Nearly 12-year-old wants to attend Pride and we have said no

[EdgyAzureBee]

My nearly 12 DD recently came out as bisexual and wants to go to a pride event. DP (who’s her father) and I both think she’s too young, don’t want her exposed to gender ideology and we said she can’t go. She’s now v angry with us even thou I explained to her why we said no and told her that we always love her. Just trying to do what we think the best thing is for her. She has a class mate she made friends with who is a ‘they’ and she became v interested in this whole thing. I totally didn’t expect her to come out with this so young.
DP and I both have been to pride before (him due to work me socially) and neither of us thinks she should go although DP thinks it’s more like a fayre but I know they sell sexual stuff that I’d not want an 11 y.o. see. She is not happy we said no and keeps pestering us.
My friends agree with our decision, what are your opinions here? I’m new to this so please be kind

I think you are going to lose her trust. Why make a huge deal out of this. Just go. You can’t say you will love and respect her always but communicate otherwise with your actions.

How big is the event?
Ones in cities can be huge.
Ones in small towns can be tiny.
The one in my home town is one tiny side street with half a dozen stalls (if that), a face painter, karaoke in the pub (who actually organise the event) and that's about it.
I think it will depend on the type of event really.

The Pride near me is full of kids. It's basically a big colourful street party. You should go and make her feel heard.

That's making a big thing about it, What's so shameful that she'll see, she's nearly a teenager, I think you're making a mistake, respect her autonomy, use it as an opportunity to support her not alienate her.

No huge deal.
Because we love her we need to do what we believe is the right thing for her.
We live in a medium sized town and I have no idea what it’d be like.
As a parent you do have to say no to things that you don’t think are suitable or appropriate for your child, that doesn’t mean you love them any less. That’s just parenting.
At 11 we feel she’s too young.

My friend went with her 16 year old and she said it was highly inappropriate, she is no prude but she didn’t know where to look. She said it’s definitely not for an 11-12 year old.
I have seen sexual items being sold and shown (dildos etc) it’s not something I’d want for an 11 year old girl to see.

@EdgyAzureBee in a medium size town it's likely to be (like described above) just a street party.
If there's stalls with merch or information you think is inappropriate for her age just steer her away from it.

Are you in a big town or a smaller one?

Capital city. Not UK.

@EdgyAzureBee to add to my comment above if you do go and you start to think it is too mature for her then say you have to leave.
Explain that some things are just for adults and this is one of them. Point out that she's not allowed to go to 18 certificate films, the pub or a nightclub because they are just for adults and this is no different.

It’s a lot bigger than a street party here.
We said no and explained why, I feel that she needs to accept that.
If she still thinks she’s bisexual in a year or two then we can revisit the idea.
2-3 years ago she said she was a dog and wanted us to walk her on a lead…

Ok... I think you should stick with saying that it's aimed at adults 18+ so she simply can't go.

Honestly, with the internet in existence, and the fact she already has a friend using they/them pronouns, stopping her going to pride isn't going to stop her being exposed to the things you are hoping to avoid. It'll just drive her underground, finding information from questionable sources, and promoting the queer community as somewhere to run to where she's understood and you'll lose her altogether.

You say she's 'so young' to come out with being bisexual, but gently, would you be saying this if she was starting to show interest in only boys? I think it's a pretty standard age to start exploring and realising sexuality, if she knows she fancies girls and boys then that's that.

Pride generally seems like a giant street party to me (I was there for the first time at the weekend) and there were lots of children there of all ages. Certainly no sexual stuff for sale that I saw, not saying there wasn't but it certainly wasn't overt.

If you are going to love and support her then you can't simultaneously block her from attending pride. Let her go. Go and supervise if you're worried about safety but there's not going to be people trying to convince her she's non-binary/trans, they are just people living their lives and enjoying the party atmosphere the same as everyone else.

I worked pride in Cardiff and Southampton a few times, they were segregated out into different zones. Usually has a family and kids zone and even a faith tent section.

However usually saw at the tail end of the parade there are more choice/sexual displays like the leather daddies/bdsm looking folk.
I would take her, not with her friend, and watch the beginning of the pride parade where it's all corporations, police etc, get a few freebies from those stalls and then off for lunch or cinema or something so you have something planned straight after.

Have you told her there's things that are grown up/sexual and not appropriate for her at her age? You don't need to elaborate further really

Have a look at what else is coming up in your surrounding areas that shed be interested in too/instead: a renaissance fair, folk festival, gaming, day music festivals, vegan or feminist fests. So she can see there's other stuff
And deffo encourage other friendships subtly and be checking her phone and social media algorithms at what bisexuality content she's looking at/being fed by the algorithms

Out of interest, when you explained why, did you say because it's an adult event that is inappropriate for a teen, or did you mention the gender ideology/too young to decide she's bi?

If it's genuinely that you think it will be full of sex toys and inappropriate behaviour, that's one thing (I don't know what country you're in but it's not my experience of pride in the UK in major cities but appreciate others may be different)

But comparing being bisexual to a 8 year old wanting to pretend they were a dog is not going to do you any favours with keeping her onside. If she thought she was straight now would you be wondering "if she'll still think she's straight" in a year or 2?

Probably already been suggested. Not read the comments but why not go with them. If you find its getting to inappropriate then take them home.
My boyfriend has work pride as a part of his job and saw kids there when he worked it. My ex sister in law goes pretty much every year and takes her kids. Here its about celebrating being able to express your sexuality without it being a sexual event.

In big city USA absolutely no. Too much kink and sexual content. In London? Probably, it’s fine if you’re with them keeping them safe. Check out the family friendly elements before you go and gravitate there. Dunno about elsewhere in UK. Mind you, post-Berlin I wouldn’t take my kid for other reasons.

I'd say no too OP only because she's too young. There will be other Pride events she can go to but at 12, it would be no.

I totally agree with you, OP.

I've been to pride before (back when gender ideology wasn't a trend) but I certainly wouldn't go now nor would I allow my dc to go.

It's now full of men claiming to be women prancing around in next to nothing.

How have they communicated otherwise?

Depends which pride and which aspects you are going to. I'm only familiar with Brighton and worthing, both of which have many children attending. I definitely would have taken my oldest to see Raye at Brighton pride if I had the money last weekend.

Far too young for any of this nonsense.

I would check out photos on social media of various local Prides over the last few years and pick one that has a well defined kids section and take her there.

I think you're risking pushing her feelings around all of this underground which could stop her talking to you in the longrun.

I’d personally take them. I want my kids to feel like they can celebrate who they are. And even if their ideas about that change, I think letting them know I’ll always be there to support them in expressing themselves it’s important for our relationship.

Why not go with her, guide her round, not too obviously of course? I think Pride is great but other things have become attached to it in recent years.