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Parenting

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Annoyed that my 12-year-old took ice creams from the freezer without asking

228 replies

RosieLeaLovesTea · 02/08/2026 20:47

Hi all
i am really annoyed tonight as
my 12 year old DD ate two in creams from the freezer - a
mars ice cream and a snickers ice cream taking them without asking.
she said she ate them yesterday when I was out in the garden.
it just makes me feel like I cannot leave treats around for fear they will be eaten.
Usually we take them out at least one day over a weekend to a beach or park or activity and they usually get an ice cream l. Unless she has been fighting DS in the car. Well today was one of those days so she didn’t get an ice cream. I felt like she was saying haha I ate 2 ice creams yesterday behind your back.
she cannot see why I am angry and trying to defend it with ridiculous comments. I have to say I aM not enjoying parenting this age. The arguing back is getting worse and she seems really selfish.

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Nantescalling · 03/08/2026 18:23

Jellycatspyjamas · 02/08/2026 21:03

We have a very different understanding of gluttonous. It’s two small ice creams, she’s not binge eating her way through Iceland.

They aren't small, they're full size with lotsof chocolate and things kids can do well without.

Banalas · 03/08/2026 18:23

Punishing behaviour by restricting treats isn’t sending a great message. It’s better to be a bit low key about junk food and sugar so that you’re not making them more desirable through restriction.

We go shopping once a week, and they can pick some things they want - some are personal and stored separately, some are communal. Once they’re gone, they’re gone. They choose a mix of savoury and sweet items, occasionally fruit that they’re curious to try.

If the treats run out, they’re welcome to bake something if they can be bothered. Sometimes they squabble if someone has eaten more than their share but they work out the compromises as long as I stay out of it.

Nantescalling · 03/08/2026 18:27

MNLurker1345 · 03/08/2026 06:27

Providing food for a family is expensive and the family shop is to be shared between everyone. If one family member eats more and there is none or little left for others that is not fair.

But getting angry about food is not good. Life is to short. Most of us are not starving.

My DGD and her cousin, my niece make cookies when they are over. My niece eats all that are left, despite my DGD and I telling her that they are for others.

Whenever she is over she goes to the kitchen helps herself to anything, doesn’t ask and finishes snacks.

My DGC do ask for things, my niece doesn’t. I have spoken to her mum, she says she does the same at home despite being spoken to.

The last time she was here, after she ate the last cookie left for DH, I told her quietly and calmly that she might consider others when she had had something before going to get another one. Let’s see how that goes.

I would not get angry with her though. She is 12 also.

In the heat of the moment maybe it can’t be helped. We have all eaten one too many cookies not thinking about others surely.

Talk to your DD about sharing. She won’t always be a child and these are important life lessons.

So you are enabling a child who doesn't obey her mother to carry on regardless. If it was mine, I would avoid you like the plague. If she can't follow your rules in your house, why have her over?

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Rumpledandcrumpled · 03/08/2026 18:28

Nantescalling · 03/08/2026 18:27

So you are enabling a child who doesn't obey her mother to carry on regardless. If it was mine, I would avoid you like the plague. If she can't follow your rules in your house, why have her over?

Wow. How horrible.

G5000 · 03/08/2026 18:34

SoBoredOfSelfDoubtHowToGetOut · 03/08/2026 17:49

Unlimited means no limits

unlimited means I am not limiting it and telling my DC what they can eat. They can take as many as they want. But they don't want to eat 10 ice creams in one sitting, because they know that they can have more later and ice cream is not something you must earn by good behaviour.

MNLurker1345 · 03/08/2026 18:41

Nantescalling · 03/08/2026 18:27

So you are enabling a child who doesn't obey her mother to carry on regardless. If it was mine, I would avoid you like the plague. If she can't follow your rules in your house, why have her over?

“Obey your mother. I am an enabler, I must enforce the rules!”

Repeat 100 times.

Nantescalling · 03/08/2026 18:47

MNLurker1345 · 03/08/2026 18:41

“Obey your mother. I am an enabler, I must enforce the rules!”

Repeat 100 times.

Maybe she doesn't mind !

Summerunlover · 03/08/2026 18:48

I grew up in a house like yours having to ask permission for food. And I have a serious issue with food now, my 12 year old can eat what she wants without asking. This is so controlling over two icecreams

MNLurker1345 · 03/08/2026 18:54

Nantescalling · 03/08/2026 18:47

Maybe she doesn't mind !

On a serious note, my niece will learn more from me speaking to her gently than from her mother who shouts at her and enforces hard rules. That is why I have her over and that maybe why she is the way she is.

saraclara · 03/08/2026 19:37

Well my kids, who knew to just check with me* before helping themselves to snacks, somehow seem to have turned into women in their late thirties, with no food issues and no resentment at casually saying "can I get an ice cream mum?" before heading for the freezer in their youth.

*How some posters see this as "having to beg" I really don't know.

KiwiFall · 03/08/2026 20:09

My kids have always helped themselves to food as and when they want it. All I ask is:

  1. They eat their meals regardless of snacks they have eaten.
  2. They tell me when running low on something, especially snacks I tend not to eat myself so I can order more.
  3. They consider others and don’t eat all of said treats themselves (they never have and always ask everyone in the house if anyone wants whatever they are getting).
Lolamorte · 03/08/2026 20:30

G5000 · 03/08/2026 10:05

I can't imagine that my children need to ask permission to eat some fruit or make themselves a sandwich, and that I demand they replace the ham they ate. That's what it's for, eating. It's not like they nicked your bottle of châteauneuf-du-pape 1968 you kept for a special occasion, we are talking about supermarket groceries.

Supermarket shopping also costs money, and for a few of us, neither come in unlimited supply. Our house rule is that the fruit bowl is always kept liberally filled and that kind of snacking is fine anytime. I’ve taught for 20 odd years and the fridge-raiders are the type to later make free with the drinks cabinet, or even your wallet, I mean why not? Parents are just superannuated serfs, after all.

G5000 · 03/08/2026 20:59

Most people I know did not need to ask permission to make themselves a sandwich when they were kids, and haven't ended up in jail for grand theft yet, but guess it's just a matter of time ..

Bellyblueboy · 03/08/2026 22:01

Lolamorte · 03/08/2026 20:30

Supermarket shopping also costs money, and for a few of us, neither come in unlimited supply. Our house rule is that the fruit bowl is always kept liberally filled and that kind of snacking is fine anytime. I’ve taught for 20 odd years and the fridge-raiders are the type to later make free with the drinks cabinet, or even your wallet, I mean why not? Parents are just superannuated serfs, after all.

Are you still teaching? Has anyone raised concerns?

Lolamorte · 04/08/2026 16:39

Bellyblueboy · 03/08/2026 22:01

Are you still teaching? Has anyone raised concerns?

Yep, these days I teach primary, and the concerns raised generally come from my colleagues- like “Should a class really shout ‘Yay!’ when a teacher enters?” and “Ten year olds being able to argue in a second language isn’t natural”, but I think they mean it kindly. High expectations will carry you a long way with well-brought-up children, I find.

Soontobe60 · 04/08/2026 18:11

honeylulu · 03/08/2026 08:48

But what if one person scoffs the lot, then the rest of the family has none until next shop! And it will probably happen again because there's no one to stop them.

My kids know very well not to eat more than their share (had to be told/taught though). I don't want to feel it's like a race to the freezer to stuff down "my" ice cream rather than risk not having one when I fancy because a guzzler has finished a pack in one day.

I suppose my DC never did this as there is a big gap in ages. Also, they’re not greedy. I think if you ration food, it becomes an issue and children can then become fixated on eating everything in sight. It’s very obvious in children who have suffered neglect - they will do anything to get their hands on food.

LinnetsWing · 04/08/2026 18:16

Lolamorte · 03/08/2026 20:30

Supermarket shopping also costs money, and for a few of us, neither come in unlimited supply. Our house rule is that the fruit bowl is always kept liberally filled and that kind of snacking is fine anytime. I’ve taught for 20 odd years and the fridge-raiders are the type to later make free with the drinks cabinet, or even your wallet, I mean why not? Parents are just superannuated serfs, after all.

Yeah, right. You have absolutely observed a significant sample size of children allowed snacks without asking who grew up to drain other people's drinks cabinets and thieve. Did you grow up with rationing or something?

tinyspiny · 04/08/2026 18:38

Lolamorte · 03/08/2026 20:30

Supermarket shopping also costs money, and for a few of us, neither come in unlimited supply. Our house rule is that the fruit bowl is always kept liberally filled and that kind of snacking is fine anytime. I’ve taught for 20 odd years and the fridge-raiders are the type to later make free with the drinks cabinet, or even your wallet, I mean why not? Parents are just superannuated serfs, after all.

What a load of bollocks , neither of my free range grazers even drink and neither would dream of taking money , they’ve also both managed to make it into adulthood without smoking or taking drugs of any description.

Divebar2021 · 04/08/2026 19:01

tinyspiny · 04/08/2026 18:38

What a load of bollocks , neither of my free range grazers even drink and neither would dream of taking money , they’ve also both managed to make it into adulthood without smoking or taking drugs of any description.

Why do you imagine you’d know if they’d taken drugs or not?

tinyspiny · 04/08/2026 19:12

Divebar2021 · 04/08/2026 19:01

Why do you imagine you’d know if they’d taken drugs or not?

We are a very open family , I’d know , one is extremely sensible and the other has a cardiac problem and reacts badly to many prescribed medications so wouldn’t risk it .

3peassuit · 04/08/2026 19:17

I couldn’t get worked up about a child who ate 2 ice creams on a hot day without permission. Total non issue in my house.

Lolamorte · 05/08/2026 22:57

tinyspiny · 04/08/2026 18:38

What a load of bollocks , neither of my free range grazers even drink and neither would dream of taking money , they’ve also both managed to make it into adulthood without smoking or taking drugs of any description.

It’s bollocks for a certain proportion, but for another significant segment it’s absolutely true- so is it really bollocks?
I mean, if one of my daughters prefers hot pants and a boob tube to the hijab her sisters wear, is it bollocks to say some teenagers receive influences from outside the home? 66% bollocks, 33% true.
It’s good to know that the widespread parental myth that ‘my kids are angels and have never… would never…’ is as vivid as ever it was. 98% of parents dealing with adolescent misdemeanours are surprised at how wrong they were.

G5000 · 06/08/2026 06:41

Actually studies constantly show that the childen who have lived like prisoners, (like having to ask permission to make a sandwich in their own home) are the ones who go totally off the rails when they finally get a touch of freedom.

Specifically about food, there are a number of studies showing that kids whose parents reported higher levels of food restriction ate more snack foods when they were later given free access. But also in general, higher parental psychological control was significantly associated with more problem behaviours, including aggression, delinquency, and rule-breaking. Authoritarian parenting may sometimes reduce certain behaviours in childhood through strict supervision, but adolescents from these homes often report more rebellion once parental monitoring decreases.

saraclara · 06/08/2026 08:01

Actually studies constantly show that the childen who have lived like prisoners, (like having to ask permission to make a sandwich in their own home)

What astonishing hyperbole @G5000 . I don't think you have the first clue what prison life is like. It certainly doesn't include making your own sandwich, even if you ask nicely.

honeylulu · 06/08/2026 08:29

Soontobe60 · 04/08/2026 18:11

I suppose my DC never did this as there is a big gap in ages. Also, they’re not greedy. I think if you ration food, it becomes an issue and children can then become fixated on eating everything in sight. It’s very obvious in children who have suffered neglect - they will do anything to get their hands on food.

I promise my kids aren't neglected. (I know you didn't mean me personally and I understand the point you are making. ) Interestingly mine are quite far apart in age too. One was quite "greedy" though he is AuDHD and needed help regulating and also learning what was socially acceptable, he's early 20s now and more sensible/thoughtful (though still does that maddening thing of putting empty packets back in the fridge/freezer!) The other is very fussy with food and would live on snacks if she could so also needs a steer towards balanced meals.

I do think there's a balance between rationing food and indulging unhealthy habits and self-centredness. I also think (I know some will disagree) that kids should be made aware that everyone in the family deserves a fair share and to be treated with respect, including the adults. So I don't think there's anything wrong with pointing out that mum would like to know there's still ice cream in the freezer, or that she doesnt want you to reject a meal she's spent time making after work because you're too full of snacks, or if you want the last of something please ask or offer to go to the shop. Courteous kids will hopefully become courteous adults. Plus no one likes the smell of burning martyr.

I'm trying to get it right. Sometimes I'll get it wrong but hopefully it will work out ok!

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