17 year old not passed test - took my car out at 1am in the morning

[ThisBlueQuail]

My 17 year old son who has had 2 driving lessons took my car out at 1am in the morning - would you stop driving lessons?

I have taken over 100 driving lessons over a period of 20 years and haven't been test ready because I have anxiety. Driving is not for me and you've not failed as a parent if your child can't drive.

It absolutely IS a privilege and not an essential life skill, you're not going to be at risk of death from not being able to drive! I agree on swimming though.

In this case, the 17 year old isn't ready for the responsibility. He's already committed an offence before even getting his license.

It was op car not his own

Yes I would stop lessons and tell him you will revisit the decision in a year if he can demonstrate that he is responsible enough. He's bloody lucky he didn't total your car and seriously hurt himself.

To add to my previous comment, not everyone can afford driving lessons so I think it's unfair to make parents with lower incomes feel that they've done something wrong because their child isn't driving at 17. We get free bus passes for young people up until the age of 22, they can absolutely travel relatively easily to school/jobs/colllege/uni.

The buss pass is for Scotland.
England don't have it.

Sorry, I forgot about that. But didn't I read recently there would be free bus passes for teens in England? Can't remember what age up until though.

ETA - is still going to cheaper to use public transport than lessons, maintaining a car and insurance for a young person I would have though. If you have the money and are responsible/capable then absolutely go for it. But it doesn't sound like the boy here is ready. Not only could he have killed himself, he could have hurt innocent people because he's driving unsupervised without a license.

I’d tend to agree with this.

I got a car for my 17th birthday. Hadn’t passed my test yet and drove it to work when my dad went on holiday.

Immature and completely stupid.

lLuckily enough I didn’t get caught and nobody got hurt.

I would keep up the lessons but your car is off limits and he’s on his own.

It doesnt matter if the bus pass is free if there are few or no buses going where you need to go.

However driving is still a privilege, not a right. Hence why you need a license.

Yes. And report him to the police!

Depends where you live. Entirely rurally, I could be convinced to this point of view.

In London or a major city with night buses? Get fucked, he pays the price of his idiocy.

Really a shame the police didn't pull him over. He could have been killed. He could have killed someone else. Horrifically irresponsible.

Has he learned from this, is he apologetic and promising never to do it again? If not stop the lessons, if he is sorry then I’d give a suitable punishment (difficult chores) but allow lessons to continue. I would bring keys into your bedroom though to avoid temptation

Point taken. I still think you should be emotionally mature enough to drive. Some 17 year old are and some need a bit more time. Being lucky doesn't mean everyone will be so best not to take the chance.

Yep. He could have killed someone. And if he’d been caught he’d have been banned before he got his licence.

I’d pause them for a couple of months. Look after your keys well and tell him if he ever does it again he’ll be funding his own lessons, car, insurance etc.

This. Hide your keys as well.

@LadyWhistledownsSocietyPapers. No free buses here except for summer holidays, night buses no included. The issue for most young people (and the rest of us) is they are infrequent, unreliable and don’t go where you want to go when you need them to - eg 1 hour 45 minutes to my work that takes 12 minutes by car!

I don't want to de rail thread.
The bus pass scheme looks good on paper.
The reality is mayhem far and wide,staff passengers threatened ,kid caught with an axe on tour,bus driver killed in a one punch scenario in Elgin.
And that's just a wee snapshot

No I do understand that. I have lived very rurally and not driving hasn't been great! I was mustn't talking about it being an essential life skill, if this teen isn't ready to be responsible than he'll manage to work around it for another year. Here we'd just stay at uni, or get the train or if still at school they have to provide school transport if you stay outside of walking distance. I really just don't think someone so clearly still immature should be on the roads. It's one of the reasons I find driving anxiety inducing. It's not me, Im a very careful driver, it's the idiots I se on the roads. Or local teens who have ended up in crashes that have taken their lives even after passing their tests, because they're showing off or whatever. I've heard more of these from living in a rural area rather than in towns or cities.

What? The punishment should surely be disqualification. He could easily have killed someone.
What an arrogant little shit he is.

Absolutely stop lessons
I fundamentally disagree with @MNLurker1345
I also live rurally, kids do not need to drive, they continue with their pre 17 year old arrangement and parents taxi them. I have been to too many funerals of 17 year olds either killed whilst driving, or their mates driving. I teach so run across a lot of teenagers.
If you have an unusually mature 17 yo and forbid them from offering lifts then possibly but otherwise I will pay for driving lessons once you are at uni. None of my kids objected to this, especially as I always made it clear that was my position and that I didn’t want to be sobbing at their graveside.

Is he apologetic, or does he think you’re making a fuss about nothing? Does he have form for reckless impulsive actions?

You say he realised it was a risky decision when he realised he wouldn’t be able to park very well, which to me implies he only regrets that he was caught, and if he could’ve parked so you wouldn’t have noticed the car had been moved, he wouldn’t have told you. That’s a big issue for me. He drove around, and went on a dual carriage way, after only two lessons. Holy shit, that’s so incredibly dangerous, no way has he got the skills to deal with any unexpected situations. Both my children have passed their tests, and after two lessons were barely going up to third gear, the fact that he felt he was ‘good enough’ to do this is a huge concern, as he obviously doesn’t grasp how dangerous it was.

Who is paying for the lessons, and how important is it to you that he gets his licence? Because if it were me I’d stop his lessons for a while until he shows signs of maturing, and keep your car keys with you at all times, until you are sure he can be trusted.

Keep lessons but he never gets to drive your car again, so if that means he has to pay for more lessons to pass and get himself a car before he can be independent then so be it.

I know right?! Me too!! And I'm middle class. I'm genuinely agog that people think stopping driving lessons isn't a natural consequence of his actions. It's a very natural consequence!! He's not mature enough to handle the responsibility. I'd pause lessons for the absolute minimum of 6 months, and consider that extremely generous.

Lord knows I gave my parents some grey hair at that age (and they didn't know half of what I got up to) but I would not have even thought of doing anything like that.

He realised it was risky half way through???? Half way through??? Not before he got in the car?! After 2 lessons?
Good grief, it just gets worse. He has no business being behind the wheel just yet.

I'm all for teenagers having some freedom but there has to be some boundaries and consequences.