Nearly 12-year-old wants to attend Pride and we have said no

[EdgyAzureBee]

My nearly 12 DD recently came out as bisexual and wants to go to a pride event. DP (who’s her father) and I both think she’s too young, don’t want her exposed to gender ideology and we said she can’t go. She’s now v angry with us even thou I explained to her why we said no and told her that we always love her. Just trying to do what we think the best thing is for her. She has a class mate she made friends with who is a ‘they’ and she became v interested in this whole thing. I totally didn’t expect her to come out with this so young.
DP and I both have been to pride before (him due to work me socially) and neither of us thinks she should go although DP thinks it’s more like a fayre but I know they sell sexual stuff that I’d not want an 11 y.o. see. She is not happy we said no and keeps pestering us.
My friends agree with our decision, what are your opinions here? I’m new to this so please be kind

Mine went to a local one with friends around that age, they found it naff with overpriced tat, and in the several years since, have never had any interest in going back. Neither have I.

So, I'd recommend saying yes, but going with and having some firm rules around that staying near you and that - much like any other public event - if there are adults not behaving well, that you leave that area. With mine, we talked about that while Pride started as a protest for rights that took a lot of risks to attend, it's become largely a themed party in the UK for everyone, and both of those things can lead to things we don't want to be around. Luckily the one we attended, the worst was some drunken making out by the bouncy castle (for some reason, the organisers put the bar a few meters away from the area for small kids).

My kids and I have also had a lot of chats of different ways to view sexuality from around that age. I used the lens of sexuality as a trait that develops over time, particularly through puberty - how they feel about it all at 11 is very real and at the same time doesn't mean they'll feel that way at 21 and those natural changes can be harder if we pin our identity and friendship groups around it. We talked about how through life there will be times when their sexuality is an important part of who they are and other times it's about as important to their sense of self as eye colour. I discussed with them that I think there are limitations to the current cultural framework that defines sexuality largely around which sex we can potentially be attracted to and that it's something we find/figure out. We also discussed gender, gender roles, how they developed, how they want to be perceived by others, and cultural responsibilities. There are a lot of ways to discuss and show there is more out there than the current mainstream ideologies than just banning from attending an event.

I hear you - our DD seems to be reluctant to share her feelings though and doesn’t ask many questions, even though every time she does, I listen to her and give honest, compassionate answers and she seems happy.
It’s hard to get her talking.
Having thought about it, I don’t want her to feel unheard or unaccepted although I’ve already told her that we love her and always will love her no matter what, I’d consider taking her to a family friendly smaller Pride but I haven’t been for years and so many people have said how it’s changed and can be lewd and overly sexual, in a way that’s not suitable for under 18s. I wouldn’t want her to see that sort of thing, she isn’t even 12 yet.

She’s v upset about us saying no and it clearly means a lot to her.
She’s been asking over and over again for us to reconsider, researched it where they have it as a family friendly event, said that we can leave if we think it’s inappropriate, offered to do extra chores etc.
I guess I’m unsure as we already said no and she can be wilful so I don’t want her to think that if she pushes hard enough, we will cave in.
She’s been more distant since she asked to go to pride and we said no.
DP and I both think that we should have maybe said yes to a smaller pride event or take her to some other nice event that she’d love to go to, except when we asked her, she said she only wanted to go to pride!
Opinions and points are so varied on here and valid arguments are presented pro and con, it’s so hard to know what to do for the best! For me having a good relationship with her is very important but keeping her safe is even more important!

Really and there was me thinking from this very thread that's it's very much a 'family friendly' event that has 11 year olds in mind. Just avoid the men dressed as dogs on all fours being lead along on a lead, the one's in furry outfits with sexual parts out, the stalls selling sex toys. Googling Brighton pride pictures I get this,

Brighton and Hove Pride 2026 celebrations in pictures | The Argus

most of the pictures are fine, people out celebrating, the first photo I presume is a gay man and he looks like's he's having a great day, no issue with him, but no I don't think 11 year olds need to see naked women's breasts and some of the other very sexualised pictures. I'd imagine in reality that it's a lot worse in reality - that the really depraved photo's are not on display. And you know what, adults, do what you want. And if you really feel you need to do it in public one day a year, fine too. Because some of us don't need to see that, and we are entitled to stay away. Or we can go along as adults without our children.

I really like your approach!
My issue is that DD finds it hard to share her feelings and doesn’t like to talk about things most of the time.
I share things about my day or feelings but DP is v closed down and maybe she gets it from him. We used to talk a lot about everything but she’s talking less and spends more time on her phone…

This is a very reasoned approach. I think @EdgyAzureBee is also looking at it from a similar angle. I would not be condemning of some pronouncement about sexuality my child made, but I'd certainly not be taking it as an unbreakable truth about that child. It's also acknowledging what Pride has become, not what some posters on here want to think it is or always has been.

Those pictures will of course not be of the more explicit stuff. Not sure if that would be legal to publish tbh!

She's getting to an age where it's better to negotiate sensible rules and conditions with her than to try to impose a blanket "no". Don't let her push those boundaries to anything unsafe but if she's willing to go with you, stay near you, avoid dodgy areas and leave if you say then that's OK.

Her feelings and views are likely to develop over time. It may give you a framework to discuss some of this stuff with her and hear what she's thinking.

Umm, why would having a crush on a boy make seeing sex toys and extremely revealing outfits ok?? Do you take your pre teens to burlesque because that’s fine if they’re straight? I don’t.

Being gay is someone's sexuality.

I don’t think any sexualised parts of pride are child friendly.
At a wedding people don’t imitate sexual acts or have their privates hanging out. That’s saved for the stag do which is defo not child friendly IMO Lol

Pride as it is now is more akin to one of those Sex/Fetish Expos (do they still happen?) where you could meet and greet your favourite adult performers and buy a ball gag whilst at it. Those events were always for over 18s only.No one was pushing their children through the doors for fear of appearing too close minded or phobic, which appears to be happening with Pride.

Pride is no longer a jolly event that says hooray I'm gay and it's great to be accepted.
It is now full of stuff that no child of 11 should be exposed to. How can anyone see this as OK?
The sexualisation of children in this way is not acceptable.

Tricky. The pride march in our local ou try town would be fine, some of the big city ones are stuffed with rather creepy fetishists, and even many gay people have stopped going on them.

If you think it's likely to be like the second option then you are right to say no.

By "whole Pride parade" I just meant I wasn't saying a wedding and Pride are the same thing in every respect, only that they both celebrate love, which was the actual point being made in response to "any event that celebrates sexuality of any description." That's it, not some claim that they're interchangeable events.
Also I'd push back on you framing Pride as purely a celebration of sex and sexualisation . It's largely a celebration of love and acceptance, the same as a wedding is, that's the whole reason it exists as an event. I'm not denying there are parts of some Pride events that are more adult, later in the day, certain sections, certain crowds, that's fair. But you're talking about it like the entire thing everywhere is like that, and honestly I've actually been to Pride, several times, and that's not been my experience of it at all. I don't know if you have or you're going off what you've seen online or heard about, but there's a big difference between "some bits aren't for kids" and "the whole thing is inappropriate for children," and you're arguing the second when nobody's disputed the first.

So your experience of Pride is at least ten years old?

Absolutely not, the only thing pride celebrates now is trampling all over women's rights, often with violent signs to go along with it, and plenty of perversion.

I would not let her attend.

Based on the behaviour I have witnessed at Pride, I don't think it's child-friendly.

Ummm … How the on earth did you get from "would you say the same thing about a 12 year old having a crush on a boy" to "so burlesque and sex toys are fine as long as they're straight"? That's not what anyone said, and it's not even close to the comparison being made. The point was about taking a ‘normal’ (hetero ) crush seriously versus dismissing a same sex one as a phase, nothing there was about what kind of adult content is acceptable to expose a child to. If you genuinely think there's a link between those two things, that says a lot more about the leap you're making than it does about anything I or anyone else has actually said.

I am genuinely surprised that parents would take their children to celebrate Pride.

The last time I attended Pride, there were hordes of topless men, wearing next to nothing and acting lasciviously. I am not a prude; however, this behaviour is unacceptable, especially around children.

The icing on the cake was when my husband and I were squirted with a dildo-shaped water gun by a topless Speedo-wearing 60-year-old.

No thank you.

11 is too young to attend any event like this
Also being supportive of non binary/ bisexual child is fine , but encouraging it is not a great idea especially considering her age- children are very easily influenced at such an age.

I am bisexual and have been, openly, since I was 14. I hated pride, I don’t like people in leather and big willy inflatables and things like that. I’m not a prude but I just don’t want to see kink in public. It’s not a place for kids.

The smut I witnessed at Brighton Pride a few years ago was deplorable.

Inappropriate groping
Couples having sex in alleyways
Couples openly having sex on the beach

Why does one have to be semi-nude to enjoy Pride? I fail to understand the correlation.

@EdgyAzureBee I think saying “no Pride at all” is what’s causing the conflict, not Pride itself.

Pride varies hugely, some parts are adult‑themed, but the main parade and community stalls are usually family‑friendly. It also depends on the size of the event as to the capacity for "more mature" stands. The safest option isn’t banning it, it’s going with her to chaperone for lack of a better word.

She’s exploring identity, which is normal at 11–12. A supervised Pride lets her feel supported while you steer her away from anything you feel is too mature.

A blanket ban risks making her feel you’re rejecting her, not the event. A chaperoned visit shows you love her, you’re involved, and you’re keeping her safe. Do this and the worst case scenario is that she grows up feeling allowed to explore her identity and hopefully with more compassion and a willingness to live and let live.