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Original poster

Was I overreacting about teenagers without transport home after drinking!?!

297 replies

Mumsytutu · 09/08/2026 09:40

Morning,

I wanted to gather some perspective and others thoughts on something that isn’t sitting right with me. It’s actually really upset me but unsure if my moral compass is just a bit ‘stiff’ compared to other parents.

Last night my 14 (nearly 15) year old DS had 12 friends over in the garden for a few drinks (strict rules on no excessive drinking!!) I was struggling with the drinking part in the first place truth be told, then had a good think about what I was doing at 14! Drinking in the garden is definitely a much preferable option. (This isn’t the first garden party. he’s attended others, and has always proved himself responsible).

It was both boys and girls. We know the majority of the boys parents and they’re good kids, most came along with one or 2 ciders. Fine.

Evening was good (very noisy!) but we only have 1 neighbour so I had pre warned them and it was to be finished at 10pm, they were fine about it. The kids were fine. No dramas.

My DS confiscated some vodka from the girls to adhere to the no excessive drinking rules so I was comfortable that he was being responsible. For clarity, he had 2 ciders and the boys were mainly kicking a football around and having a giggle. Girls sat gossiping, all the usual sort of behaviour.

Boys and a couple of girls were collected by parents promptly and all was well.

That left 4 girls. About 10:30pm I went out to see what was going on as the girls had congregated on my drive, turns out they were waiting for * ‘s dad to send an Uber. We live in a village so whilst Ubers are possible, they are not super easy to get. I immediately offered them a lift home.
they refused and assured me an uber was on its way. I wouldn’t get my child an Uber personally, but each to their own.

I told them to come back inside and wait here. They used the loo before all disappearing (thanking me on the way out). I assumed their Uber had arrived.

My DS then gets a call to go to them. He disappears. I give him a few minutes and follow him to see what’s going on.

The girls are sat on the side of the road with one on the phone to her Dad asking for an Uber. (Clearly Uber has not been sorted!!). Another girl is on the phone to her mum and is clearly getting quite upset. I offer again to take them home. The ‘uber girl’ refuses on behalf of them all.

At this point, and as her dad is on loud speaker (Dad is away in a different city), I put my foot down and said I wasn’t happy they were sat on the side of the road with no transport home. I insist they let me drive them home. (Dad pipes up and tells her to “just get the lift home, she was supposed to be home for 10pm”) All the girls follow me back to my house and I take them home.

It then transpires that they were not all staying at ‘uber girls’ house (as I had assumed) and 2 of them were planning to then get a bus to another location. It’s now 11:15pm- I don’t think so!! Thankfully the buses have stopped running … so they’ll walk. We’re near the city, just no!! I insist they let me drive them and they agree. It was about a 7 minute drive!

Whats not sitting right with me (in case it isn’t obvious) is that at least 2 of the girls parents involved here have no idea their girls were just wondering around hoping to get an Uber home, if they knew they were even out! I would be furious if this was my child.
Why had no one arranged a lift with a parent and why did Uber Girls parents think this was all ok? I have no idea if Uber girls Mum was even home (apparently, she doesn’t care, this is she Dad her on the phone when he asked if she’d called her Mum). I know this is really non of my business, but it kind of is as I had to sort it out as I could not in good conscience just ‘leave them to it’.

I have a DD who is 10. This has really shocked me and certainly made me think. I would never let any of my children make their own way home after a party/ drinking etc. I’m really struggling to imagine any parent would if the knew the whole story!?

Am I being over sensitive here? Should I be doing something to talk to the parents (I would want to know, although hopefully wouldn’t ever put my child in this position)- I would rather not contact the parent, but should I be?…
Or is this usual behaviour and i’m just out of touch/ overprotective? I’m completely flabbergasted to be honest.

Would appreciate other parents thoughts, the friends I have spoken to (boy mums!) are also completely shocked.

Thanks for reading.

OP posts:
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glam11 · 09/08/2026 19:17

Nojudginghere · 09/08/2026 11:31

I started letting my children do similar to OP when they were 15 and friends were turning 16 and having parties. Before that, we allowed them to have a couple of drinks with us. We were under no illusion they would start to experiment and very much wanted it to be in the open and not something they had to lie about to us. We also wanted them to know that if they ever got into difficulties they could phone us for help (rather than getting into more difficulties because they didn’t want to admit to breaking rules!) It was def a change to how I thought I’d parent, but was an approach we decided on after a lot of consideration of how to give them freedom responsibly.
They are now 28, 23 and 21 and have grown into very responsible drinkers, all will drink socially but will also often happily drive to events/pubs and drink 0% beer. At no point did I ever not care about where they were or how they were getting home.
Of course I understand lots of people will disagree with me, but that doesn’t mean I’m wrong and they’re right. We’re all navigating parenting and making decisions we think are right for different reasons - there’s not just one way!

Edited
Show quote history

I think a lot of parents on this thread are deluded about what their kids are getting up to at 14/15 etc!!
I starting drinking wine (watered down) with my parents with Sunday dinner from a young age and I haven’t turned into a raging alcoholic with bad health issues 🤷🏼‍♀️ Everyone parents differently

Original poster
Mumsytutu · 09/08/2026 19:35

independentfriend · 09/08/2026 19:09

As primary school children we're usually taught not to accept lifts from strangers. That conditioning runs deep and might make a lift from you seem more dangerous than a properly registered minicab driver. Might she have thought you'd been drinking?

So that's a thing to teach your 10 year old when she's a bit older - friends parents are probably safe people to accept lifts from. As well as an understanding of times when bus services stop and you need a different plan.

I think on a warm summer's night it's not terrible for them to have has this experience. They'll learn to plan better for the next parties.

No, I made that clear I hadn’t been drinking, nor would I have even thought about having a drink in case I was needed (and clearly I was).

but yes, totally see what you mean here. A conversation to add to the list! Thanks

OP posts:
Sobriety78 · 09/08/2026 19:35

BoredZelda · 09/08/2026 13:55

Where do you stop with this? Why is alcohol, an adult activity, the one thing we feel we need to let them experiment with when they are children. Few people say “well, they are going to experiment with drugs so I just let them do some weed at home” Or, “they are going to have sex, so we just let them have it here (aged 13/14)”

My parents had exactly the same rules for my siblings and I when it came to alcohol. Glass of wine with a Sunday meal from early teens, allowed to have “a couple of beers/ciders” from aged 16 when we were out. But we all had very different attitudes to alcohol both as teens and as adults. My brother stuck to the rules as a teenager (largely) but left home and alcohol has pretty much dominated his life since. My sister broke all the rules, was frequently very drunk at parties when she wasn’t going home, could be found at her mates’ house during school hours getting drunk, getting the schools bus home and sleeping it off before my parents got home from work. I generally stuck to the rules, was the teenager who made sure all the others were ok, drank a bit as a student but largely haven’t touched alcohol since I was in my late 20s.

It doesn’t matter what rules you put in as kids. The fallacy that if you introduce alcohol to teenagers they will be sensible but if you restrict it they will go wild, is comforting for parents because they don’t need to face being hated by their kids, but it has absolutely no bearing on attitudes to alcohol. What is certain is, you are allowing your children to consume a toxic substance that has been proven to affect their long term health and development, even in small amounts. You are normalising alcohol being necessary in a social setting, something they will take into adulthood.

Thankfully today’s teenagers and young people are drinking far less than previous generations. Your children’s attitudes have way more to do with their peers than with you.

Show quote history

That might be your experience - my parents were the same with me as I was with my kids and we all have healthy attitudes to alcohol use.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting
Original poster
Mumsytutu · 09/08/2026 19:50

HolidayHappy123 · 09/08/2026 17:23

You allowed 14 year olds to drink in your house and your SON had to confiscate the vodka?? You are entirely responsible for the situation that created.

I allowed my kids to have the occasional drink at 14 but there’s no way in hell that I would be taking responsibility for anyone else’s underage drinking.

Just to clarify- my son was responsible for inviting children with respect and was advised to choose wisely. I was clear that anyone who came along and was disrespectful to our home/ garden wasn’t welcome. Also anyone that took it too far (ie sick) would need to call their parents to collect them and I would shut it down.

His friends also needed to follow our rules and that was ‘no excessive drinking’. He moved the hard stuff to enforce this rule.

He moved the football goals so the football didn’t bash the neighbours fence. He reminded the kids to ‘watch the flowers’ with the football bouncing around and turned the music down at 9pm as we agreed.

as much as I was ready to step in, I felt it important he take responsibility for his choice of company and he did. He wants to do this, then it’s on our terms and will only ever last as long as he follows the rules. Otherwise, never again here or anywhere else. If I can’t trust him he won’t go.

these types of get together are relatively common here. I’m not thrilled about it but we are trusting him to work with us on it. So far, we’re good.

All the best.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumsytutu · 09/08/2026 20:51

allthiscarryon · 09/08/2026 12:47

Fab mum indeed. I see what’s happened OP, you’re copying what your own crappy parent did. I wouldn’t want my kids drinking in a field or at a party or going underage clubbing.
Just not as fun as you Insuppose…

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She was. Still is.

We went to under 18 nights. Drank in the pub over the road first with fake IDs. But always with a safe route home. I could always call her if things went wrong.

My mum is not nor ever was a crappy mum. That’s a step too far.

Shes just sold her company she’s built for almost 30 years, owns 2 horses and a holiday home abroad. She is a successful, devoted woman who has worked hard in every aspect of her life to give us everything she didn’t have growing up. My entire family are really close, I love them all dearly.

She supported my friends growing up when they needed help when they had got themselves in a pickle and called our home phone. She grew up with my friends and all the heartbreak in-between, as I did my friends families. I respected my mum growing up and still do. She’s one hell of a woman.

if I could ever be half the woman she is, I’d be beyond proud of myself.

So no, not crappy. Far from it.

OP posts:
DeftGoldHedgehog · 09/08/2026 20:54

14 is a bit on the young side for parties with alcohol near us, it starts (moderately) at 16 and parents picking up before midnight. The girls definitely needed a lift - perhaps there was a mix up.

allthiscarryon · 09/08/2026 21:00

‘His friends also needed to follow our rules and that was ‘no excessive drinking’.

All drinking at 14 is excessive. Unbelievable that you expected a bunch of young teens to be mature enough to self regulate something that many adults can’t.

Realworld10 · 09/08/2026 21:13

At that age they can't be expected to to be able to handle alcohol! One can of cider and I was drunk, this was me back in the day, so I know what to expect and wouldn't allow it, far too messy!

You were being responsible with offering lifts but at that point the girls just wanted to go further and party. Of course they lied to their parents, or some didn't have to because their parents weren't bothered.

Lesson learnt, don't give a green light for alcohol because some will absolutely have a bottle of vodka under the table with the freedom they've been given. Very naive but you can move on from this.

PotatoLove · 09/08/2026 21:51

The passive aggressive "wish you all the best" when OP get rightly criticised is hilarious 😂

Original poster
Mumsytutu · 09/08/2026 22:08

PotatoLove · 09/08/2026 21:51

The passive aggressive "wish you all the best" when OP get rightly criticised is hilarious 😂

For some, ‘have the day you deserve’ might have been more appropriate 😉.

I actually didn’t mean it passive aggressive but I see your point now 🤣. I’ll end with xx next time.

xx

OP posts:
PotatoLove · 09/08/2026 22:11

Mumsytutu · 09/08/2026 22:08

For some, ‘have the day you deserve’ might have been more appropriate 😉.

I actually didn’t mean it passive aggressive but I see your point now 🤣. I’ll end with xx next time.

xx

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But..but...YOU came on here trying to act like you saved the day by making sure two young teen girls who were drinking underage in your home/garden got home safely and instead, you got rightly criticised for being utterly feckless for allowing a bunch of KIDS to underage drink and you don't like it.

You look foolish af Ma'am 😂😂😂

Original poster
Mumsytutu · 09/08/2026 22:18

PotatoLove · 09/08/2026 22:11

But..but...YOU came on here trying to act like you saved the day by making sure two young teen girls who were drinking underage in your home/garden got home safely and instead, you got rightly criticised for being utterly feckless for allowing a bunch of KIDS to underage drink and you don't like it.

You look foolish af Ma'am 😂😂😂

Edited
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It was 4 girls.

I asked for perspective. checking in to see if I was overreacting.

to some foolish maybe, that’s fine. I’m not here to look cool (see what I did there 😉). Happy to accept constructive criticism regardless. Not happy to accept a personal attack.

it’s not reckless around here. We can have a difference of opinion though, that’s fine.

all the best xx

OP posts:
INX · 09/08/2026 22:34

But you’re only allowing children to drink alcohol in your garden because according to you, they’re going to do it whether you say yes or no.

So how does that make your son responsible if he would allow his friends to disrespect your wishes and drink their booze in your garden?

It’s quite confusing really unless he’s only responsible when he’s getting his own way?

PotatoLove · 09/08/2026 22:43

Mumsytutu · 09/08/2026 22:18

It was 4 girls.

I asked for perspective. checking in to see if I was overreacting.

to some foolish maybe, that’s fine. I’m not here to look cool (see what I did there 😉). Happy to accept constructive criticism regardless. Not happy to accept a personal attack.

it’s not reckless around here. We can have a difference of opinion though, that’s fine.

all the best xx

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Oh, and you absolutely knew you were being passive aggressive, and I knew you'd respond to me calling you out on it.
Take the L 😂

PotatoLove · 09/08/2026 22:45

Who on earth thinks letting a 13 year old have even a non-alcoholic beer is acceptable?

The mind boggles...

Original poster
Mumsytutu · 09/08/2026 22:54

PotatoLove · 09/08/2026 22:43

Oh, and you absolutely knew you were being passive aggressive, and I knew you'd respond to me calling you out on it.
Take the L 😂

Show quote history

This has migrated somewhat but happy to run with it.

I will never take the loss. All I care about is winning 🤷🏽‍♀️. not sure if that’s what you need me to say? I just want to win (what am I winning exactly)? This is so weird, but I’m here for it if we can keep it nice.

At a loss at how to sign this off, so will proceed with….

kind regards (non passive aggressive, pinky promise).

OP posts:
PotatoLove · 09/08/2026 23:10

Mumsytutu · 09/08/2026 22:54

This has migrated somewhat but happy to run with it.

I will never take the loss. All I care about is winning 🤷🏽‍♀️. not sure if that’s what you need me to say? I just want to win (what am I winning exactly)? This is so weird, but I’m here for it if we can keep it nice.

At a loss at how to sign this off, so will proceed with….

kind regards (non passive aggressive, pinky promise).

Show quote history

You crack on 🥴

JJWT · 09/08/2026 23:14

Pongomiss · 09/08/2026 09:50

I don't think you can really take the moral high ground on other people's parenting when you're allowing 14yr olds to drink. Did their parents know that was the case before they attended your party? I wouldn't have been happy about either situation tbh the drinking or the lack of getting home plans.

I get my kids of both sexes ubers all the time but what REALLY pisses me off is when my youngest goes to other people's houses and those parents let them drink without having ever spoken to me. You are totally out of order allowing other people's 14 year olds to drink alcohol at your house. It makes it so much harder for those parents to say no.

redskyAtNigh · 10/08/2026 07:29

Mumsytutu · 09/08/2026 22:18

It was 4 girls.

I asked for perspective. checking in to see if I was overreacting.

to some foolish maybe, that’s fine. I’m not here to look cool (see what I did there 😉). Happy to accept constructive criticism regardless. Not happy to accept a personal attack.

it’s not reckless around here. We can have a difference of opinion though, that’s fine.

all the best xx

Show quote history

it’s not reckless around here.

14 year olds drinking alcohol is not something that is reckless or not reckless depending on area. You might mean "normal" but just because everyone else does something doesn't mean that you have to.

Clearly from the girls' parent perspectives, letting them get Ubers home was also not reckless "round there", but you seemed to have a problem with it.

4timesthefun · 10/08/2026 07:48

I wonder, OP, if you are aware that almost all the available research suggests that teens who grow up where alcohol use is encouraged (which you are by regularly and actively facilitating it) are MORE likely to have problems with alcohol use in their late adolescence and early adulthood. I don’t think your approach is the protective strategy you think it might be.
The frequency with which your teen is drinking is quite concerning. My parents let me have a couple of drinks ONCE at that age because they knew I’d probably try it anyway and they wanted me to try it somewhere safe. I still won’t be taking that approach with my children but I cannot fathom being ok with my young teen son regularly consuming alcohol, and it is regular alcohol consumption. The impact that has on the developing brain isn’t great. He has tried a couple of drinks now and ticked the box, it now needs to become a VERY occasional consumption!

Original poster
Mumsytutu · 10/08/2026 08:13

4timesthefun · 10/08/2026 07:48

I wonder, OP, if you are aware that almost all the available research suggests that teens who grow up where alcohol use is encouraged (which you are by regularly and actively facilitating it) are MORE likely to have problems with alcohol use in their late adolescence and early adulthood. I don’t think your approach is the protective strategy you think it might be.
The frequency with which your teen is drinking is quite concerning. My parents let me have a couple of drinks ONCE at that age because they knew I’d probably try it anyway and they wanted me to try it somewhere safe. I still won’t be taking that approach with my children but I cannot fathom being ok with my young teen son regularly consuming alcohol, and it is regular alcohol consumption. The impact that has on the developing brain isn’t great. He has tried a couple of drinks now and ticked the box, it now needs to become a VERY occasional consumption!

Totally agree with some of your points. I’m not letting him drink constantly however, not in the slightest. He’s been to 3 parties (40/50 kids) since May. Plus the small one here on Saturday. He can’t go to anymore for the summer even if he wanted to as we are away/ have plans etc right through until October.

He’s not even that fussed about the drinking anyway so doesn’t normally actual finish any of the very small cans. When we cleared up on Saturday, most of the cans were open and unfinished.

I appreciate your points, and I understand this is coming across as we are some sort of wild crazy boozy and irresponsible family, but we’re honestly not.

thanks and have a lovely day.

OP posts:
Nomorepants · 10/08/2026 08:27

Think you’re being given a hard time. Kids start about that age where we are (mine have). You were being considerate for girls safety. Likely that they hadn’t been truthful with their parents about their plans / hadn’t thought through logistics. Had to arrange for a child to get back from a party in similar circumstances recently. They are much more motivated about getting there than getting home.

JuliettaCaeser · 10/08/2026 08:36

If anything happened you would be liable for allowing minors to drink on your premises. No bloody way.

Im not naive either but I would have been shocked at a parent facilitating this for other people teens.

Original poster
Mumsytutu · 10/08/2026 08:50

JuliettaCaeser · 10/08/2026 08:36

If anything happened you would be liable for allowing minors to drink on your premises. No bloody way.

Im not naive either but I would have been shocked at a parent facilitating this for other people teens.

Regardless of what you think is morally correct (and I’m not saying you’re morally wrong, you do you)… but I’m not breaking any laws or risking liability. I’m not supplying the drink other than to my own son.
measures strictly in place to ensure no anti social behaviour or noise as that’s just polite regardless of any alcohol being present!!

Was I overreacting about teenagers without transport home after drinking!?!
OP posts:
redskyAtNigh · 10/08/2026 08:56

Mumsytutu · 10/08/2026 08:13

Totally agree with some of your points. I’m not letting him drink constantly however, not in the slightest. He’s been to 3 parties (40/50 kids) since May. Plus the small one here on Saturday. He can’t go to anymore for the summer even if he wanted to as we are away/ have plans etc right through until October.

He’s not even that fussed about the drinking anyway so doesn’t normally actual finish any of the very small cans. When we cleared up on Saturday, most of the cans were open and unfinished.

I appreciate your points, and I understand this is coming across as we are some sort of wild crazy boozy and irresponsible family, but we’re honestly not.

thanks and have a lovely day.

Show quote history

The trouble is that your child is unbothered about alcohol and doesn't even finish a can until .... they aren't. And you are putting your child in an environment where they have ready access to alcohol and it's normalised. By 15 he likely will be finishing the can and having another; at 16 he'll be drinking vodka (or shots) on the side probably under zero supervision because parents are used to their children being out drinking and by 16 a lot more of them will have older friends/siblings who are 18 so getting access to alcohol is easier.