Birthday parties. Common for people to do this?!

[Cluelessfirstimer]

DS 4 was invited to a birthday party tomorrow. He cant go as its his cousins party the same day (different nursery no cross over friends).

The mum of the birthday girl created a WhatsApp group with everyone invited. Im still in it although I did tell the mum we couldn't come.

Anyway, today she sends a message. She invited "extra " people incase some couldnt make it. She over invited what the venue will allow by 5. 3 couldnt make it so its still 2 over. She has straight up tagged 2 mums to ask that they keep their DC at home as she doesnt have space.

One has replied kicking off that shes told her DC they are going and moved plans and it will cause huge upset.

Glad im well out of it but this is a bit shit right? Personally I think its awful the day before to suddenly spring on that 2 children cant come. Why would you over invite in the first place?

The group is kicking off now but the mum maintains everyone does this?! Im new to all this but I wouldnt even consider doing that.

Also she cant add extra people because its a fire risk and the venue wont allow it so paying extra isnt an option

No, not normal at all and really unfair on the now uninvited children.

That’s terrible! Of course you can’t uninvite kids because of your own poor planning 😫😫😫

What an idiot. Poor children. Not normal.

Ridiculous thing to do. The poor kids.

It's a very poor way to treat people. I'd be embarrassed if I was her and everyone on that WhatsApp could see how badly I'd behaved.

She’s an idiot, that’s really mean. Does this mean no parents can stay in the building either? Or is she ditching kids but keeping adults?

Not normal, no.

Those poor children.

It's definitely not normal. If there's a limit on how many you can invite then you stick to the limit.

Well I guess people wont go to any other parties she hosts. Her poor children.

No thats not normal behaviour at all.

Of course it isn't normal some people are so brazen! Who does this 😳

Right?! I thought so too. Absolutely horrible. She maintains everyone is doing this because people always drop out...! And to tag 2 mums asking that their children stay home like they were always the 'spares' makes me really sad for them.

And to tag 2 mums asking that their children stay home like they were always the 'spares' makes me really sad for them.

Has anyone called her out for this shitty behaviour?

Presumably that’s what the mum and now the group are kicking off about?

One other mum has sent a message saying shes out of order and one of the tagged mums has massively kicked off about it (quite rightly) im really tempted to send a message myself but as DS isnt going part of me feels like I should stay out of it really.

I actually have social anxiety nightmares where I'm exposed doing things like this that I'd never do in real life 😬.

I have over invited to parties or asked if siblings want to come later but never in a way that means I'd be obliged to bump anyone off the list.

Nursery on Monday is going to be fun or even the splintered off WhatsApps, i don't understand how she has no awareness.

@Cluelessfirstimer what a horrible thing to do. I've always booked the full number. Yes, it's expensive and a bit annoying when people don't turn up on the day but I just see it as an overall cost for the party rather than wasted places.

Tagging them so everyone can see is brutal.

That's awful. Not sure what she can do now. But she should not have over invited. Very selfish to have no thought for the two children she tagged who she knows are exoecting to go to a party. She deserves to know she is unreasonable. She has to own that. apologies. Offer to take those two to softplay or park after the party. What a horrible lady.

I haven't done a party for DS yet (we usually go on holiday for his birthday and said we would start them next year when hes at school) but this is what I would do.

The mum of one of the uninvited children has set up a separate chat saying she is thinking of hiring soft play tomorrow for anyone who would rather go to that.

I think thats nice but also feeling terrible for the birthday girl if everyone decides to just abandon her party now.

Monday is going to be interesting.

That is absolutely insane of her.

You invite the right number of people, and if people say no, you can always invite others at that point. We’ve had a couple of later notice invitations over the years where I assume my DD has been invited due to a drop out - it’s fine. The other way round is just absurd.
Any she won’t have many people accepting next year, as they won’t want to be told last minute that they didn’t make the cut!

Not normal at all.

It's so awful to do that to excited 4 year olds.

And it's humiliating & hurtful for those two mums for their children to be the 'deselected' ones.

Morally I'd want to support the two Mums by saying 'Thats a horrible thing to do, we're not coming either, 2xmums do you fancy going to the soft play at 1pm instead' but that leaves your own kid upset & it's not the birthday boys fault that his mum is socially and emotionally inept.

Edit: cross post with OP - we're obviously thinking on the same lines!

I feel like its going to turn into a picking sides thing. Few other parents have jumped in saying how its not very nice. Birthday girl mum is still saying everyone accounts for a few no shows and shes 'sorry' but nothing she can do now.

Thankful we couldn't make it now.

I'm glad others are telling her how unacceptable it is.

Birthday girl's mum is delusional. People expect a few no shows, but no one else thinks it's ok to univite children from a party with just 1 days notice.