I need to get over 'girl envy'

[IKnowIambeingmad]

My best friend has just had a girl. She already has a boy. I have two beautiful and healthy ds's but I feel quite envious that she now has a girl(but am v. happy for her too).
I have always wanted girls and both times I was really disappointed.
I know this feeling is stupid and irrational and I should be thankful,but I can't help it.
I do love my boys very much but feel like I'm missing something.
Please give me a slap.

dont knock it yet!

its impossible for me to love any child more than i love my boys! wise words psycho

I sometimes wonder what it would've been like if either or both DSs were girls.

And then DS2 shows up with his pink sunglasses on and I think "Not much different, really - maybe his hair would be longer".

I'd be interested to see how I was as mum to a girl, but I think I am destined to be mum to boys. And I see why, now I've read Chipmonkey's excellent post - I'm really not a pampering spa sort of person (strangers rubbing you - no thanks).

I'd be fascinated to see what a girl I had looked like though - how shallow is that?! But only because the boys are SO similar in looks - would a girl be similarly chocolate brown-eyed, long-lashed and rosebud mouthed or would she draw the short straw and be bald for the first three years of her life and have no eyebrows?!

Haven't read whole thread but was glad to see allgonebellyup posting about ds playing with doll's house - why do toys have to be for boys or girls, particularly when they're young? Mind you, I've no intention of getting ds (aged 13 months) a toy machine gun EVER, but I can't do much about him playing with the one belonging to my CM's youngest ds (aged 7). One of the birthday presents which was chosen for DS by someone who loves him and knew he would like it was... a dustpan and brush (real) from my dad. I've got my fingers crossed that I can persuade him in a year or so that actually doing some vacuuming is a great game (at the moment he likes putting away the power chord best).

I'd love to have a little girl - I don't suppose ds is going to appreciate Noel Streatfield or the school and other girly kids' books that I've kept from my own childhood. But I can't imagine DS being anyone but our little boy, even him being our little girl.

OP, did you find out earlier or when they were born what flavour you were having?

I truly wasn't bothered either way, and then when she was born.....i think i was secretly pleased she was a girl, but saying that would i have felt the same had they said it's a boy???

DD1 is 20 months older than my id girl DTs. So I'll invite you round to my house in about 10 years (when they'll be 15 and 13) - I imagine that would cure any girl envy . DH says he's going to build a big shed and live in it for 5 years .

I am really happy with my girls and have always secretly felt sorry for my friends who only have boys...but then I looked after my friend's 2 y.o. DS yesterday and so enjoyed him I was disappointed when she came to pick him up! I even changed my first ever boy nappy . I'm not having any more, but if I did, I would actually be hoping for a boy!

I am the other way round and never wanted girls. I used to say I wanted three boys. Then I had one boy and decided two children was enough so wanted two boys. Then got pg with twins and was a bit nervous as would have been disappointed to have two girls, but ended up with one of each, so now I have two boys and one girl. Everyone says "ooh didn't you do well getting one of each" , as though I had a hand in it..

However, I am kind of glad I got a girl too, although would have been happy with all boys, and DD is by far the most difficult PITA I have ever encountered (and she's not 6 months old yet).

I think I will slap you, as requested.

However much I do see partly where you're coming from (as had a preference with my first baby), I had 2 babies - both boys - and the first was stillborn. The second was born prematurely.

While I can totally understand the OP feeling a degree of disappointment at knowing you won't have a girl, I am a bit about people who use words such as devastated to describe how they felt/will feel at having a boy. Is that really an appropriate word to use to describe your feelings at giving birth to your child? If so I think you need a reality check.

I am actually being very restrained in my post here as I could say a lot more, but I feel that maybe a lot of people won't want to hear it and I may be criticised but I can't help feeling the way I do.

I know exactly where you are coming from OP. I had a boy first, and was so shocked as I'd convinced myself I was having a girl. I was jealous of friends who had girls. I then had 3 girls. I do love the clothes and the toys, but emotionally it is so much harder. DS went to school and had mates and that was that. With girls it's all so complicated and manipulative. And that's just primary age!

Btw, when I say I had a preference with my first baby, it was a very slight one and mostly fuelled by everyone else's preference for me having a girl. When I really thought about it I didn't mind at all.

I really wanted a son, and when I got pregnant I just knew I was having a boy. I had this ideal that a boy first then a girl was the right combination, ie that older boys look after their younger sisters. Also I was a terrible teenager and well boys just love their mums don't they. At the scan I was apparently having a girl, I was stunned and kind of refused to believe it, it took me weeks to come around to it. Of course she's my little princess now and I'm not at all bothered about having a son as she's such a delight ( ask me in 13 years time though) I think its common to have a preference, but its amazing how adaptable we are.

I am very happy with my two boys, but do remember thinking "what on earth do I do with a boy?!" when I found out I was expecting DS1, and 8 years on I am still learning!!

I sometimes look after a friends two girls, and they are so quiet and calm compared to my noisy, physical, silly word obsessed boys, and that's when I may experience a little girl envy!

Pink champagne - I also experience good girl envy whenever I meet girls that are quiet and calm compared to my noisy, physical, silly word obsessed two girls.

I once had a mother of two boys tell me that my dd1 is the most lively child she has ever met!

Lol at good girl envy, belgo! That is kind of reassuring to hear!

I have two Ds's and never really cared what I was having but I find myself really envious of people with one of each. Its not about me wanting a girl necessarily. I know people who have two girls, some born recently and I don't feel jealous of them, I only feel jealous if they hav both as it just seems they have it all perfect complete little family.

Alexanderpander's mum. Every body has there own sphere of reference. What seems like a ridiculously self-indulgent preference might have a basis which makes it slightly less selfish and insensitive.

WHen I discovered I was having a boy I was I'll admit 'devastated'. My own childhood was dominated by brothers. My childhood was spent begging for mercy. I had brothers sitting on my head, locking me in cupboards, tying me up, forcing me to watch 3 Rocky films back to back on christmas day!! It just never ended. My parents NEVER ever intervened. I have only recently forgiven my parents for never ever rescuing me or meting out better justice. They still don't get it though. So I have to just let it go.

I am so sorry you lost a child. I know that that is real pain. Intellectually I always knew my sense of disappointment was ungrateful and to you, disgraceful, but knowing that didn't dissipate the feelings. I just felt all the more dreadful for having them.

I only wanted girls. The first was a girl and I naturally assumed the next one would be. We then had 3 boys. I was so disappointed when DS3 was born because that was our last chance for another little girl.

I always wanted a sister, but have just one younger brother. My only female cousin is 15 years younger than me. We live in an area where people tend to live near their mum and sisters and I've always felt I missed out on that relationship.

DD was not a girly girl. She started having temper tantrums at 10 months which didn't stop until she was 11 She moaned, she whined, she sulked. She didn't ever want to do anything. She wouldn't wear dresses, wanted short hair and wasn't interested in dolls. At all. (and I was a very "dolly" little girl). When people with just boys made comments about girls being quiet and tidy I used to seethe inwardly.

She moved out at 17 and has always been far more attached to friends than family- always choosing them over us.

2 of my boys started ballet at 11 and 6. They did annual shows and there was a real kudos and camaraderie in the boys dressing room. Little girls at ballet are 10 a penny but boys got away with murder.

The one who didn't do ballet started ballroom dancing classes with me about 3 years ago because DH wouldn't come. He is the one who notices if I'm upset; will come somewhere to keep me company and is generally a lovely companion. Sadly (for me, not him) he's off to Uni this Autumn

We had a "surprise" baby last year. I was quite prepared for another DS but got the shock of my life to have DD2. So far she is a joy, but she is only 15 months, so she has time

I haven't read the whole thread, but I'm so glad someone's posted this message. I feel I'm becoming obsessed about little girls. I have 2 dss, both of which have been really difficult in their own way. I love them both to bits, but I must admit I was disappointed both times as I really wanted a girl. A friend of mine is due to give birth again soon (she has a ds1) and I'm dreading her having a girl as I know I'll feel really jealous. Somebody give me a slap too,as I know I should just be so thankful for my 2 beautiful healthy dss!

Not read whole thread but borrow a (preferably primrys chool aged) girl for the day - you will soon be thanking the heavens you have boys!

god....i always earwig the little girls playing together at our park - and the bitchy things they say to each other make my hair curl.
Now i remember why i pretty much exclusively hung out with boys at that age.
we're ttc #2 (have a DS) at the mo, and i will have very mixed feelings if it's a girl, i really will.

not all girls are bitches . same as not all boys are boisterous and loud

children are children

makes me sad when all girls are labelled as potential bitches

god help the first person who refers to my DD as such.

I didn't label anyone a bitch, i used an adjective wrt behaviour, not a noun wrt a person.
I have eyes and ears, and hear and see this behaviour daily, so would worry about any daughter of mine dishing it out or suffering from it.
Of course not ALL girls do this - i didn't, for example, but i suffered from lots of it, so obviously i'm going to have his in mind if i have a girl myself.

so the behaviour is bitchy,not the girl.. well, ok....

i have heard and seen boys being nasty and cruel . and girls do it too

i don;t think it is gender. it is children.

Yes, of course boys can be cruel - no-one's suggesting that they're all apple-cheeked Roister Doisters, with pockets all a-brim with conkers and dormice and good clean mischief.
Bu, in my experience - both in childhood and adulthood, I've got on better with boys and men because they're much more straightforward. Girls are more subtle abou things, as they're not encouraged to be as overt with wants/likes dislikes and their own anger/aggression, so it comes out as verbal/indirect.
Yes, this is a generalisation, but it's based on experience, and, as a result of my experiences throughout life, i will have these mixed (note mixed - not crushing disappointment) feelings.