Nearly 12-year-old wants to attend Pride and we have said no

[EdgyAzureBee]

My nearly 12 DD recently came out as bisexual and wants to go to a pride event. DP (who’s her father) and I both think she’s too young, don’t want her exposed to gender ideology and we said she can’t go. She’s now v angry with us even thou I explained to her why we said no and told her that we always love her. Just trying to do what we think the best thing is for her. She has a class mate she made friends with who is a ‘they’ and she became v interested in this whole thing. I totally didn’t expect her to come out with this so young.
DP and I both have been to pride before (him due to work me socially) and neither of us thinks she should go although DP thinks it’s more like a fayre but I know they sell sexual stuff that I’d not want an 11 y.o. see. She is not happy we said no and keeps pestering us.
My friends agree with our decision, what are your opinions here? I’m new to this so please be kind

I wouldn’t take her.She’s too young for all this crap.

No. Same reason she can’t drive or drink alcohol. She’s not old enough yet. Nothing to do with supporting her or being open minded.

No you are not being unreasonable, because having been to many Pride events through work it's very clear that the vast majority allow children to be exposed to sexual behaviours that would be frowned upon in any other modern day circumstance.

There's also usually, and from very early on, a lot of alcohol and drugs which both mean people do tend to behave in ways they wouldn't do otherwise.

Yes she is too young and the reason I say this is that Pride has become something other than what it used to be and includes people (men!) with weird fetishes and gimp suits.

Pride for me has become less about the fairness and equal treatment for all sexualities and more about people being allowed to bring sexual behaviours into the public sphere that at any other time would lead to arrests.

I do really enjoy the community organisations marching but those now aren't separated from the above.

It's changed a lot.

Pride near me is pretty wholesome during the day.

If you think your event is inappropriate, you need to find something else as an alternative. It might not be a pride event, but you need to find other lgb supportive community events to attend as a family.

Agree here with everyone else that its an adult event, she isn’t an adult but you are and you’re her parent and none of you are going.

Then I would plan a day out in the opposite direction which is outdoors in the fresh air and doing something active to give her mind something else to think about. And keep her active and doing something else so she has as little contact with the they one as possible.

Get a rainbow flag and go with her.

My DD told us she was gay at 11. She's still gay at 22 and has been to loads of Pride marches in our local town and in Manchester.

As they say on Mumsnet - unclench.

You attend pride and be straight. My niece went at a similar age with her other auntie and her friends. None of the adults are gay.

Go with them!

Pride isn't some crude sex event, it's a big celebration of love. It's a lovely event.

My son is learning about it at nursery ffs!

There was a thread yesterday about a 12 year old being told no to attending an 'age inappropriate event' who was very angry and refusing to care for her pets or unpack her belongings after a house move. Are you the same poster, posting from a different angle (poster yesterday reluctant to disclose the event)?

At 12, I'd probably be reluctant to allow my child to attend. It's awfully young to have decided they're gay or bi, and they may possibly be confused or just going along with the current trend, especially if they've already done the furry thing.

12 isnt THAT young to come out.... It's exactly the age that kids start getting crushes on people.

She may decide that's she's gay/straight or bi or any other sexualité when shes older... This shouldn't be an issue.

I wouldn't send them solo... I'd certainly accompany them

If this is the poster from yesterday, I’m not surprised your daughter is so reactive about this. To her it’s more than just being told she can’t go to an event, it probably feels like rejection of who she is. Whether or not you agree she’s old enough to know who she is, she sees this as her truth currently. If you said you don’t want her exposed to gender ideology as a reason for her not going, then this is why she is calling you a terf. Whether or not you agree with any of this or think she’s right, it’s important to have compassion for what feels true to her. This is delicate territory for your future relationship with your daughter. She is going to be whoever she is regardless of whether she attends Pride or not. Whether she has a good relationship with you or not is up to you in many ways.

I mean last time I went I saw men go on fb blowjobs, men dressed as dogs as part of bit fetish ff eat my kid to pet t h em an and try em shorting at lesbians who don’t fancy dating men, so it really does depend and as a lesbian I just don’t bother anymore.

You are clear on your view and decison. Why post ??

Go with her, watch the parade, head off if/when it stops being “waving flags” and starts being “men dressed in fetish gear with their arses out”.

Not exactly the same situation but I’m a lesbian with primary age children and in big cities you will find LGBT family events - a museum doing a workshop, a cinema doing a film screening etc. I don’t do lots of this sort of thing but I do want my children to see that families can look like this too so we occasionally go. And you get good and seeing which events are vehicles for trans rights or whatever else and make decisions accordingly.

Telling a child they can’t attend an event aimed at adults will make them ‘lose her trust’?
Why? How ridiculous, The sights I’ve seen at Pride in London are not for 12 year old children I can assure you.

Depends- in Brighton we have a huge parade which lots of kids go to see and it’s great fun, but then there’s the main pride event in Preston park which is an absolute no go for kids.

I agree with you op i honestly couldn't take a 12 year old seriously who believes shes bisexual and its not something I'd be entertaining.

I am a very LGBT-inclusive parent but it would depend on the event for me. I took a group of sixteen year-olds to Pride in London a few years ago and there were a few fetish things that I ended up trying to steer them away from as they just didn’t really fit in with the whole joyful family vibe. It does really depend on where you are IMO.

Is this the child with the awful behaviour from the other thread where you wouldn't say what the event was?

Makes a lot of sense now.

big City on the south coast known for its gay community. Loads of kids at the parade here.
there are more sexual undertones later in the day.
I took the kids.

My DD is 12 and recently told us she is lesbian, she will be going to Pride with her dad, it’s a reasonably small event in our city, we’ve been to the parade a few years and it’s been kept pretty child safe. There will I’m sure be a few things that raise questions but at 12 we want her to question what she sees and hears and we want the opportunity to guide her through it and help her to develop critical thinking skills and the understanding that she needs to examine a point of view from various angles then come to her own conclusion. She’s at Secondary school, anything she could be exposed to at Pride they’re already talking about at school, this is a chance to be part of that conversation as parents.

I think you should give a date when she can go. E.g when she turns 16.

We went to the Manchester parade a few times and from aged 11. Such a shame about the fetishes bit being included. We talk about that being weird and how it shouldn't be included. The rest of the event was fun.
A loty of my kids female friends who said they were bisexual at 12 are now lesbians in their twenties.
I think not going will cause more damage to your relationship than any damage caused by seeing a few inappropriate things. She will shut down from you. You can avoid/talk about the shit bits. But if she shuts off from you, she will stop talking and you could end up with much bigger problems.