Birthday parties. Common for people to do this?!

[Cluelessfirstimer]

DS 4 was invited to a birthday party tomorrow. He cant go as its his cousins party the same day (different nursery no cross over friends).

The mum of the birthday girl created a WhatsApp group with everyone invited. Im still in it although I did tell the mum we couldn't come.

Anyway, today she sends a message. She invited "extra " people incase some couldnt make it. She over invited what the venue will allow by 5. 3 couldnt make it so its still 2 over. She has straight up tagged 2 mums to ask that they keep their DC at home as she doesnt have space.

One has replied kicking off that shes told her DC they are going and moved plans and it will cause huge upset.

Glad im well out of it but this is a bit shit right? Personally I think its awful the day before to suddenly spring on that 2 children cant come. Why would you over invite in the first place?

The group is kicking off now but the mum maintains everyone does this?! Im new to all this but I wouldnt even consider doing that.

In my experience most of the invited children don’t reply at all so you can’t tell how many will be coming. I think not rsvping is the height of poor manners.

Does she work for the airline industry? This is how they operate too apparently. Not sure I’ve heard of any parties (especially children’s parties) operating this way.

Oh no. Thats just as bad.

Does she think she’s Ryanair? Is she offering compensation?

Yep I agree this is the norm. I also don't understand her inviting others for "drop outs" if that's the case surely you just let everyone turn up on the day and hope there's 2 less? That is actual drop outs. Inviting too many then asking 2 not to come isn't over inviting for drop outs it's just poor planning.

Perhaps she works for Ryanair and thinks she's booking a flight 😂😂🙈

What does she think the extra people do with the gift and cards? The poor children. What a screw up.

That's absolutely awful behaviour.

How was drop off this morning?

I feel awful for the birthday girl. It’s not her fault the mum has no social etiquette.

Drop off tbis morning felt awkward. Group of mums whispering by the door. Birthday mum walked in with a face of thunder. I said hi she just smiled. Dropped her little one off then stormed out without 1 word to anyone.

I’m really praying that birthday mum does her own thread so we can all tell her she needs to apologise as she clearly has no clue she’s in the wrong 🙏 🤣 yes I’m over-invested and need to get a life..

@NorthFacingGardener I can remember the last time I was this invested in a thread 🤣😅

Thanks for the update @Cluelessfirstimer. Honestly sounds like a her issue. Wonder if she's the type to blame the world for her own actions. Sadly in my experience they don't change, and are never wrong in their own eyes. Bad start to school life to have had this happen in reception year! Luckily the kids will have all been mostly clueless.

6th birthday ought to be interesting though 🫣

@NorthFacingGardener *can't 🤦🏼‍♀️ ugh typos!

Nope YOU NEVER do this. Completely nasty and inexcusable! I have once invited school friends, got replies and then invited home friends after when we did a party when we absolutely could not go over a certain number. (To do with the amount of equipment the company had, not just the money, so there wasn't even the option to pay for extras) Never would I dream of inviting too many, that's plain nasty

Well - I hope the party mum reflects and realises that this was entirely her fault. What she did was very poor etiquette and basically, she fucked around and found out!

Pick up was just as awkward. Its usually a very chatty queue waiting to pick up. Its usually full of everyone laughing, chatting etc but was absolutely silent today. Felt like queueing for a funeral 😅

Briefly saw birthday mum run in and run out

Ill update this thread if there is any further interestesting updates on it!

Hopefully birthday mum has got the message and won't try that again

That. The other parents punished the little birthday girl, not the mother.

But to boycott a child’s party because of the mothers behaviour makes the other mums pretty mean imo.

I think it's almost worse, to be honest. The mums were so invested in their own anger with the mother that they deliberately took action that hurt a little girl. That's pretty shameful in my opinion.

@Cluelessfirstimer I’m not surprised. It’s just about the stupidest thing she could do.

The problem in this situation though is that someones kid is going to end up upset one way or another. So either they support the uninvited kids by having a different get together or they go to the party, leaving the uninvited kids out. There is no good ending really, just a "least worst" option. Sounds like the girl still got a party and the others didnt get left out, so all in all it could have been worse.

If I was OP I would be feeling as she does, grateful to be out of it all.

The awful thing is, she might never host a party again but only the child is the loser in all this. Very sad.

Mums are human too and she probably made an error of judgement. I don't think it is bad enough to create a witchhunt.

Ah what a shame for the kids involved here!

I wouldnt call it a witch hunt but pissed off people voting with their feet. She fucked up, we all do, not the end of the world.

Its not that she fucked up, its that she doubled down on it, showed no empathy or consideration for the excluded kids, didnt even do it quietly off the the group chat and has never once apologised.

If she had said "I am so sorry, I screwed up on numbers, is there anyone who wouldnt mind dropping out and having a play date instead?" I very much doubt that there would have been this reaction.

This - l agree she should have offered an alternative to the children uninvited, her attitude was awful and if the birthday girl had her birthday spoiled it would have been a shame but the mother only had herself to blame, her actions have consequences.

You can’t treat a children’s birthday party like plane filling. You’ve paid for the party anyway, if anyone says they can’t come you can always ask someone else.I can’t imagine inviting a child and then saying oh sorry, overbooked.

Still actually no need to treat the kid like pooh. The LG didn't do it. Just all seems very school yard. Airing it in the chat and then making a counter plan.......all a bit childish.