Birthday parties. Common for people to do this?!

[Cluelessfirstimer]

DS 4 was invited to a birthday party tomorrow. He cant go as its his cousins party the same day (different nursery no cross over friends).

The mum of the birthday girl created a WhatsApp group with everyone invited. Im still in it although I did tell the mum we couldn't come.

Anyway, today she sends a message. She invited "extra " people incase some couldnt make it. She over invited what the venue will allow by 5. 3 couldnt make it so its still 2 over. She has straight up tagged 2 mums to ask that they keep their DC at home as she doesnt have space.

One has replied kicking off that shes told her DC they are going and moved plans and it will cause huge upset.

Glad im well out of it but this is a bit shit right? Personally I think its awful the day before to suddenly spring on that 2 children cant come. Why would you over invite in the first place?

The group is kicking off now but the mum maintains everyone does this?! Im new to all this but I wouldnt even consider doing that.

Never heard of such dreadful behaviour. Awful!

We've had no shows, we've also had siblings coming along unexpectedly, it's just good manners to make the people you've invited feel welcome. Uninviting kids that were "spares", no, that's really poor.

Yes, this is more the norm and what most people in my kids school do. People accept limits and late invites. Uninviting kids is absurd.
Think she will find she has spaces after that though! 😅

Not quite the same but I remember when DD was about 13, she got invited to a birthday party quite late (think it was ‘going for a meal then to the cinema’ or something). I must’ve questioned the timing because she said ‘oh it cos I was on the reserve list’. I was about to be indignant when she explained they all did it, she’d done it for her birthday and it was fine. I was actually quite impressed that at that age they’d understood the difficulty around planning these things and had sorted out a solution which everyone understood and therefore no one was hurt or upset.

In 2011 I vowed I would never again organise any party, night out, dinner or social event of any kind after, of 18 acceptances, only 2 turned up, and I have stuck to that.

Well sadly two things will happen now.

One is that Birthday Girl will have hardly anyone at her party this year, and next year everyone will simply decline straight away.

Nice work there Mummy.

Her poor little girl though. It's not her fault either and she's going to be devastated if nobody turns up to her party because of her oddball mother.

This is not normal. I actually gasped when I read the bit she told 2 they couldn't come, who does that? No-one! My son is now 18 but his years of parties I'd never invited spares either. I invite x amount and whomever comes and who don't don't. A spare list sounds to me like a back-up present.

I hope the people that said they are going actually go for the child's sake but I wouldn't be attending any future parties.

I actually can't get over someone doing this.

Better to have an unofficial reserve list who you could ask at shirt notice, than over invite for exactly this reason.

This is not normal behaviour at all.

Having had 2 DC in primary schools we often have half to a third not RSPV at all at that age, had some of those turn up anyway and others bring siblings without asking. I've only ever over invited for kids I'm happy to pay for and you just wouldn't do it if there was a strict limit. I usually set a deadline for RSVP too.

Just can't believe she hasn't realised the impact on kids who are at an age where there is so much talk of birthdays and parties 😥 Totally understand wanting an alternative plan in place but it's also sad for the birthday girl who didn't choose to have such a strange mother.

The chances are that some of the invited kids will not show up. If I was uninvited I would have made out like I never got the message,turn up anyway and see what happened. If necessary cause a scene. But then I can be a bitch.

That's absolutely mad, I've never heard of this.... how horrid. Also, she has guaranteed nobody except very close friends will ever attend/rsvp attending to her parties again in case they get dumped!

That’s horrendous , so stingy too. Just need to book and pay for the max number and suck it up if people don’t turn up and build numbers up last minute with siblings if possible, what sort of venue is it where people can’t pay to enter ? So unfair to the kids. I’m glad she told the other mums in a wider group so people can see her awful behaviour.

Nope, not normal and terribly terribly rude. Those poor kids who are now being excluded.

I would be making a mental note to not bother with this woman's parties ever again, in case next time it's my kid being let down.

This is possibly going to backfire on her own child, maybe the parents who are offended by this won’t be attending parties hosted by her again, but also won’t be inviting her child either. She should have picked a venue that had flexibility on numbers if she was taking a risk with over-inviting.

I’ve never come across that before and how she can’t see it’s harsh to uninvited people the day before and not even apologise!!
But also sad for the birthday girl like you said wor no one going

Poor form!
It’s a really shitty thing for her to do.
I’d be livid if it were my child being asked not to go.

It’s not ideal but something to this effect would have been better than tagging two parents…

“I’m really sorry but I’ve accidentally invited more than the venue’s Capacity and I unfortunately need to ask two children not to attend tomorrow. I’m sorry this has happened but is there anyone who could please volunteer and we could either go for a picnic or soft play play date another day and I’ll cover all of the costs due to my cock-up”

Inviting extra to cover for potential no-shows is fine as long as you commit to paying for those extra kids if they subsequently turn up. But telling parents their kids now can’t attend is not okay.

Yeah, I must say that I have never seen this happen. Our 2 DC had birthday parties in primary school, and invited about 12 or 13 children (I did it at home, or had them at Maccies, one at a Playbarn...) Sometimes one of our DC would say 'mom, can Charlotte's sister come?' or 'mom, I had fallen out with Louise when I sent the invites out and now we're friends again, can she come now?'

Sometimes we'd end up with 3 or 4 extra children! What did we do??!!! We managed. We improvised. We were resourceful and quick. 'Maccies and Playbarn, provide food for 15 children please, not 12....' Both would accommodate. When I did it myself (in the house) with party games (pass the parcel, pin the tail on the donkey etc,) I would make sure there was enough food and fun and games for the extra 2-4 children. IT'S NOT THAT HARD!

I mean, what was her wording? ‘We have too many children so please can Sophie and Jack not come now?’ I just can’t imagine it. Sounds awful.

Incredibly rude of her ... I feel sorry for her child

I love drama I'm not involved in 🤣

I feel for the birthday girl but that mum is an idiot.

Genuine question - is she ASD?
and I don’t say that as someone who thinks people who are on the spectrum are ‘allowed’ to be rude or that everyone who’s a bit odd needs to be diagnosed with something.
it’s just that this behaviour is so utterly bizarre and rude it makes me wonder if she has absolutely no sense of social dynamics.

I dread to think the kind of area you live in and people that inhabit it. All sounds so gross it makes my skin itch.

How on earth did she select the unlucky 2 children? That’s awful!

I dont know the answer to this. Maybe? Maybe not? I speak to her a fair bit in the queue at pick up but has never mentioned it nor would I know really.

The wording was
Guys I have over invited with extra people for Xs party as is normal by about 5. X Y Z cant attend but its still over by 2 from confirmed.
@ J @ S can you please keep T and B at home tomorrow as there will not be space due to capacity of the venue.

Its actually a very nice area I live in so no its not all that we are all scumbags here! Her and her husband have very decent careers well educated.

The rest of her messages were very much defending that this is normal and seemed a bit shocked people were so shocked at this.
Adamant nothing she could do as the venue is strict on numbers.

For back ground as a few have asked its her only child and her child's first party which she was excited to host and from what ive seen is Included probably cost quite a lot

Oh dear… this has all gone badly wrong. I feel very sorry for the birthday girl who may now have a wash-out party. I think I’d cut the mum some slack though. The kids are all young, maybe she hasn’t done a party before and has been given poor advice. It’s very mean of the other mums to arrange a soft play meet up instead,