Should my six-year-old wear an underlayer with her school uniform?

[ThisGreenPombear]

Firstly, mum is not in the picture so I am really finding my feet with a lot being a single Dad to my 6 year old girl. She is unfortunately very overweight (please don't judge as you don't know what we have been through) and whilst she has not hit puberty or has any actual breasts, due to her excess weight she does have the illusion of some and today the teacher came out and very discreetly suggested that she wears a t-shirt or something under her uniform without going into details.

I am really torn as to what I am meant to do, as it feels very young to introduce the idea of a bra to her, but I am not sure if she actually needs to in some way cover them ie. when changing for PE at school. I also don't want to send her in wearing a t-shirt under her school uniform as again it feels like introducing her to something that she is too young for, plus the UK is currently having a heatwave and the less layers the better. I also worry she could interpret this as me telling her she has to hide away her body due to her weight. Could anyone advise on what is best to do, is it fine to leave her without anything until she actually hits puberty? She hasn't said anything to me about it although we do discuss her body and why/how hers is different to her classmates with being bigger and why that's fine. Additionally I do know that all the children (boys and girls) get changed in a shared classroom at this age at the school but I think my daughter is often taken to one side as she needs help with trousers/skirts and shoes etc.

Just get her a vest.

Hi op, I’m wondering if a sort of vest/crop-top under her shirt may be better than an actual vest or longer layer (especially in this weather!). I think M&S do them and you can get Disney Princess ones if she likes them? X

Something like this wouldn't add too much layering heat wise

https://www.matalan.co.uk/p/childrens-clothing/5-pack-girls-white-crop-tops-younger-6-older-12yrs/15502092/?rctxt=pers

My niece and her friends wear crop tops under school polo shirts. Have done since age 7. They also wear shorts under skirts as they all do handstands all the time. That might be an idea?

The non bra type vest crop tops are the most appropriate thing for her to be wearing and likely already worn by her peers. You can pick them up in supermarkets in multipacks. Keep them plain so that they don't show through.
Like other commenters strongly suggest making shorts under skirts not optional at that age. Gives them some dignity to play as boisterously as they like!
Talking about this as "dignity and privacy" thing is the best way, I was overweight as a child and these things were put on me with a whole big bag of shame, whereas if they were introduced as something "to keep you covered and safe so you can play however you want and not be restricted" is deffo a better angle to go on. Good luck! :)

Posts like this are what make forums so incredibly toxic, given I have no one else to really reach out to for support. You have no idea what me and my daughter have been through or our current situation - my biggest failure in life has been her weight but if you'd have given me the choice at the start of it all to end up with her safe yet obese, I would have taken that option every single time. As you are so arrogantly wrong, let me advise you that she does need to loose a lot of weight and now that we have a period of stability in our lives for the first time, that is now the main priority - to do it in both a physically and mentally healthy. I do not need your patronising response on exercise options, and as for your ending - I bet you would never leave a comment like that on a women's post. Men have children too, and being a single Dad with a daughter is a challenge I love each and every day even if it doesn't fit with you narrative. Everyone else on here has positively suggested options like a crop top which I had not thought of which I will be exploring tomorrow, maybe take a hint from others how to be kind and supportive.

Thanks to you and everyone who has suggest the crop top idea, I had not thought of that and appears to be a good solution. Thanks so much for the dignity solution, she knows she is bigger than her friends but I have always tried to instil an accepting and positive mindset for her body so thats a great way to frame this as we hopefully start on her weight loss journey soon. Thank you!

I agree to the crop tops. Her peers will also be wearing them.
Well done OP for being a good dad and putting your daughter first. I do not know what you have been through but it looks like you are trying to do your best by your daughter. Best wishes - I hope from now on in, things are better for you.

@ThisGreenPombear I'd also suggest a crop top.
And fair play to you for being a caring dad to your daughter. Being a single parent is never easy, but I'm sure you're doing great. No parent is perfect - we're all just doing our best ♥️
Sounds like you've been through a lot, so I hope you are both getting the support you need with everything moving forward.

Thank you - I never had sisters and obviously had no idea that these seem to be worn commonly at this age irrespective of their size based on everyone's posts so this is definitely the way forward.

Crop tops and also looser school tops

However PP is right it’s less about weight loss at this age regardless of weight, more about preventing any more gain and instilling healthy habits

weight loss may happen as a result but ideally she would level out as she grows

You sound like a wonderful Dad. I'm glad you have some stability now.

Also do a search for moisture wicking singlets (I’m in Aus, do you call them vests?). You can get bamboo/modal fabric that will wick moisture away and keep cool. For those of us who are more generously covered, sweat can collect and make you feel wet/uncomfortable. I have found crop tops get really sweaty around the bottom band. So it’s a good way to let her know that you want her to be as comfortable as she can be. I did a quick search to show you why I mean. If you look at popandoli.com.au - bamboo organic cotton singlet, it’ll give you the idea. I am not suggesting you buy from them, just to give you an idea. Good luck dad.

They are a really good suggestion

As others have said, definitely crop tops.
When you get her uniform for next year, buy the tops one size larger. It’ll be a baggier/ relaxed style but not like a tent. It’ll really help.

Just wanted to add that you seem to want to try and tackle her weight problem, which is great. A resource that I found really useful was this guide from the Caroline Walker Trust as it had information on portion sizes and suggested menus. It might take a while to change your Dads diet though and there will probably be a bit of kick back.

You sound a lovely caring dad..wishing you all the best for the future

You also mention her getting help dressing - m&s do some great stretchy pull on achool
troisers which may be worth alook
rk help her dress independently.
juat a thought - sounds like you’re doing a great job Dad x

Well done Dad ☺️! You could always put a vest on her in the winter months x

Are girls really wearing crop tops at age 6??

As someone else has mentioned M&S do school uniform that is easier to get on, their boys trousers were a godsend when my youngest started school.
Also to mention some places naturally have thinner uniforms, I brought some school shirts recently from TU (Sainsbury’s) and they were much thinner then the ones I got from Asda.
Im a mum of boys so my girl clothing knowledge isn’t extensive but my niece wears a plain white vest under most things and she is a year younger and I myself a million years ago wore the crop top style tops others have posted from around age 8.

I was surprised by this too! Mine certainly aren't. What's the point of them?

If they wear polo shirts to school the fabric can be quite scratchy, not sure if that’s why people are using them but that’s certainly why my niece wears a vest under them because she doesn’t like the feel of the material of the school uniform.