Annoyed that my 12-year-old took ice creams from the freezer without asking

[RosieLeaLovesTea]

Hi all
i am really annoyed tonight as
my 12 year old DD ate two in creams from the freezer - a
mars ice cream and a snickers ice cream taking them without asking.
she said she ate them yesterday when I was out in the garden.
it just makes me feel like I cannot leave treats around for fear they will be eaten.
Usually we take them out at least one day over a weekend to a beach or park or activity and they usually get an ice cream l. Unless she has been fighting DS in the car. Well today was one of those days so she didn’t get an ice cream. I felt like she was saying haha I ate 2 ice creams yesterday behind your back.
she cannot see why I am angry and trying to defend it with ridiculous comments. I have to say I aM not enjoying parenting this age. The arguing back is getting worse and she seems really selfish.

O wouldn’t have expected ds to ask for an ice cream at that age.

if o brought a box of 4 I’d tell him there’s ice creams in the freezer or if family ones I’d say there’s X number of ice creams for you.

if he eats them all in a day they are gone!

But i also never used food as a reward or a treat (as such). I brought a weeks sensible amount of unhealthy food which wouldn’t get replaced until the next shop.

Thinking about my group of friends growing up, 6 sets of parents would not have cared, 2 would have gone crazy. No surprises who the ones with food issues are. Let her be. If she had eaten 8, that's a diffirent issue.

We have a very different understanding of gluttonous. It’s two small ice creams, she’s not binge eating her way through Iceland.

2 ice creams in one day is kind of gluttonous if nothing else

Tell me you've never been on an all inclusive holiday without telling me you've never been on an all inclusive holiday.

My DS is younger, but we struggle with this. We can’t allow him to have things freely as he’d have no self control. He does get treats more often that not when he asks, during warm weather for example almost a daily ice cream. Yet he ”steals” treats whenever he sees a chance. I really struggle with this as it seems so selfish and tbh greedy. My youngest who is 5 never does this. She’ll always ask and she won’t eat huge amount of anything when it’s available for her. I really don’t t know how to manage this when DS gets to an age where it would be more appropriate to allow him to help himself to anything we have at home. He’s now 7. I guess we can’t have treats at home.

I don’t think you should be using food as a reward or removing it as a punishment.
It’s fine to say there’s only one ice cream each in the freezer or whatever though.

I think MN seems to forget that for some children/people sugar is highly addictive. we definitely have rules about and model behaviour when it comes to sweet things. IMO (counter to the MN mantra) ice cream is not a really a ‘food’, in the sense that you can live quite well without it. It’s definitely a treat. Something you have for enjoyment not for nutrition. There is absolutely nothing wrong with just eating something because you want to and you like it, of course not. But I think it’s important to model and teach which foods are for fun ie treats and which are important.

but all that is besides the point in this circumstance. The OPs DD is being disrespectful and rude to the OP. They knew there was a rule and they were selfish and broke it. Obviously this is normal behaviour for a kid! But best just to fairly sanction the behaviour rather than raise an entitled madam. Then move on.

It is bloody ice cream on a hot day...I couldn't get worked up about this! My freezer is full of ice cream and ice lollies, so that everyone can help themselves! She is 12 not 2!

Call the cops. It's the only answer.

I think she's taken two because of your attitude around food OP! Taken her chance while she could. Have you always been like this with "treats" that are food items? She might end up with a problem when she's older with her own money and free roam.

This.

I think labelling things as treats isn’t helpful. It’s all food, some of it more healthy than others. Making something a treat elevates it in kids eyes, I find it better to buy what I’m happy to have in the house and when it’s gone it’s gone. No obesity or type 2 diabetes, because they can only eat what I buy.

DS has money for snacks but he knows there’s a fully stocked cupboard at home and would rather spend his money elsewhere.

To me it’s completely normal for kids to help themselves to food in their own home. I understand your point about not being able to self regulate but I can tell you from experience that you restricting them does nothing to help that.

Don’t make a big deal of it.

When you do the weekly shop get her to unpack it with you, and make it clear “I’m saving those ice creams for the weekend but you can have the dried mango, the pretzel sticks, cheese and crackers or the grapes if you need snacks.”

Food is for eating. Let her eat it. Then if it's gone, it's gone. Any more she'll have to use her pocket money for.

This sounds pretty control freaky to me. As others have said, you’ve got some tough years ahead of you if you get your knickers in a twist over this sort of thing.

My aunt was like this & both her daughters ended up in inpatient treatment for eating disorders.

If you are going to bollock her, it should be for not sharing rather than gluttony

Why would a child have to ask permission to have food ? This is really bizarre and worrying your using food as a punishment and withholding it if she has been in your view misbehaving? Food treat snack whatever thats really a really F’ed up way to parent and discipline. If food was used as a weapon I’d eat two while I had the chance as well ! Might want to take a hard look at yourself and not your child there’s far healthier ways to discipline children without weaponising food.

If you are going to bollock her, it should be for not sharing rather than gluttony

Straight to jail, obviously!

Mine are slightly older but similar.
There is an expectation that you don't take the last of anything without checking if someone else wants to share (exceptionswouldbecwhen there'sjustone apple or one packet of crisps left in which case it's fair game). When they were younger they had to wait until everyone was at least halfway through their dinner before discussing second helpings so that getting extra wasn't related to eating as quickly as possible. Even now, in their 20s they will happily split the last roast potato on Boxing day!

Yea I agree with this

So she uses her money to replace the ice creams. Problem solved.

You really do need to pick your battles at this age.

Meh, I buy food for the whole family. Providing no one is going nuts, then they can help themselves. My kind keep asking permission for food and I keep telling them to help themselves. My only rules are (1) don't go nuts and make yourself ill (2) don't snack just before a meal (3) you still need to eat property meals and if you aren't, I regulate snacks more.

Depends on your rules. Many parents let them help themselves at this age, but if that doesn't suit for whatever reason (as in kids who will take the last of something without telling you/eat more of things than you want), set rules.
That could be don't get anything without asking an adult, or you're allowed any fruit or veg within certain hours-whatever will work for your family.
And then once you've set the rules, stick to them. So if you'd told her she can't take ice cream, set consequences.