Annoyed that my 12-year-old took ice creams from the freezer without asking

[RosieLeaLovesTea]

Hi all
i am really annoyed tonight as
my 12 year old DD ate two in creams from the freezer - a
mars ice cream and a snickers ice cream taking them without asking.
she said she ate them yesterday when I was out in the garden.
it just makes me feel like I cannot leave treats around for fear they will be eaten.
Usually we take them out at least one day over a weekend to a beach or park or activity and they usually get an ice cream l. Unless she has been fighting DS in the car. Well today was one of those days so she didn’t get an ice cream. I felt like she was saying haha I ate 2 ice creams yesterday behind your back.
she cannot see why I am angry and trying to defend it with ridiculous comments. I have to say I aM not enjoying parenting this age. The arguing back is getting worse and she seems really selfish.

I wouldn't be too hard on her as it's the first time this has happened, but I'd make it very clear that this isn't allowed in future.

Can you buy replacements and she miss out as she's had her share?
I think that's out of order if the rules are that she asks in advance.

My two are a bit older than yours. I would take nicking ice cream as a win/normal child behaviour. If it bothers you, you’ll find the next few years challenging!

A) You sound quite controlling OP.

B) This seems a bit of an overreaction to eating two ice creams, on one occasion.

Shes 12, you need to give her a bit of freedom. And let her learn self control re eating all the treats at once. Eg the ice creams are all eaten now, we won’t be buying any more this week, that’s what happens if you eat them all at once.

I dont want there to be any negative or positive connotations around food so I wouldn't be bothered about it. If she wants to use ice cream as a way to piss you off, then don't get them

I have 3 older teens. They have never had to ask for food whether fruit or chocolate, water or fizzy drinks.
They all self regulate and have never taken too much.

I couldn't get wound up about this. I buy food for the family and my kids are allowed to eat it.
I grew up in a house where I had to ask permission to eat anything and ended up having a weird relationship with food (not just cos of that).

I really couldn’t get worked up about it - food in the house is for the benefit of everyone, as long as my kids eat the healthy meals made for them I don’t worry about snacks.

But then I don’t use food as treats, rewards or as a punishment.

This. I have a 14 year old. He’s never had to ask for food of any kind.

You are overreacting and taking this personally. What are your general rules about using food from the freezer? Are they not allowed?

two things:

1. if it’s in the house then she should be ok to eat it, within reason. Eg if you have a multi pack of crisps then eating one a day is fine but not 6 in one day
2. if you have something that you know you want for a certain time, then tell her so she knows not to just have it

and actually maybe a third, if she was being punished for poor behaviour and knew but had it anyway then take her tech off her for an evening or no pocket money this week etc. but if she didn’t know then how are you going to be mad?

Maybe I'm not the best person to ask but I'm very easy going when it comes to food and my Dc are free to take what they want unless I specify a particular item is for an occasion. This is really not a big deal imo.

I wouldn’t be angry over it but would be annoyed from a point of view of things being bought to share, not be eaten by one person.

I appreciate what people say about letting them self regulate and have what they want. But I do think you have to balance that against “if I buy a pack of four ice creams and there are four people in the house, you’re unreasonable to take more than one”.

On face value it seems like an overreaction but if DD knows the arrangement with the ice-creams, that there is a rule they are saved for a special treat etc then she has been selfish and I would do whatever your standard sanction is for that kind of behaviour. A 24h phone ban or grounding or whatever your go to is. Best just to be consistent every time to remove ambiguity about expected behaviour.

She does not have to ask for normal Food items, snacks, fruits and normal
dronks water or squash. It’s just chocolate treats, ice creams and fizzy drinks that there are rules about asking for. She finds it difficult to control her portions sizes with sweet items. Plus she cleared about her bag and treat draw the other day and you should seen the amount of sweet wrappers, bags and wrappers she threw away. She gets money to buy herself treats mainly when she is with her friends.

Same. I don’t think using food as a reward/punishment is a great idea.

Ye gads, its a fucking heatwave, let it lie FFS.

Would be a total non issue in our house…

All the people saying they wouldn’t be annoyed - 2 ice creams in one day is kind of gluttonous if nothing else.

If she knows she has to ask for treats then of course it’s completely out of order. It might be that you need a chat about what foods she’s allowed to access freely and what has to be asked for. I find it odd that people let their kids get anything they want tbh, mine would be type 2 diabetic and morbidly obese if I allowed that.

For fear they will be eaten… They are food?

My sister is very strict with her DS around food, even on holiday. Every house is different, I suppose. As long as your DD is happy!

I can't see why you are angry either. It sounds petty and mean.

Presumably you are very very hard up, in which case you should have been ckear that the ice creams were a very special.treat or being saved for pudding.

DH's mother was stingy with food, her DC do not remember their childhoods fondly.

Have you considered that she’s becoming secretive about her eating because of your being judgemental about it?

I say this as someone who hasn’t lived under the same roof as her mother for 30 years, and still feel I have to make choices that she will approve of when she’s around, or the comments begin…

You honestly need to relax. It’s ice cream. Food should never be a treat or a reward. Let the child be.

Good grief. Get a grip.

gluttonous? She is a kid. Stop with the judgement.