Annoyed that my 12-year-old took ice creams from the freezer without asking

[RosieLeaLovesTea]

Hi all
i am really annoyed tonight as
my 12 year old DD ate two in creams from the freezer - a
mars ice cream and a snickers ice cream taking them without asking.
she said she ate them yesterday when I was out in the garden.
it just makes me feel like I cannot leave treats around for fear they will be eaten.
Usually we take them out at least one day over a weekend to a beach or park or activity and they usually get an ice cream l. Unless she has been fighting DS in the car. Well today was one of those days so she didn’t get an ice cream. I felt like she was saying haha I ate 2 ice creams yesterday behind your back.
she cannot see why I am angry and trying to defend it with ridiculous comments. I have to say I aM not enjoying parenting this age. The arguing back is getting worse and she seems really selfish.

This^

I can’t remember when my children took treats/snacks when they wanted but I’m sure it was earlier than 12. At that age they should have some autonomy, asking for a snack is quite a babyish thing. If she’s doing it to annoy you, don’t get annoyed then she won’t do it

@RosieLeaLovesTea were they last ones!? I get annoyed when I find someone ate the last one without saying anything esp if its a treat I've set my eyes on, lol.

She knows to ask now, so I think you're response should work 🙏

I can't see what the issue with this is.
You sound rigid. Poor kid.

I take it back. I see she has a treat drawer. I was hasty and rude. Apologies. .

I find it odd that people let their kids get anything they want tbh, mine would be type 2 diabetic and morbidly obese if I allowed that.

We always had chocolate and candy around growing up and no restrictions. I never went crazy - but all my friends who had strict rules at home did, when they came over. Same with my own DC (both slim), we have plenty of snacks and ice cream, they can eat as much as they want. They don't want that much, as it's not a naughty forbidden treat.

Hmm. seems normal to me. My kids are older. I buy ice cream and my kids eat then. 20 YO DS has been known to eat a whole tub, I find the the empty ones in his room. Sorry you sound like a control freak unless you’d specially said they are for guests coming at a future date.

I don't think I'd get too worked up about this - I probably would have gently chided her that having 2 in a day was a bit much and remember to leave some for her siblings. I never specifically told my kids to ask permission for treats but they would probably say 'can I have an ice-cream' if I was around in the kitchen. I didn't grow up in a household where we had to ask either, although I know some of my friends did. But my dad bought 1 packet of biscuits per week and if we ate them all, we knew there wouldn't be any more til the next Saturday when he did the food shop!

OP, I get you. My DD1 has binge eating disorder. A lot of people don’t have the fat gene. A lot of people do. There are very clearly very many obese children and adults in the UK who are unable to self-regulate when it comes to food, particularly addictive ones. It is also the selfishness of one person taking more than their fair share of treats. I dare say that if your thread was about your male partner eating all the treats, the responses would be vastly different. Family food is for everyone in the family.

This, but 2 in their early 20’s.

Nobody waves a magic wand on a child’s 18th birthday and gives them the ability to self regulate, it’s something you learn.

My 12 and 13 year old are expected to ask before helping themselves to food! But on the times when they have just helped them selves just tell them off and move on with the day. I won't make it a big deal. Honestly there's so much more important things, choose your battles.

It’s summer and a heatwave DC want ice cream. My DC have always had full access to the fridge freezer to eat whatever they want.

To me this is a non issue.

That said I also fill the freezer with ice pops and ice lollies so they can help themselves to those more to help restrict the better ice cream ones.

Before you know it you’ll be putting locks on the fridge freezer doorsand that’s not good at all. So put cheaper ones in there for them to have at any time from now on.

Tbh I think she should have asked.
DS - can I get a Snickers ice-cream
Me - how many are left?
DS - 4
Me - yup but I want there to be two left tomorrow because (reason)

Mine would ask to have an ice cream - and I would say know if just before dinner for example and I would definitely say no to eating two. It’s greedy and they can’t eat us out of house and home.
Having said that , they is unlimited cereal toast crisps and other snack foods for them to access.

Some people are unable to learn this, hence the obesity crisis in our home nations.

This!!
A lot of replies here are from people who think not labelling food as “treats” and simply letting children help themselves will avoid them developing food intake problems.
Some children just don’t seem able to stop themselves. Of my children, only one will take unreasonable quantities of food, including other people’s, and spend all of their money on sugar.

YABU. It's ice cream, not crack cocaine. If you this is the worst thing you'll ever have to deal with, you are very lucky.

It’s unhealthy, it doesn’t matter how you view it personally, it is undoubtedly and proven to be unhealthy to eat too much of that type of food and I wouldn’t want it for my children. At age 12 two creams in one day is excessive and will not make her feel good.

People are missing the point !!! I would be annoyed .
Not because she took ice creams but because it’s like she stuck 2 fingers up at you by eating them .
She fought with her sibling in the car on a trip out of the house so she didn’t get an ice cream on the outing .
But then she takes 2 and eats them and boasts that she ate them .
It is nothing to do with depriving kids of food and treats and everything to do with attitude

Mine eats a whole box in a day! And she just helps herself to it. Not good!

Perhaps the reason you're not enjoying parenting this age is that you're still parenting her like she's 6 and she, understandably, is pissed off about it? If you are worried about your daughter's intake of unhealthy food, then don't have it in the house, but a 12 year old should absolutely be able to help herself to food in her own house.

@G5000have you ever thought that maybe the families with rules have them for a reason?

I think you’re over simplifying and maybe also not being completely honest (we do tend to tell ourselves things like this and convince ourselves that it’s true, it’s human nature) I doubt very much that this is the case and that it’s as cut and dry as someone never over indulging in something simply because they weren’t restricted as a child. Otherwise we would have solved the obesity crisis and we would have no alcoholics right? Children need guidance, 2 ice creams in one day is unhealthy. I don’t care whether you think that I’m wrong, I know that I am scientifically correct. I didn’t say I would make a huge deal out of it but I certainly would be talking to my children about the nutritional value of an ice cream and reminding them about making healthy choices - shoot me 🤷🏻‍♀️

Also, slim doesn’t equal healthy.

Her children are slim so it’s okay 😂

You are totally overreacting. A 12 year old should not need to ask for food. Some 12 year olds make their own dinner. Taking a snack is not a crime.