Nearly 12-year-old wants to attend Pride and we have said no

[EdgyAzureBee]

My nearly 12 DD recently came out as bisexual and wants to go to a pride event. DP (who’s her father) and I both think she’s too young, don’t want her exposed to gender ideology and we said she can’t go. She’s now v angry with us even thou I explained to her why we said no and told her that we always love her. Just trying to do what we think the best thing is for her. She has a class mate she made friends with who is a ‘they’ and she became v interested in this whole thing. I totally didn’t expect her to come out with this so young.
DP and I both have been to pride before (him due to work me socially) and neither of us thinks she should go although DP thinks it’s more like a fayre but I know they sell sexual stuff that I’d not want an 11 y.o. see. She is not happy we said no and keeps pestering us.
My friends agree with our decision, what are your opinions here? I’m new to this so please be kind

I echo your thoughts.

It's one big public kink show, and it's not safe for children.

I've taken my kids before when they were at primary age. We went with a group from work, did the parade and then headed off as everyone went to the pubs and bars. There are loads of kids there.

I do get what you mean about not wanting to back down after her having tried to persuade you (in case she then thinks she can always get her own way by pushing and pushing)… but actually sometimes I think it’s okay give way/compromise – it will show that you are listening to her. It sounds like she has done the research to find the family-friendly aspects of it – so you could compromise and tell her that you will just go to those parts. You can go with her, and supervise – realistically she will probably just buy some rainbow trinkets from a stall, feel part of a friendly community and maybe watch some music performances. It’s actually great that this is opening up the whole topic between you about what is appropriate – it’s okay to be honest with her that you think some of the more adult stuff there is not appropriate.

I also vote for taking her. I wouldn’t take my children to London or Brighton pride but the one in my (large) town is almost just a family day out. My 6 year old just called it the rainbow festival. There was none of the inappropriate items you mentioned.

For those saying she can’t know if she is bisexual at 12, I certainly knew I fancied boys at 12 so I assume she can’t know this.

It's deeply concerning that some parents are happy to expose their children to kink shows.

I hope you do not mind me asking, and apologies if this comes across as ignorant. It sounds as though your daughter was very brave to speak openly with you, and it is positive that she feels able to discuss this with you.
However I would also have concerns about attending an event at eleven year olds, especially if it contains explicitly sexual displays or merchandise. What is the specific reason that she wants to attend?
Does she want to go as she sees it as a place where she feels accepted, and less alone? Because you might want to explain that these events are some times exaggerated and are adult events and not appropriate for 11 years old. If she feels that she wants to explore how she feels maybe she can start from understanding what this means for her and when she is older you can revisit this.
Could you look into alternative events together and see whether it has a family or youth section?

Absolutely this. I'm a lesbian and can state categorically that Pride doesn't represent me or anyone else I know.

LGB young people don't need to see this travesty of prancing furries, men dressed as gruesome caricatures of women or the public parading of fetishes to have their sexuality affirmed. Instead help her to see that it's perfectly normal for two women to walk around a town centre/ park/ shop holding hands and getting on with their day, not feeling they have to scream about how speshul they are dressed head-to-toe in what are at best outlandish, at worst kink outfits that would normally see them arrested, whilst twerking and blowing their whistles because they can never have enough attention.

Being gay is nothing special or to be feared and for that we have the brave LGB community that have come before us, not the blue-haired freaks currently displaying their weirdness in town high streets and women's spaces up and down the country.

Oh, and LGB without the T.

I’m from Brighton and the parade is a city wide celebration. I’ve been practically every year of my life and there are hundreds of children, toddlers, babies… if nothing else there are loads of gay parents families with their kids there! It’s a family occasion - with yes, some other themes too, but it’s all very much bright and fun and a parade. The police march, and local businesses and plenty of very mainstream stuff. That’s the parade. Wouldn’t recommend going out in the evenings as it’s just busy and mad and more adult. But a parade is just flags and colours and fun.

YANBU OP. Fine if you were going with her but not on her own or with friend/s at such a young age.

This is exactly my feelings! Described so succinctly and profoundly. Thank you 🙏🏼

Again, this is EXACTLY HOW I FEEL (sorry for text shouting but it’s so good to feel heard and understood!!)
Thank you!!

I am copying my post to give weight when asking to consider this: why would an 11 year old child know about and wish to attend a Pride event? Where is the information coming from? I would really take my time to review what is accessible to her via the internet at home.

If it is coming from her peer group it is not necessarily harmless and could indicate another child being exposed to age inappropriate material.

My groomer was trying to ensure that in my head everything with everyone is "love", age is no limit and being sex-positive is irresistibly attractive. He'd tell me about cool, sexy, free-spirited girls, just a little older than myself, who would go and buy the porn magazines and walk naked around the house. He was weaponising my adolescent want to be seen as all grown up and cool. He wanted for it all to feel like MY idea!
Now the creeps do it on the Internet and our children are falling for it.

OP, you are doing the right thing to protect her childhood.

Of course not, thank you for your questions!
She says she wants to go there to be free who she wants to be, meet like-minded people, wear the outfit she wants to (not sure yet what that is) and be as outrageous as she wants to be. Whatever this means. Make friends with like-minded people.

She’s been talking to Chat GPT about this as I found out last night, hence my post, and Chat GPT told her the pride events were child friendly… 😳

The problem for the OP is explaining to her child in appropriate language the entirely legitimate reasons for not wanting her to go whilst also accepting her statements about how she currently sees her sexuality.

What a pity that this kink crowd think it's OK to take over the event.

She does not know at this stage what her sexuality is for sure - none of us did at 11 - but there is a bandwagon rolling along that is exploiting the natural confusion of early puberty for its own political ends and that is entirely grim.

My DGD said she thought she was gay a while back at age 10 and her lovely dad just said "You do not need a label. You are our precious child and we just love you as you are and always will whatever you decide when you are older."

I’ve taken my kids to our local pride since they were probably 5. 🤷🏻‍♀️ None of my kids are gay or non-binary or trans or anything other than straight and cis (and neither are we). Obviously we don’t go to the clubbing bit in the evening. But the family events during the day. It’s full of families. There’s a circus school and a bouncy castle and face painting and the local martial arts club does a demo. We have ice cream and get temporary tattoos and have a picnic.

It’s much less risqué than a trip to our local town where Ann Summers has all sorts of questionable stuff in their window displays. One of my dc picked up a vibrator off the shelf in Tesco the other day when I was trying to find plasters! 😂

If your dd is bisexual, I’m afraid you’re gonna have to get used to gay stuff and gender ideology if you want a decent relationship with her. If your local pride is too full of leather daddies for you to be comfortable going, find a different one. I’ve not seen anything remotely sexual or inappropriate for children at our local ones. They’re a parade and a family festival with food and drinks and ice cream and music and activities.

@mindutopia
OPs daughter is NOT asking to go to a bouncy castle! She's actively asking to go to Pride to be "outrageous".11 years old!!
What the fuck is wrong with mothers these days?
Did your child specifically ask to go into Ann Sumners to choose an outfit or something? Why compare then?

A family occasion? Peculiar.

Men dressed up as 'dogs' and wearing ball gags as if they're about to engage in various sex acts. Then we have the men dressed up as women, playing Womanface.

You are right, it certainly is a family occasion 🙄

You don't have to go to Pride to be open about your sexuality ffs.

Wow, I was imagining she wanted to go with you and her dad. Which would be marginal. Expecting to go with no adults, and "wear what she likes" are not appropriate for an 11 year old. You'd be perfectly reasonable to say no just because she's too young to go to any large event on her own at that age, let alone one with a sexual element.

What do people think about festivals then? I’ve taken my kids to several festivals where we’ve seen men walking around fully naked (Shambala), people on drugs (all), gyrating women with face paint on their boobs (glasto), straight people grinding on each other (Notting hill), wasted white men puking (all festivals in the UK). All labelled family friendly.

I've been to loads of festivals, and I would absolutely do my best to avoid bringing my children to any where they are likely to see naked people or people grinding on each other, or people very openly on drugs etc. (There are plenty such festivals where such behaviour would be frowned upon).

If your dd is bisexual, I’m afraid you’re gonna have to get used to gay stuff and gender ideology if you want a decent relationship with her.

No, she's not because LGB people don't need to do 'gay stuff', we're not pack animals. And many of us that are same-sex attracted flatly reject gender ideology because we use our individual brains to discern between sexuality and ideology
Ditto many of us take issue with the repulsive term 'cis', used straight-faced only by the deluded who think that humans can change sex.

Then again @mindutopia is clearly a person who enjoys fiction...

One of my dc picked up a vibrator off the shelf in Tesco the other day when I was trying to find plasters! 😂

I’m so sorry about what happened to you!! That sounds truly awful!
DD was groomed via Roblox within a few months of having a phone (she got it in Y6 for Christmas, she just finished Y7, will be 12 soon).
I found out within a few weeks and the police since arrested the perpetrator who’s an older teen. He groomed hundreds of girls and boys according to the police and I don’t know what he exposed her to! I saw some very graphic text messages and freaked out as she saved his number under one of her classmate’s name!
I had to and have to approve every contact and she lied to me.
When it all came out that something is not right, she told me how they came across each other and some things but not the extent of the grooming.
We had help from the police/council which we used as long as it was available, but it was just mostly about online safety and not about working through the grooming itself as she said she didn’t want to discuss that. She said she just wanted to forget about it and move on.
The whole bisexual thing is reasonably new, 2-3 months max since she told me. She has a new friend (biological female) who is a ‘they’ and she’s been spending time with them lately.
I agree that at this age they should not be into sex but she was unfortunately sexualised by this online predator.
We always taught her to be accepting and to others hence she’s okay with ‘them’ being as they are.
I’m worried pride will be overly sexualised but she thinks it’ll just be like a fair with others like her. She thinks I’m being ‘not understanding’ and I don’t get it, and when I say that even gay and lesbian people often think that sex is private, she says I never was persecuted for being LBGTQ (neither was she…) and I won’t know what that’s like.

I just want her to be comfortable with who she is and I don’t want her to be influenced by pride or her experience there, when she’s not even 12 yet and she’s had all this so she’s bound to be affected by it!

We are awaiting help from CAHMS for her which is imminent as I got a letter from them today.

OP can show she's not "bigoted" in other ways*. But if she wouldn't take her 11 year old daughter into Ann Summers, or watch a 15 certificate film with her, then saying "Forget what Chat GPT has told you about it being child friendly, I've been to Pride and seen it for myself. You can go when you're 16 but it's not appropriate for children" is a perfectly acceptable answer.

*By the way, isn't it worrying that parents of LGB children can't safeguard their children from adult content and situations in the same way they would shield a heterosexual child, without being suspected of being "bigoted"? A declaration of heterosexuality from an 11 year old (say, announcing she has a crush on a boy) would not lead to everyone insisting the parents need to let her go to an event where she will likely see half naked people in leathers and ball gags with their arses out.

💯 agree! That is absolutely not suitable for children! Why would anyone do that?! Sorry but that made me feel sick that someone would expose their children to that and think it’s okay! 😳

Can you guide her round the event, listen to her questions etc? If you are no longer in the position where she feels she can confide in you, if you don't take her to something she feels deeply is important, I'm not sure you're putting yourselves in a good position to keep her safe.

It's not a position of weakness to change your mind. You can say, we've listened to you, we've read your research on its being family friendly, we'll go together.