters are assuming Op has the means to afford hot water.

Yes it does.

You can literally google it yourself.

People with skin conditions are different as it often soothes the skin but experts state that you must then put on the skin cream afterwards to lock in the moisture (which bathing dries out).

Children without skin conditions are not recommended in having more than 3 baths a weeks.

If the OP can’t afford hot water, and she isn’t washing her child (which she isn’t if the school can see the child is visibly dirty) then the school are justified in the referral to social services.
Don’t feed your children a convenience, processed and expensive breakfast out of laziness and then claim you can’t afford to wash your kids.
It is absolutely possible to have your children clean and turned out well for school on a tiny cost. Anyone who doesn’t do it isn’t making enough effort.

Stereotypes come from recognised patterns of behaviour. The fact that we have mostly indigenous Brits arguing that a filthy child doesnt need to be bathed more often hardly refutes the idea that as a country and culture, our hygiene is very poor.

If you don't want people to believe white people have poor hygiene, don't be white and publicly arguing against decent hygiene standards like you are now.

Ive already linked research refuting this. There is no basis for not bathing daily. Just start washing properly. It takes an extra ten minutes a day but sets up a lifetime of good habit.

A sufficient wipe down with a flannel will take longer than a shower under running water.

I mean google literally says; Daily bathing is not required unless your child is visibly dirty, sweaty, or wearing sunscreen.

This child is visibly dirty in several ways, the OP can see mud from morning play and the school can see a build up of grime on the child’s neck.
If other people can see that your child is only bathed twice a week it’s clearly not enough.

How on earth do know the race and backgrounds of any of the posters on this thread? Are you magic?

My family certainly were impressed with the far safer sanitation when they came to the UK.

I'm done arguing with you. People can not be reasoned out of ignorance unfortunately, and it would be rude of me to fill the thread with this pointless detour any more than necessary.

Absolutely correct.

I agree with everything you've put, but I still can't work out how OP knows the school has concerns. She said her speech therapist referred her and then that she found out the school had concerns aswell. But she hasn't even had a phone call from SS yet.

And I know they will want a whole picture of the DC from all professionals, but it seems like a lot of detail when she hasn't had a social worker even call her yet. Who passed all this info on?

Jeeze: this is always a worry for me too. My son’s teeth are fine; but his clothes get bloody ruined all the time. He wears something once and then there is a stain in it. Comes home from school with ripped knees on his joggers.

The majority of the site are white and my experience tells me that only us white people push back on this. For most other cultures, there is no question. So that's hiw they give it away.

Please could you quote the research?

i was advised on here that my son's eczema would much better if he doesnt bathe daily, which seems to be the case.

Exsctly so this child definitely needs bathing more and it probably looks like this because it isnt having daily baths.

I did already.

https://academic.oup.com/bjd/article/194/3/450/8315016?login=false

No you haven’t.

You linked research that shows that from a very small study group those that already suffer with eczema found no correlation between their symptoms and the amount of washing they did - so it was up to personal choice.

The expert advice remains the same.
That for children who haven’t started puberty, washing 2/3 times a week is recommended.

If you have a skin condition, daily bathing is fine as long as you then use the ointments/creams to lock in the moisture afterwards.

One of the things yhat should be used on exzema is a ln emollient oil that you put in the bath and/or wash with. That is a daily treatment.

Yes. So the nonsense that daily bathing is bad for exzema was proven false in a RCT. Given that bathing has hygiene benefits and is part of applying treatment, why would you not bathing daily other than being lazy and dirty or having parents that can't be arsed to keep you clean?

Yes. Really. Honestly.

This might just come down to cultural difference as PP’s have alluded to. I am UK born but my parents are not. No parent from my cultural background would only wash their child twice a week, it would be considered completely unacceptable. Children sweat, poo and don’t wipe properly, run their hands over all kinds of crap etc. They need to be properly washed not a quick swipe with a flannel or (god help us) baby wipes.

A sugary pastry every now and again is one thing but OP seems to indicate her child eats this every day while walking to school? Of course that is neglect. He is not eating properly.

SS would not be in the picture if this was just a situation where a kid is turning up to school looking a bit unkempt now and then. There are obviously a combination of factors at play here that are causing concern and it would be remiss of teachers at the school to not flag them. They see a lot of children day in and day out and know what the markers of neglect look like.

People downplaying this and telling the OP not to worry because they grew up with a tin bath and washed once a week, never mind about the nutritionally poor breakfast because most kids eat sugary cereal are really not helping.