Help protect children from gaming harms.

Take our survey

Please or to access all these features

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Annoyed that my 12-year-old took ice creams from the freezer without asking

228 replies

RosieLeaLovesTea · 02/08/2026 20:47

Hi all
i am really annoyed tonight as
my 12 year old DD ate two in creams from the freezer - a
mars ice cream and a snickers ice cream taking them without asking.
she said she ate them yesterday when I was out in the garden.
it just makes me feel like I cannot leave treats around for fear they will be eaten.
Usually we take them out at least one day over a weekend to a beach or park or activity and they usually get an ice cream l. Unless she has been fighting DS in the car. Well today was one of those days so she didn’t get an ice cream. I felt like she was saying haha I ate 2 ice creams yesterday behind your back.
she cannot see why I am angry and trying to defend it with ridiculous comments. I have to say I aM not enjoying parenting this age. The arguing back is getting worse and she seems really selfish.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Neurodiversitydoctor · 03/08/2026 06:10

This is fancinating how divisive this is. FWIW I have 2 adult children, both are a healthy weight. DD easily self regulates she isn't really all that bothered about food- a bit like her Dad tbh and it is frustrating neither of them will food shop effectively if pushed may think one meal ahead but really just don't care. DS is more like me, staying slim requires consistent thought and effort, we love food, as a pre-teen DS had great difficulty self regulating and needed reminding not to take the last think, to make sure there was enough for others etc. He is 22 now and better also able to buy his own food. However he is the only one who will come food shopping with me or meal plan effectively. Honestly I am sure it's genetic. DS would absolutely have done this at 12 and I would have told him off, also he wouldn't have got one when we were having our after dinner. To thosecsaying just buy more, I would suggest that teaches them nothing and you make your self a slave.

G5000 · 03/08/2026 06:14

Adults can’t even self regulate their eating so I can’t possibly see how kids are expected to do it.

obviously you need to model it and indeed not all families manage. But it is possible. We are all very slim and fit and kids have always been allowed to eat whatever they want. If you know there's always ice cream in the freezer and you can have one whenever you please, you don't need to go crazy and scoff the entire multipack just because you never know when you have the next opportunity.

IStillHearTheWaves · 03/08/2026 06:15

Wow, you are really overreacting here. She just needs reminding not to take things without asking - if she keeps doing it, then you have a problem.

I cantinaginr being that annoyed by this.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Simonjt · 03/08/2026 06:22

Well you’ve made them the forbidden fruit, so she is more likely to be secretive and then defensive.

Food has always been free to access for our two, our only limits are on things like grapes where they are free to access, but until your age is double digits you need to ask an adult to chop them up, or if you’re six plus chop them up yourself.

keepswimming38 · 03/08/2026 06:22

I don’t have to regulate my child’s eating. I buy healthy food. The odd treat. I do keep ice creams in freezer at the moment with it being hot. The girls eat when hungry. They are both healthy weights.

parkezvous · 03/08/2026 06:24

I couldn’t get worked up about this. My DC are a bit older but I do a weekly shop, once they eat it it’s gone. Have always been like this and they’ve never over eater or took too much of one thing

BCBird · 03/08/2026 06:27

I would be annoyed at the selfishness rather than the actual consumption.

MNLurker1345 · 03/08/2026 06:27

Providing food for a family is expensive and the family shop is to be shared between everyone. If one family member eats more and there is none or little left for others that is not fair.

But getting angry about food is not good. Life is to short. Most of us are not starving.

My DGD and her cousin, my niece make cookies when they are over. My niece eats all that are left, despite my DGD and I telling her that they are for others.

Whenever she is over she goes to the kitchen helps herself to anything, doesn’t ask and finishes snacks.

My DGC do ask for things, my niece doesn’t. I have spoken to her mum, she says she does the same at home despite being spoken to.

The last time she was here, after she ate the last cookie left for DH, I told her quietly and calmly that she might consider others when she had had something before going to get another one. Let’s see how that goes.

I would not get angry with her though. She is 12 also.

In the heat of the moment maybe it can’t be helped. We have all eaten one too many cookies not thinking about others surely.

Talk to your DD about sharing. She won’t always be a child and these are important life lessons.

Rufusisturnedon · 03/08/2026 06:28

This is really about concern for her weight / health?

pinkandwhiteroses · 03/08/2026 06:29

RosieLeaLovesTea · 02/08/2026 20:55

She does not have to ask for normal Food items, snacks, fruits and normal
dronks water or squash. It’s just chocolate treats, ice creams and fizzy drinks that there are rules about asking for. She finds it difficult to control her portions sizes with sweet items. Plus she cleared about her bag and treat draw the other day and you should seen the amount of sweet wrappers, bags and wrappers she threw away. She gets money to buy herself treats mainly when she is with her friends.

By having this rule in place, you’ve taught her to be ashamed of eating chocolate and sweets (which are also normal food items by the way).

twocornichons · 03/08/2026 06:32

This is very normal ! Don’t be too hard on Dd, perhaps look at some parenting podcasts or information, your post feels over the top - they’re just kids

malloryknox123 · 03/08/2026 06:35

It’s not about the ice cream though, it’s about the defiance and the DD’s attitude.

pinkandwhiteroses · 03/08/2026 06:40

malloryknox123 · 03/08/2026 06:35

It’s not about the ice cream though, it’s about the defiance and the DD’s attitude.

Being defiant and having an attitude is part and parcel of being 12.

But also if her mum hadn’t instigated weird rules about ice cream to begin with, none of this would have happened. A 12 year old should be able to open the freezer and get an ice cream without asking or worrying about being told off.

EvieBB · 03/08/2026 06:43

TrainspottingWelsh · 02/08/2026 23:47

I’m genuinely sorry about your dd’s difficulties, that must be hard for you both.
But you’re proving my point, starvation, even without other disabilities and complexities is of course going to lead to issues with eating and food.
Right now it’s not going to be your priority, and perhaps it will never be applicable. But a 14/20/30/50yr old isn’t avoiding bad food choices because a grown up said no or put them out of reach.
Likewise I don’t believe adults are obese because they were born with an insurmountable desire to eat everything within arms reach. Putting every other complex explanation why adults might be obese aside and basing it only on the assumption they can’t eat in moderation, it still comes down to the inability to self regulate.

I disagree. I strongly believe some people are born with a predisposition to eat more....I have slim friends who never had to diet as they just simply aren't that hungry/driven to eat. They eat to live. Others live to eat and think about food much for frequently. It's down to genetics imo...with a bit of life trauma thrown in for good measure. Im not going to judge anyone for that.

MNLurker1345 · 03/08/2026 06:51

@pinkandwhiteroses ”A 12 year old should be able to open the freezer and get an ice cream without asking or worrying about being told off.”

I agree with this. DC do also ask, not necessarily because of having restrictions on what they can have, but also because it is polite, because of timing (my 7 year old DGS asks for an ice cream just before supper is served) and because they might need assistance.

Like, if 12 year old ate 2 ice creams just before a meal, without asking, they would not be making the best decision. But that’s DC for you. Let’s not shout at them though!

Cakeandcardio · 03/08/2026 06:57

A 12 year old is not allowed to help themselves? That's unusual. Surely they make sandwiches etc. At 12 I was helping cook the main meals. If you are annoyed they took 2, just tell them not to do it again.

ACommonTreasuryForAll · 03/08/2026 07:06

These threads never go well. OP can't win.

I think it's absolutely fine to say that there are house rules / expectations around how food items are allocated and who gets to eat what and when.

And all the 'this wouldn't be an issue in my house' and 'my DC can help themselves to anything' -good for you, but this isn't possible in every family. Many households budget strictly for food, and treats really are a treat so DC can't just help themselves. This isn't being controlling and it's sort of gross that there doesn't seem to be a recognition of this possibility.

In addition, there is an issue about general consumption too. Some households deliberately don't want to buy more than is necessary of anything in order to avoid waste and excessive packaging. This is also a valid parenting and consumer choice. Then a family member taking more than their share becomes a difficult to manage too.

It's harsh to suggest that DC growing up in homes where they're not allowed to graze freely on the contents of cupboards, fridge and freezer do not 'remember their childhoods fondly' -sure, it may be the case for the DC of a particular family, but it won't be true for all.

TallSturdyGirls · 03/08/2026 07:24

Justwingingit2005 · 02/08/2026 20:52

I have 3 older teens. They have never had to ask for food whether fruit or chocolate, water or fizzy drinks.
They all self regulate and have never taken too much.

What about when they decided to cook up half the chicken breast for dinner, leaving not enough for the rest of us? This drives me insane!

PeonyBulb · 03/08/2026 07:44

TallSturdyGirls · 03/08/2026 07:24

What about when they decided to cook up half the chicken breast for dinner, leaving not enough for the rest of us? This drives me insane!

Then buy more. They need to eat what they eat. It’s annoying yes but they need to eat nevertheless

TallSturdyGirls · 03/08/2026 07:47

PeonyBulb · 03/08/2026 07:44

Then buy more. They need to eat what they eat. It’s annoying yes but they need to eat nevertheless

Really! So I come home from working all day, ready to cook dinner and then have to go out to the shops because one of the teens has decided yet again to eat half the stuff menat for 5 of us and fucked off out so I can't send them. Also its bloody expensive. They can go and buy their own chicken or eat something cheaper like beans on toast or eggs.

Lolamorte · 03/08/2026 07:50

I’m quite surprised by all the posts minimising this behaviour. You are quite right to object strenuously, it’s deceitful and disrespectful. My daughter started doing this - opening the fridge and helping herself- perhaps due to the influence of mates from more chaotic families, or people who prize self-interested actions. So - I come to make dinner and - oh, the chorizo has gone. There’s no ham for sandwiches. Ah, the whole punnet of grapes has been emptied.
So I told her it was unacceptable and spent her entire monthly allowance on replacing the goodies she’d scoffed.

MNLurker1345 · 03/08/2026 07:51

TallSturdyGirls · 03/08/2026 07:47

Really! So I come home from working all day, ready to cook dinner and then have to go out to the shops because one of the teens has decided yet again to eat half the stuff menat for 5 of us and fucked off out so I can't send them. Also its bloody expensive. They can go and buy their own chicken or eat something cheaper like beans on toast or eggs.

Why would your teen consider this ok? have you spoken to them since?

LinnetsWing · 03/08/2026 07:55

Lolamorte · 03/08/2026 07:50

I’m quite surprised by all the posts minimising this behaviour. You are quite right to object strenuously, it’s deceitful and disrespectful. My daughter started doing this - opening the fridge and helping herself- perhaps due to the influence of mates from more chaotic families, or people who prize self-interested actions. So - I come to make dinner and - oh, the chorizo has gone. There’s no ham for sandwiches. Ah, the whole punnet of grapes has been emptied.
So I told her it was unacceptable and spent her entire monthly allowance on replacing the goodies she’d scoffed.

Let’s not get carried away. The OP’s daughter didn’t eat the family dinner. She had two ice creams.

Morepositivemum · 03/08/2026 07:57

It’s not great and she needs a talking to but outside of that personally I don’t think it’s big enough for it to even be a thing after the day it happened

Sparrowsandbudgies · 03/08/2026 08:01

Justwingingit2005 · 02/08/2026 20:52

I have 3 older teens. They have never had to ask for food whether fruit or chocolate, water or fizzy drinks.
They all self regulate and have never taken too much.

Same here. We’ve never rationed food or treats. They can all help themselves.

Swipe left for the next trending thread