Nearly 12-year-old wants to attend Pride and we have said no

[EdgyAzureBee]

My nearly 12 DD recently came out as bisexual and wants to go to a pride event. DP (who’s her father) and I both think she’s too young, don’t want her exposed to gender ideology and we said she can’t go. She’s now v angry with us even thou I explained to her why we said no and told her that we always love her. Just trying to do what we think the best thing is for her. She has a class mate she made friends with who is a ‘they’ and she became v interested in this whole thing. I totally didn’t expect her to come out with this so young.
DP and I both have been to pride before (him due to work me socially) and neither of us thinks she should go although DP thinks it’s more like a fayre but I know they sell sexual stuff that I’d not want an 11 y.o. see. She is not happy we said no and keeps pestering us.
My friends agree with our decision, what are your opinions here? I’m new to this so please be kind

My kids went to pride from an early age but we were with them. Take them to the parade and there are some family friendly events

You are talking to the woman that went to a major kids fun day and complained as a South American band came dancing around the even with busty women in miniscule g strings and nothing more than coins on their nipples, one wiggle and you could see everything and it wasn't appropriate for a kids event. Yeah it made you want to dance but that is not what was catching peoples attention. Strangley the men in the same group were in knee length shorts and vest tops.

And lets be fair, most kids wouldn't know what gimp masks etc were. Or at least you would hope. And it has to be said my mum wouldn't either.

Most people at Pride events want to exemplify their core, Pride is built on visibility, safety, solidarity, and celebration. Everything else (parades, floats, music, drag, community stalls, activism) grows out of those foundations.

And I, and lots of parents on here have taken kids to Pride events in our area (mine is a major Northern City) to no ill effect, its about picking the appropriate bits, good chaperoning and I have always found that if there is anything slightly inappropriate for kids, the hosts and volunteers steer you off before you get there. There aim is not to shock kids.

Your experience clearly vastly differs from mine and many others

and honestly it probably doesn't do the cause any favours either .... what is this "cause"?

This is my concern. It is not just a happy celebration, it is a lobbying event that is trying to get people on board with a message. What is that message now?

Is it that gay couples can function happily in society and should not suffer prejudice? - I don't think so because many gay couples in that situation would not touch Pride with a bargepole.

The whole event has moved on from a celebration that gay people do not have to hide away any more; it has been taken over by extreme elements who cannot see that parading around in bondage gear at a so-called family event is inappropriate..... well, at any public event really.

All the gay people I know consider Pride homophobic now and wouldn't touch it.

The cause is pretty simple, it's equality and safety for gay, lesbian and bi people. That's it, that's what it's always been. And no, it hasn't been achieved yet, which is exactly why it's still needed.
Gay people are still killed for being gay in parts of the world. Imprisoned in others. There was an attack at a Pride event in Germany not long ago. Here in the UK, hate crimes based on sexual orientation have risen significantly in the last five years, and LGB people are increasingly saying they don't feel safe being open about who they are in public. That's not history, that's current.
None of that stops being true just because some parts of the event are lewd or over the top. Yes I think the bondage gear or whatever else is inappropriate for a public event, that's a fair opinion to have, but that's a separate point from whether the event still serves a purpose. Both things can be true at once, some of it can be in bad taste and it can still be a civil rights event, one doesn't cancel out the other.

No tutorial on civil rights is required.

Pride’s degeneration into performative pageantry is not a theory; it is the exhibit.

If it becomes unacceptable by its strident lewdness, how does that help the acceptance of gay people, which is what we all want?

My DD is a bit younger than yours and I went to a local small pride and it was ok. Maybe you could look for a smaller one. Not saying you should if you really object, but be careful she stops being open with you now and takes this as a dismissal of her feelings. I didn’t take mine to our local big city as I know for sure that’s not appropriate, despite it saying it’s family friendly, I know from experience it isn’t as wholesome as the ads suggest. I did have concerns knowing what I’ve seen at various prides in the past, but ultimately me showing her I supported her had to come first. We went very early so as to avoid the festival/drinking vibe. She enjoyed looking around at the stalls but then got a bit bored so didn’t want to wait for the parade.

The only questionable thing to see was the display of ‘furry’ items amongst all the flags, which I steered her away from as I definitely have a problem with that stuff. I’ve been going to Prides for years and during parades and later in the day I have seen lots of displays of fetish wear that are strongly linked to the community, and I get that but I also don’t want my child seeing that. Fetish is separate to love in my eyes, although gay friends tell me it’s such a huge part of their community it kind of has to be involved in pride. The furry stuff seems to be marketed towards children and totally crosses the line for me even if that makes me a hater or whatever!

If we want to stop gay people being attacked that will not be achieved by events that have loud elements out to give offence.
Many pride events have now become counterproductive to achieving these aims. And are certainly no.place for children.

I find the 'furry' interest most off-putting. Seems like bestiality to me ....

While I'm not a big fan of Pride any more, she obviously is and most of it is family friendly.

I wouldn't let her go alone or with friends - her idea of meeting lots of lovely new people there is concerning in itself at her age. But why not say you've done the research yourself now, you believe it to be quite family friendly so you want to go as a family - and both go with her. It's a compromise on her going there with her friend.

At some point in the not too distant future she's going to be old enough to go there without you, better to have checked it out with her first IMO.

I find some of these comments bonkers. I work in an industry with a high % of LGBT people and none of them think that pride is homophobic or that fetish is an essential part of being gay. I’ve taken my kids every year to the kids section with my ex colleague, her wife and their three very small children.

I don’t know whether I’m oblivious but I’ve never seen anything like furry sexual things aimed at children.

I've seen stalls selling sex toys designed for the furry community, and I was appalled.

The need for Pride to sell dildos in the form of an animal's sexual organ is beyond my comprehension.

I think your uptightness will just push her away and into the hands of those you want her distanced from because they will give her the support and er she craves.

What you should be doing is making it clear to her that her sexuality is nothing to be ashamed of and Pride is literally the place gay people go to push that message!

You seem to have a weird view of what happens at Pride.

it's not a trans-recruitment rally!

That is not the only message that is pushed at Pride.

I would hardly call the OP uptight for wanting to protect her 11-year-old child from the lewd theatrics that take place.

Uptight is not an appropriate word for wanting to protect your child from the OTT inappropriate behaviour at many Pride events .... see photo above.

It is called responsible parenting.

If she is an intelligent child I would simply explain to her that her sexualituly is a private matter and that there are some unpleasant people who go to these events who do not really care about the well being of gay people. Tell her you wish to protect her from thst.

Not saying you are oblivious, but it's definitely there to be seen and my friends just think differently to your friends re fetishwear!

Obvs I can't speak for all gay people, but my closest gay male friends and I have discussed the fetish thing, and ultimately they believe the bondage leather/bear types of things are inherently part of the G and there's a long history there, so it should rightfully be at pride events. My lesbian friends have not said similar about their community. There's mixed views from all sides. If I'm at pride with friends drinking and having fun, I can choose not to look it I don't want to see people with ballgags or in pvc or whatever, whilst accepting that's what they want to do. But in mum mode, I will not to expose my child to it and I do think an event can't be marketed as family friendly if fetish is involved. Fetish is something private and overtly sexual, but I understand my friend's take on why they agree with it being on display. However that vibe wasn’t at the smaller pride we attended thankfully.

As to furry stuff I see with my own eyes, it's definitely out there. At the local pride event it was all proudly displayed next to kids toys and fidgets, and that isn't the first time l've seen furry paraphernalia linked to children's items. I keep a close eye on it as my daughter is fascinated with the 'therian' concept but I don't agree that has anything to do with 'love is love'.

I agree, most pride events I’ve been to are pretty family friendly

The 'lewd theatric's' you've HEARD takes place?

I've been a few times with gay friends and seen nothing of the sort.

I certainly wouldn't feel like it's something I need to protect my child from.

f they did go and see something they didn't approve of, they could just leave.

Things happen in public, should we keep our kids inside?

My DS heard his first C word at the football. Should we never take him again? Does he need protecting from swearing to the extent that he should miss out on supporting his team going forward?

Christ, he came back from a school geography trip to a major city last month full of tales of seeing a fight between a homeless person and a man in a wheelchair! No more school trips?!

What people are doing here is encouraging OP to see all of the potential issues that could arise and NONE of the potential positives.

I personally would be supporting my kid whilst letting them know if we see anything seedy, shady or dangerous we will be leaving straight away.

If you insist on bringing your children into precarious environments created for adults, that says far more about your judgement than the event itself.

the opportunity has come for the kid to see people who are more like them than world around her . It’s local and she’s curious, why not allow her to safely access it? Plenty of families go to pride events.
a more sensible thing to do is to explore it together, stick to the safe stuff and have open conversations about what might not be safe or appropriate etc

Oh @EdgyAzureBee I have just seen your update ref the Roblox situation. No wonder you are worried and not keen!
In context your fear is not unfounded and completely understandable. Your dd needs to understand the context behind your fear but i still think this is a great opportunity for you to grow together.
Why not go with her and her friends if they want to join you?
it’s a fair compromise and you will 100% know she’s safe plus you can get a good insight into what is potentially risky for her as she starts to explore her sexuality and potential alternative lifestyle, not that she necessarily will but help take the fear and mystique out of things in an age appropriate way which will hopefully mean she is more likely to come to you when she is unsure or unsafe in future.
sorry this happened to her.
the thing with any sexuality or feeling marginalised etc if they don’t feel able to safely explore or express themselves appropriately there is risk it could go underground where it is potentially far more dangerous (as you’re sadly already aware) xx

Though isn't it a bit odd the assumption that sexual expression for adults might mean catching sight of strange mens bums and we adults should all accept this? Or be accused of being controlling?
It's a far cry from the days when women had to disguise their desires in complex metaphor but some of that was really beautiful- ...sometimes you have to ask what exactly we've moved to...so don't a lot of adults still equate sexual expression with privacy - and subtlety-
This is such a complex area for kids or even learning disabled adults- . On one hand - be open and unashamed- on the other- sex is private do not be open-
I support the Pride ideals and the repression across the world has to be remembered and challenged
but also feel unhappy with some of the exhibitionism...even though let's face it the sight of a bum won't kill me....just not sure why really....