Nearly 12-year-old wants to attend Pride and we have said no

[EdgyAzureBee]

My nearly 12 DD recently came out as bisexual and wants to go to a pride event. DP (who’s her father) and I both think she’s too young, don’t want her exposed to gender ideology and we said she can’t go. She’s now v angry with us even thou I explained to her why we said no and told her that we always love her. Just trying to do what we think the best thing is for her. She has a class mate she made friends with who is a ‘they’ and she became v interested in this whole thing. I totally didn’t expect her to come out with this so young.
DP and I both have been to pride before (him due to work me socially) and neither of us thinks she should go although DP thinks it’s more like a fayre but I know they sell sexual stuff that I’d not want an 11 y.o. see. She is not happy we said no and keeps pestering us.
My friends agree with our decision, what are your opinions here? I’m new to this so please be kind

Sometimes we reach peak Mumsnet. This is one of those moments. Going to a wedding is equivalent to attending a Pride parade. Okaaay. I've been to plenty weddings. Weddings are about two people, gay or straight, getting married, a contractual bond. Generally of two people who love each other. All of a wedding celebration is child friendly.

What sexual parts of pride do you think are not child friendly?

I was at one in a big city last year and it looked a very joyous event at the start of the procession. Lovely. However the way people were dressed at the end/around some of the stalls was disconcerting. For them it seemed an opportunity to express their sexual preferences in public. Picture adults wearing metal grid masks over their mouths, in leather with furry ears and tails. A dominatrix, barely covered, in TKMax with submissive partner in a collar. I think take her, on the proviso you will decide exactly which areas you will accompany her to and don’t linger at the shops afterwards!

Personally I would go, not worth having tension over this.

At 11, a lot of things are an outright "no" because they're too young for it. 🙄

I’d give it a hard no. Pride has changed massively in recent years, and a lot of events are now heavily infiltrated by fetish wear and sexualised behaviour that’s being passed off under the umbrella of love and acceptance. I’ve been to plenty in the past and went again recently, the difference was stark.

I also know two people who volunteer at these events, and both have said they wouldn’t recommend taking children, even to the supposedly “family‑friendly” ones. An 11‑ or 12‑year‑old does not need to be exposed to adults in sexualised cosplay, fetish gear, or people waving sex toys around. Identity and sexuality absolutely have their place, but Pride is no longer the right environment for that level of exposure. It’s become a known issue, and several events have already lost funding because of behaviour concerns.

On top of all that, she’s 12 and you’ve said no. That’s the end of it.

How in any way shape or form is this appropriate to bring an 11 year old child to? That you go somewhere that you have to actively avoid people dressed up in highly sexual outfits, with people in collars? And you're advising the OP not to linger at the shops. It's a parent's duty to avoid going to anything that would expose them to this sordid adult stuff. By all means do what you want as an adult, in your bedroom, but not out in public if it's an event that children attend.

wasn't equating going to a wedding with going to a whole Pride parade, I was replying to one specific comment where a poster said they wouldn't take a 12 year old to "any event that celebrates sexuality of any description." My point was just that a wedding also celebrates sexuality in that broad sense, it's a celebration of a romantic relationship, so if that logic was followed consistently it would rule out weddings too. That's it, that was the whole point, not some grand claim that weddings and Pride are the same thing.
Bit of a "peak Mumsnet" moment yourself reading a narrow response to one comment as a sweeping equivalence and running with it.

What do people think about festivals then? I’ve taken my kids to several festivals where we’ve seen men walking around fully naked (Shambala), people on drugs (all), gyrating women with face paint on their boobs (glasto), straight people grinding on each other (Notting hill), wasted white men puking (all festivals in the UK). All labelled family friendly. This is not MN concern over kids seeing things they shouldn’t, this is homophobia.

It’s in your town, so it is important to her to be at something local like that where there are people in her community and her ‘scene’. Similar to if your favourite band was playing in your local area – surely it would be important to you to go.
I think you should let her go, and be there too to supervise. Just see it as a local community party and try not to worry too much. It’s great that she has opened up to you about her sexuality, and she needs to know that you support her.

Pride isn’t celebrating sexuality, it’s celebrating love in a world where being gay still gets you killed, imprisoned and tortured.

If that's genuinely the case, and only that, then no, I'm not saying you definitely caused huge damage. It's just not great, because even framing it as "your business" while separately treating it as a trend copied off friends still sends a message that it's not being taken at face value the same way a straight interest would be. Kids pick up on that kind of inconsistency even if it's never said outright.
And to be clear, I wasn't quoting you directly when I said "just copying friends", I was using it to sum up the gist of what you said, assuming it something they picked up from friends or the internet is still framing it as a fad rather than something genuinely theirs, whether or not those exact words were used.
But if that framing was accompanied by anything else, and the quickness some people have to jump to extremes like litter trays when defending this kind of position does make me wonder about that, then a lot of people who talk this way and use that rhetoric do pair it with other behaviour too. I obviously can't know which of those applies to you, only you know that.

I haven’t seen the other thread you’re referring too

*definitely would have

What's a 'whole' Pride parade?

You and you alone are the poster who equated a Wedding with a celebration of sexuality. That's is not what a wedding is. It's a celebration of two people getting married, a contractual bond, mostly with two people who love each other.

Pride is a celebration of sexuality. Nothing wrong with that. It's not suitable for children aged 11 if people are dressed up in overtly sexual outfits, BDSM displays, sexual fetishes on display, sex toys on display etc. It's parent's responsibility to navigate life and make sure their children don't go to inappropriate events when they are too young to understand. I'm an adult and will not be going to Pride, but because I don't support gay people, but because I don't choose to go to a sexualised event. Same as I don't go to strip shows, lap dancing clubs, sex shops or drag shows.

The fetish crowd, the leather crowd, the "dogs" on leads, people in thongs.
Very overdone trans women in totally inappropriate clothing playing woman face.
Pride has become a carnival of the sexually grotesque and depraved.
I have lovely gay friends who dont go anywhere near pride for that reason.

I agree with the poster you're quoting but I would also say "that's nice dear" if my 11yo DD told me she was heterosexual... and to be honest equally a bit concerned that she would phrase it like that rather than simply, for example, talking a lot about a particular boy at school.

"I am bisexual/heterosexual" from a preteen with no sexual experience, compared to "don't you think my friend Sally/John is so pretty/nice/handsome, mum?" - does this also not feel a bit different for you?

Yes I agree, an outright no is sometimes appropriate, e.g. for something which is dangerous.

However, if it were my child asking to go to a pride event which is important to them it wouldn’t be an outright no, and I think it’s the wrong approach for the reasons I’ve explained.

I wouldn't let her go she's too young. It sounds like her and her friend have already been influenced by gender ideology. She's too young ' sign up' to any way of life. Once she gets in with it it's hard not to be swept away with it. Shes at a very impressionable age.Also pride events are too sexualised now. 12 is too young to be around that.

No idea what Shambala is, but I've been to Nottinghill. It's news to me that naked people or Glastonbury are suitable for 11 year olds.

What is wrong with people, if something is labelled 'child friendly' when it's clear as day it's anything but, than it's up to responsible parents to decide for themselves whether it's actually child friendly or not. Labelling something child friendly doesn't make it true.

have you been to a pride event? I take my kid but I know where to go, where to avoid, and notice quickly when something’s happening I wouldn’t want them to see. But that’s because I have years of practice. My experience of pride as a child was seeing people have sex in public, seeing people throwing up. Seeing people pissing blatantly on the streets. Seeing grown adults sucking off dildos as a joke - but as a child it’s pretty disturbing to say the least. It’s an event based on sexuality (at its core and historically) so sex happens. Underwear is sold, sex toys sold, cupcakes sold, alcohol sold, glow bands sold. It’s not just a bunch of people dressed in rainbow being kind to each other. If it’s a big city, it’s hyped up.

And any place where many people are on drugs and are drinking isn’t suitable for a 12 year old. If she wants to go I’d say yes but go with her and go to the parade only. I mean it’s not for kids! (Unless it’s some tiny town and it’s just a parade with some flag waving)

And this whole she’s gonna be a teen soon thing?? Does that mean they encourage and enable her to have sex before 16 because “she’s gonna be a teen soon”?
she’s a little girl! and honestly, how we can’t see that kids aligning themselves with sexuality as some sort of group is wrong is beyond me.

Being straight, bi, trans, etc is not a ticket to a club. It’s a personal identity based on genuine feelings in your body/soul/whatever. It just is you. The reason there’s even a club feel is because of historical repression, but it’s not like the freaking sewing club, or theatre club where people are encouraged to come along and try out a new hobby and make new mates.

and I don’t think parents should be guilted for being concerned about their child being heavily influenced by a new friend. We all want our kids to be who they are - who they actually are.

If this girl genuinely identifies the way she says she does, cool- this will grow, in time, just like it would if she were straight or gender conforming or whatever. You wouldn’t expect the parents to push that before her age appropriateness though.

And if she’s doing this because she’s met people she thinks are cooler than her and it’s giving her a false sense of self to hide behind, then no it’s not cool. and because she’s NOT even a teenager (!) it is their job to protect her - not from “queerness” but to protect her from pursuing things outside of her age level.

So why are you asking on here? You've made up your mind.

I have gay friends that would not take their children to pride anymore.

The exact words of one of them was 'No way, the straight freaks have taken over'. Instead of being a cry to be accepted as normal, they feel it is now about pushing peoples boundaries and involving unwilling strangers in fetishes.

I work in a secondary school 12-16 year olds and at first I was surprised and how many were sure they were bi/gay at such young ages but I think times have moved on and its good to be so self aware imo.

Ugh gosh yes! This whole thing has me absolutely freaked out at what people think is appropriate. And I think this poster will find that the absolute majority of people in the uk do NOT take their kids to these places. So no it is not homophobia. And I’m bloody bi so no I’m not being a self hating homophobe. It’s just not appropriate for kids! Neither is the pub after a certain time of the evening. Or the tv! That’s why there’s the watershed.

‘If she still thinks she’s bisexual…’
please tell me you haven’t said this to your child 😭😭😭😭🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈
pride can definitely be eye opening and some costumes not appropriate for kids but in the main drag usually town/ city centre , there is much more family oriented fun. If your 12 year old is in a group of kids it will be fine, just don’t get split up, have a strict curfew and don’t go anywhere with any adults.
parents who restrict their kids from being open about their sexuality are more likely to push their kids into dark corners seeing things they’re not ready for.
keep it open and age appropriate, even be in town on the same day so you can feel better knowing you’re close by IF needed