Nearly 12-year-old wants to attend Pride and we have said no

[EdgyAzureBee]

My nearly 12 DD recently came out as bisexual and wants to go to a pride event. DP (who’s her father) and I both think she’s too young, don’t want her exposed to gender ideology and we said she can’t go. She’s now v angry with us even thou I explained to her why we said no and told her that we always love her. Just trying to do what we think the best thing is for her. She has a class mate she made friends with who is a ‘they’ and she became v interested in this whole thing. I totally didn’t expect her to come out with this so young.
DP and I both have been to pride before (him due to work me socially) and neither of us thinks she should go although DP thinks it’s more like a fayre but I know they sell sexual stuff that I’d not want an 11 y.o. see. She is not happy we said no and keeps pestering us.
My friends agree with our decision, what are your opinions here? I’m new to this so please be kind

Feelings and wanting acceptance aren’t relationships
And I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t dismiss it in the same way .

Absolutely not to her going.

Pride is not representative of a lot of lesbians and gay men, we have achieved equal rights in terms of marriage, pensions, inheritance etc. Pride is no longer about sexuality and is all about forcing and ideology on the young and impressionable.

It has been taken over by the deluded, men in ghastly dresses claiming that they are now women and those advocating their weird kinks such as BDSM or dressing like dogs complete with leads and tails.

You are the parent and sometimes we have to make decisions that our children disagree with, that is what being a parent involves. Be your child’s parent not their friend:

Our city’s Pride has a family area - you could check if yours has one?

It’s a celebration of adult sexuality. She’s 11. Of course you’re right.

Ok well there's wouldn't take it seriously as in would laugh/ ridicule/ ignore and there's wouldn't take it seriously as in would listen calmly non judgementally and wouldn't over react-
I'm guessing you mean the latter

So why is it an issue if it’s a stage they will grow out of?

I had a number of friends who were snogging (and more) boys age 11-12 who are now lesbians - they definitely “grew out” of being straight. Or maybe they grew up to feel less pressure to be “normal”…

I would go with her. The more you resist it, the more attractive it would be for a young teen. If you are understanding/ supportive then hopefully, she will grow out of it. Treat it the same way if she suddenly got into anime or some other sub culture.

The only Pride marches I would avoid is the ones where people are explicitly sexual/ naked. If that's the case I would explain to her why she is not allowed to go.

There are a couple of diferent things here.

1. Gender ideology. She is going to be exposed to gender ideology whether she goes to Pride or not espeically if one of her friends is they/themming. So I would park that issue and don't mention it to her as a reason to avoid Pride. Otherwose it makes both seem more attractive.
2. Pride is an adult event about sexuality. It attracts all sorts of people. Some parts of it may be "family friendly" but none of them are safe for an unsupervised 12 year old. If she goes, you go with her, end of story.

@youalright The OP didn't say their daughter told them she was bisexual because of her friend. They said she has a friend who identifies as they. So it makes sense they would gravitate towards each other and chat about their emerging feelings for others as 12 year olds do! You can't just dismiss an almost 12 year old on the basis that you don't think so and so would happen.

You can't make assumptions about what I experienced when I was younger, as much as we can't make assumptions about OP's daughter and how she is feeling.

The OP is asking what others think. I suggested a compromise where they all go and the OP's daughter can go off with friends for a while. In my opinion (which is being asked for) this makes a good compromise by showing support and allowing the child to satisfy their natural curiosity about something relevant to how she sees herself. The OP cannot know one way or the other how their daughter thinks and feels but can show support at an event many families with children attend.

12 is way too young for an event like this.
I think it’s still very possible to model positive attitudes & approaches to sex and keep discussions open, but we have lost sight of the role of parenting in shaping & supporting our children & young adults.

It is sensible, not exclusionary to tell any 12 year old that this is not appropriate.

Are you the OP with the twelve year old who’s very angry over being told no?

I have 4 kids 1 of them is 20 and lives with her boyfriend and the other one is 16 and has been with her boyfriend for over a year they both said similar things as a pre teen early teen as all their friends where saying it. I didn't encourage it as I knew they where just copying friends and now they are both older and actually making their own decisions they've both obviously realised they like boys. If at 16 and 20 they introduced me to a girlfriend not an issue because it would of been their decision and not some fad.

I think you need to know more about the particular event she wants to go to, Pride events vary. In recent years some Pride events have not done a very good job of keeping family friendly and more adult celebrations separate. Years ago the daytime celebration was like a carnival and the more adult celebrations continued at night when families had gone home. An 11 year old does not need to be exposed to sexualised behaviour or adults in fetish clothing.

Don't be persuaded that you are going to alienate your daughter or you are somehow not supporting her by applying standard safeguarding rules.

It depended what your ‘not encouraging it’s (e.g.. if you’d have said I don’t believe it your just doing this because of friends , you’ll group out of it etc . ) looked like , but if they had turned out to be bisexual/ gay your behaviour equally could have hurt them .

I wouldn't allow my 12 year old to go either. Over the years is morphed from a fun family event to a tense, overly political one with far too strong a sexual focus for a child.
Refusing her this event should not be confused with rejecting her sexuality or identity. Any more than it would be if you refused anything else on the grounds you consider it age inappropriate.
Just because something comes wrapped in a rainbow, doesn't give an exemption to normal parental controls you'd apply on grounds of age appropriateness and safety.
Don't be manipulated into thinking it does.

OP's daughter can go off with friends for a while

No way.

Pride is a mix of mostly normal people, some exhibitionists, and a very few dangerous predators for whom a couple of 11 year old girls by themselves would be a magnet. Do 12 year olds really understand the risks or how to avoid them?

Never mind not being obvious - obvious is what you need to be. If DD isn't mature enough to accept that then she's not mature enough to go.

Not sure why you bothered posting as you’ve clearly made your decision!

I think a lot of pride events can be colourful festivals with music and fun - a celebration of everyone. If you go together you can guide her to the parts you feel are more suitable and away from any sex toys if that’s what you’re worried about. If you explain it in a way that she is a child and there is some adult content you don’t think she is ready for, then this still allows for the respect you mention. It avoids the gender ideology part.

Does the event in question have a website or Facebook page or anything like that?
If so, is it clear about whether the event will be family friendly, or whether bits of it are and other parts are not?
You might be able to get some idea of whether it is being responsibly run from a child safety point of view, or not.

She’s now v angry with us even thou I explained to her why we said no and told her that we always love her.

The anger doesnt go away just because you give reasons. Your job is to help her carry the anger and work with it.

Absolutely agree.

It would be like taking her to any other festival. She’ll be drawn to the parts she’s interested in and there’ll be plenty of family friendly stuff. I’ve worked at pride and been in the parades, etc and I’d pretty much consider it much like any other cultural event if I was taking kids, e.g. can they wander off, might they get lost, will they find it overwhelming, etc, and create contingency plans. I think there’s a compromise to be had here and that might involved you and dad taking an interest in hers.

I work in a secondary school and for the kids in year7 who know or think they are LGBTQ+, it something that they clearly feel part of and so whether they grow uo to feel differently is irrelevant IMO. I’d probably take mine myself if they asked me at that age as I’d feel the crowds alone would be too much for a group of year 7s. And I could gently steer them away from anything inappropriate, make it a fun day out. Surely most of the other parents would want this too?

I've only been to the one in our (big) town which is very much a "fun for everyone including families" event. We've taken ours since they were tiny, sometimes just for an hour, last year half a day. There's always a kids tent with a disco and crafts, live music, comedy show, a dog show, a funfair etc. The main event finishes at 7, then there are smaller after parties in pubs/bars which (I presume) are a bit more "adult".

If your pride event is a similar set up I can't see the harm. We're straight parents but wanted our kids to have a relaxed inclusive attitude.

We took my 10 year old and her friend to a capital city one. My husband and even our dog went along. It was a wonderful, colourful expression of love and acceptance.

We all had a brilliant time, and my 10 year old is already planning for next year. I really feel that it's brought us closer too as we've such lovely memories of the day to look back on together.

Was it a shark jumping dog?

I mean, well played though. Sincerity city in response.