Annoyed that my 12-year-old took ice creams from the freezer without asking

[RosieLeaLovesTea]

Hi all
i am really annoyed tonight as
my 12 year old DD ate two in creams from the freezer - a
mars ice cream and a snickers ice cream taking them without asking.
she said she ate them yesterday when I was out in the garden.
it just makes me feel like I cannot leave treats around for fear they will be eaten.
Usually we take them out at least one day over a weekend to a beach or park or activity and they usually get an ice cream l. Unless she has been fighting DS in the car. Well today was one of those days so she didn’t get an ice cream. I felt like she was saying haha I ate 2 ice creams yesterday behind your back.
she cannot see why I am angry and trying to defend it with ridiculous comments. I have to say I aM not enjoying parenting this age. The arguing back is getting worse and she seems really selfish.

But it doesn’t say that she’s eaten someone else’s share or had no consideration for anyone else, so linking this thread as an “example” of that would just make you look silly.

You want her to ask before eating food in her own home? Why are you so angry about this? Why would you fear treats being eaten-is that not what they’re for?

This seems a ludicrous overreaction. Absolutely fair enough if you want her to be more mindful of the fact they are for everyone and she cannot take more than her share, but the way you talk about her as if she’s committed a massive crime and is laughing behind your back is bizarre.

And I’ll bet this will lead your children to - shock horror! - self regulate their eating and have a healthy attitude to snacks and treats.

You are being unkind.

Is there a reason you're so exercised about this? I mean, I can imagine that if you are living on the breadline, a child taking food that was intended for a family meal would be a serious issue, but assuming poverty and a real touch-and-go situation about being able to feed the family is not at issue, I don't in the least see the issue in a child helping themselves to food, assuming it's not specifically belonging to someone else, or intended for a meal. I mean, this was two ice creams, not demolishing the Sunday roast.

I’m not surprised she has difficulty self regulating her portion control, you’ve used food to reward or punish so this is the result.

No one needs grade A protien between meals. Mine would be directed to a peanut butter sandwich / bowl of cereal/ bannna.

I would be thrilled if my teenager ate chicken breast between meals instead of sugary cereal..

I certainly haven’t said that. I have said that consideration and self regulation are incredibly important and you learn that by exercising it from very early on. Not by policing food.

Careful you don’t create food issues by using food as a punishment or reward. You can word it as there’s 4 in a box so it’s only fair we just have one each etc. I wouldn’t control when she eats them cause once she’s eaten her one it’s gone!

In our house food such as ice-creams which aren't bought as a regular part of the food shop but as "treats", the rules are:

1. you mustn't take more than your fair share; and
2. not too close to dinner / lunchtime; and
3. ask if others would like one when you are helping yourself.

Personally I wouldn't be happy with them having 2 ice-creams straight after eating one - it's greedy (not clear here if she had them one after another or split them 1 in the morning and 1 in the afternoon) - 1 in the morning and then another after lunch I wouldn't be too fussed about.

Is this because she is grabbing whilst she can when you allow it. Doesn’t matter if she is allowed it

Mine never had any rules around any foods unless I had bought it for a certain occasion I.e picnic items it we were going out the following day and I would say dont eat from the top shelf of the fridge, that’s our picnic /barbecue/party food

Simple rule, if you don’t want it eaten then don’t buy it and if you buy it expect that it will get eaten

Can I ask if her brother is the golden child as the way you talk about her, about her fighting her db it does sound as though you have a favourite
Have you actually listened to them before fists fly or are you saying they are both sitting in silence then she attacks without physical or verbal provocation

Only child I know who had rules around chocolate would buy a very large bar of cadburys dairy milk for lunch. Her mother told everyone who would listen that her rules around chocolate worked as her dd’s normal lunch was a salad, a roll and a piece of fruit

We were all sworn to secrecy about what her dd was eating.

Have you seen the sizes of these ice creams

I think 2 minimum to make them the amount that 1 was

My response was to the thread in general, not the OP. That's why I said I'd link the thread. The majority of people have said that they would let their children help themselves to any kind of food, including treats, without asking or checking with a parent that there's enough for everyone to have their share (or that it's not intended for a planned meal/packed lunches).

My own kids didn't ask for permission to be fed, but they did check with us that what they wanted to eat was available to them.

Again, that's a position of privilege. When my kids were this age, I had to shop to a tight budget. No way could I afford to have my kids help themselves to a chicken breast as a snack.

I think at that age my children could help themselves to an ice cream if they fancied one.. I certainly wouldn't have an issue with it unless they couldn't eat there proper meals...

The child disobeyed her mother and took two ice creams in defiance. She then sneered at her mother.

this isn’t about making food a weapon or a punishment, it’s about a spoiled child who needs discipline and firm boundaries before they grow into a monstrous emotionally abusive adult

or, or - maybe don't have draconian rules around food?

And she didn't sneer. She just ate the ice creams yesterday because she fancied an ice cream. OP wanted to punish her for fighting with her brother (doesn't mention if brother was also punished, you can't actually fight solo) and she felt like daughter was saying "haha I ate 2 ice creams yesterday". Daughter did not say that.

Yeah you’re behaving in a weird food controlling way op. Rationing food. In stead of teaching moderation, punishing her, using emotive language like sneering.

your kid ate two ice creams, your behaviour is way way worse.

Is this a serious thread? WTH?? My child can eat unlimited ice lollies/ice creams out the freezer

Will your child get overweight with unlimited ice creams?

Op, I wouldn’t get upset about this. Just tell her to ask next time. No big deal.

Unlimited means they can eat as they chose, not they gorge themselves and ear as much as they can, teaching kids self moderation is key, not limiting foods via control.

My twelve year old ate SIX cornettos in one sitting last summer. Now they are hidden because he clearly has zero control

Sorry i couldn’t get worked up

Unlimited means no limits

Mine don’t have to ask to eat anything. They’ve learnt to self regulate. I don’t use food as reward or punishment either. My parents did all of that - restricting what I could eat, using food, commenting on weight and so on and all of my siblings and I have lifelong food issues. My children have no weight issues and are relaxed about food. The only rule is that if you finish something, you write it on the shared family shopping list.