Nearly 12-year-old wants to attend Pride and we have said no

[EdgyAzureBee]

My nearly 12 DD recently came out as bisexual and wants to go to a pride event. DP (who’s her father) and I both think she’s too young, don’t want her exposed to gender ideology and we said she can’t go. She’s now v angry with us even thou I explained to her why we said no and told her that we always love her. Just trying to do what we think the best thing is for her. She has a class mate she made friends with who is a ‘they’ and she became v interested in this whole thing. I totally didn’t expect her to come out with this so young.
DP and I both have been to pride before (him due to work me socially) and neither of us thinks she should go although DP thinks it’s more like a fayre but I know they sell sexual stuff that I’d not want an 11 y.o. see. She is not happy we said no and keeps pestering us.
My friends agree with our decision, what are your opinions here? I’m new to this so please be kind

Pride has a family friendly “village” bit here and I’ve always taken my kids. If the event in your town isn’t suitable, find a family friendly LGBT event that is. You just need to show her you are listening to her and always supportive of her. Protect your relationship with her.

Comparing her wanting to be a dog when she was little to her thinking about her sexuality now really won’t help. She needs you at her side now to guide her. By just saying no and not coming up with an alternative, she’ll turn against you and get her guidance elsewhere.

Then take her to one in another, smaller, town.

I agree with you @EdgyAzureBee she is too young.

My dd is nearly 13 and came out earlier this year. We inadvertently ended up walking through a huge Pride event whilst visiting a local city and she was very intimidated by it. She felt extremely uncomfortable with the crowds, the way some people were dressed etc.

That said, I would maybe try and find a smaller event in a smaller town that advertises as more family friendly to take her to or give her an age when you will allow her to go.

Our local town is very small, very provincial and very much anti everything that isn't white working class. A Oride event has been run the last few years but because I am very conscious of the socio-political nature of the area I also refused for dd to go because I was very worried about potential trouble. There was none but my job is to protect her and that includes from being placed in a potentially volatile situation

Not sure why you are posting. Your mind seems set.

I think you should find someone who knows what it’s like in your specific town. I have taken my children to the parade a few times now, and it’s fine. We leave after the first hour - the Starbucks truck and insurance companies in rainbows aren’t exactly challenging. They are very clear in the weekend’s programme which things are open to families and what aren’t but I live in a large city so there’s lots of different things going on. I went with my 13 year old daughter in June and ran into one of my daughter’s teachers with her wife and danced around to bagpipers playing girls just wanna have fun - very lovely half hour of my life!

I would guess if you refuse to let her, she’ll just dig in more and take herself next year anyway. Once they’re in high school you can’t really force them into your choices as much anymore. I’d honestly prefer to be there with her when she sees some of this stuff for the first time instead of a friend showing her whatever on a phone or her sneaking around and having no one to answer her questions.

My DD is slightly younger than yours and no way would I let her anywhere near a pride event! Having seen photos and reports of them over the years, they are not for children. Interestingly, a lot of pride events are loosing funding and sponsorship from councils and local businesses.
It sounds as though your DD is being influenced by this new friend of hers.
Children can want to do something for whatever reason but as an adult and parent, you have to make a judgement call at times. You've said no, explained reasons and whilst she might not like it, that's tough! Let her sulk etc but keep with your 'no', you are protecting her and imo have made the right decision.

Don't become the parent who doesn't support their dc. Pride is full of families. Go with her and if there's a stall selling sex toys you can guide her away.

You aren't going to change her sexual identity through restricting where she goes. Let her have space to work it out herself.

I took my 9 and then 8 year old. It was full of kids and no sign of anything kink culture related or inappropriate. You need to relax or you will lose her and she won’t speak to you about anything.

Incredibly homophobic thread...

Yes, this. I knew I fancied boys and girls from around year 6 and I wasn't exposed to any lgbt stuff, this was the 90s.. it's just who I was/am.

I think it’s great when kids go to pride, loads go to my local one. I think it’s important to talk to kids about sex and sexuality from a young age as you control what they know rather than learning it from inappropriate places like porn. But then again I’m Danish so…

What is a bisexual accessory?

If this event isn’t suitable just find one that is. The important thing is that you keep the dialogue open or you will turn her towards others.

Haven't read the full thread but I would just go with her. She'll be curious as to what it is all about and wanting to explore her own feelings and where she might belong.

I was around the same age when I realised I was gay and you do want to work out where you fit in and seek out others you deem similar.

Can't you go along and make a day out of it as a family? I think 11 is too young to go alone if you're at home but if you are nearby and she is with friends, that would be different for me. Maybe allow her an hour or 2 to enjoy the music and activities then you meet afterwards for food or something?

The pride events I've been to are generally welcoming and happy but you do see some nonsense on the fringes.

I think that’s very fair. I’d explain I don’t let her watch many M movies and I wouldn’t let her watch an R movie and it’s the same. Often 70% of the movie is not offensive or too violent or sexual but the rest is and that makes it unsuitable. So sure there are rainbow iced chocolate cupcakes at pride but there is other stuff too, and some of that is R rated.

It’s a huge family event, take her. Show her you’re proud of her and she should be too. That’s what pride is!

Can you be bi-sexual if you’re not even sexual yet? A day out at Pride should be fun and harmless enough when accompanied by adults. Her thoughts on her sexuality shouldn’t be set in stone though.

Say no to attending Pride if you want, as a parent you need to do what you think is best. Or go yourself and find out, then she can go next year if you think it’s suitable.

I think from this update though OP, with your comment about her thinking she’s a dog, watch that. This will put a wedge between you and your daughter if you can’t see the difference in childish play, and the beginnings of a discussion on her emerging sexuality.

Ah, you’re a homophobe. And I do hope you don’t have children in your life .

Of course... you can be gay or straight before you've had sex too!

hahaha you wouldn’t be saying ‘can you be heterosexual if your not sexual yet’ if a l girl had a crush on a boy or a boy a girl , are you serious?

I'm in the UK and Pride where I am is a fantastic and inclusive celebration. I took my kids every year since they were about 9. Loads of kids go. If you don't want her to look at stalls selling stuff then don't take her to that bit. I have to say I've never seen anything unsuitable for children being sold. We do see people wearing all sorts of outfits in the parade, but I just explained as everyone is different and everyone likes to express themselves in different ways. Both are straight, but they've grown up with a very inclusive approach to life with diverse groups of friends. I'd definitely go. Your DD is very young and that's a time of flexibility. She needs to know you support her whatever she chooses. You obviously do, but your actions will suggest to her that your love is conditional on her conforming to your ideas about sexuality.

My dd is a lesbian

i went to a pride event last year and there were people in bdsm gear etc and stuff on the stalls I wouldn’t be happy for an 11 year old to see (not least because I don’t want to be explaining sex toys to an 11 year old)

I’m going with her to a different one this year.

in your shoes I’d say it was for 16 plus. If you don’t know the event or the layout it’s hard to steer towards the more family friendly stuff

If any of my children came to me at an older age and said this absolutely no issue but 12 is ridiculous and I guarantee she's saying it because her friends are saying it or because of something she's seen online.