Annoyed that my 12-year-old took ice creams from the freezer without asking

[RosieLeaLovesTea]

Hi all
i am really annoyed tonight as
my 12 year old DD ate two in creams from the freezer - a
mars ice cream and a snickers ice cream taking them without asking.
she said she ate them yesterday when I was out in the garden.
it just makes me feel like I cannot leave treats around for fear they will be eaten.
Usually we take them out at least one day over a weekend to a beach or park or activity and they usually get an ice cream l. Unless she has been fighting DS in the car. Well today was one of those days so she didn’t get an ice cream. I felt like she was saying haha I ate 2 ice creams yesterday behind your back.
she cannot see why I am angry and trying to defend it with ridiculous comments. I have to say I aM not enjoying parenting this age. The arguing back is getting worse and she seems really selfish.

Honestly, let it go…a 12 year old versus highly sophisticated marketing and advertising teams…. Also their frontal lobe is not developed…pick your battles.

It's going being be very difficult teenage years if you expect the same rules as when they were 7 to apply .

Have you seen the shrinkflation of Mars and Snickers ice creams? Two are about the size one used to be. It is not gluttonous to eat two occasionally.

FFS. Why don’t you beat her with a slipper, take her phone off her forever and remove the door from her bedroom. That’ll teach her.

Your poor DD. Who gives a fuck if she ate a couple of icecreams.

Ime the dc with the least ability to self regulate are those that never get chance to try. Around 8/9yrs old a friend of dd’s helped themselves to a ridiculous quantity of treats.
I was shocked that an otherwise well behaved child would go searching through my kitchen and shovel down their own body weight in sugar, upon collection the parent was equally shocked I left junk at child height.
As soon as they started huffing about their child only being allowed sugar as a weekly treat it was obvious why their child was already showing signs of an eating disorder.
I can also think of quite a few elderly people I’ve known that grew up during rationing, and despite having otherwise healthy attitudes to food have zero natural ability to self regulate around sweet treats. Precisely because they were so restricted. But nevertheless found ways to manage it that didn’t involve others policing their food.

Kindly I think you will need to relax about ice creams and probably a few other things if you want to enjoy parenting young teens. Time to rethink your approach to rules and control over your growing children.

It’s hot, it’s the holidays, it’s an icecream from the home freezer. Unless that icecream was earmarked for another person or a specific occasion then I could not care less.

We all know pur own personal treats anything else is free gane for whoever wants it we all live together and sont neex permission off each other

And no there are no spoilt children but I dont also have the 'my house my tules' like we are in the army either

HNRTFT but can honestly say that I had no rules when my children were younger with food. They self regulated and didn’t overeat crap.
Two ice creams on a hot day is reasonable in my opinion

Jesus I don’t let my DD have free rein of the snacks. It’s nothing to do with the money or the calories ( although it’s not great) it’s to do with the fact that she’s not the only person living in this house. One Magnum a day is absolutely fine … we have lollies which are a bit different. A packet of crisps… etc. Fruit and healthier snacks is a bit different and she is free to take any of it but NOT all of it ( otherwise no one in this house would ever eat a strawberry or a grape) Learning to think of other people is a quality that needs to be taught.

I really can’t imagine getting this worked up about a 12 yo helping herself to a couple of ice creams , ours were always allowed to help themselves and IMO free access means they don’t go over the top .

Aside from not eating more than your share of rare treats, I don’t understand making a random 12 year old ask for an ice cream. There are always individuals with special circumstances, but at 12, I would be transitioning to self regulation being more important than parental rules.

we might state there are 2 in this package for every person in the house and when you are done you are done. As long as they don’t take more than is fair, it doesn’t matter when an older child eats them.

I've had 4 Magnums today. I am in deed a glutton🤭

A thread over ice creams? I think you need to find some perspective.

Just to throw your anecdata to the gutter, my DD1 is adopted and has lots of disabilities and syndromes related to her prenatal and early years experiences. Starvation being one of them. My DD1 has always had the chance to try. But when you’ve been starved, your cells do funny things. My DD2, also adopted, different birth story, burns about twenty billion calories a day. I do not restrict foods. I never have. We only need to look around us at all the overweight children to realise that it’s a myth that children will self-regulate. Heck, if adults can’t - and I have GP friends who are obese to the point of morbidly so - then why should we expect children to self-regulate?

I believe it is at 12 years old. I believe that it needs to be spoken about with her daughter. It’s okay that we feel differently.

Even with shrink-flation two snickers ice creams from a multi pack would contain about 50% of your daily recommended intake of sat fats and offers close to zero nutrients. Of course it’s not the end of the world as a complete one off but IMO it’s a discussion point.

it’s 2 small ice cream bars, not 2 tubs of ice cream! It’s hot weather and she’s a growing child. Gluttonous?

This

Well you probably will develop health conditions prematurely if that is a regular occurrence. You might not care (neither would I tbh, I’m an adult and I can make that decision) but I think that we have a responsibility to explain the impact of unhealthy eating and unhealthy eating habits to our children. What they do when they’re adults is completely up to them but we do need to call a spade a spade and make sure they make informed choices.

I honestly couldn't get angry about this. If I don't want my DD10 to eat something I would say x is off limits

I agree! The point is not her taking an ice cream, it’s the fact that she was told she could not do something and did it anyway, even “doubling down” on the pushback.

It’s like her being told she’s grounded and then going out anyway and then coming back late. The food is not the issue here, it’s the attitude.

I'm very active and healthy. I don't think 4 ice creams will do me any harm in the grand scheme of things. Have you seen the size of Magnum these days. Tiny I tell ya!

Ooh it’s roasting outside, let me just have an iced drink. No, scrap that actually I’ll have loads of sugar and sat fats, that’ll sort me right out 😂

It reminds me of the ‘gin o’clock’ ‘It’s 5 o’clock somewhere.’ adage. You wouldn’t say to Sheila at work ‘What a day, I can’t wait to have a line of cocaine tonight.’ Obesity kills. I’m being hyperbolic of course and of course OP’s daughter isn’t going to be negatived impacted long term by this (if it’s a one off) but it’s because most people are playing down the fact that it’s unhealthy. It’s not disputable, ice cream is unhealthy. Why on earth would you want your child to put unhealthy things in their body? No one needs two ice creams in one day! Most adults that I know would even say that they shouldn’t have had the second ice cream but OP is being made to feel like she shouldn’t care. I wouldn’t have ice cream in the house that mine can access because there are plenty of healthier options that still feel like a treat. They’ve had ice cream on days out etc but I am proud that mine don’t regularly have more sugar than they need.

Yes, same here (but two DDs).

Poor kids!!

Mmmm I think you wanted to make it seem like it’s quite normal for you to have 4 but then when I responded you are changing it so that I seem like a bit of a cow. Of course those 4 that you’ve ever had in your whole life won’t negatively affect you. But, hypothetically if you were the sort of person that has 4 (tiny) ice creams on a semi regular basis then I would say that science would disagree that being active would negate this and mean you didn’t ever have any negative health effects.