Birthday parties. Common for people to do this?!

[Cluelessfirstimer]

DS 4 was invited to a birthday party tomorrow. He cant go as its his cousins party the same day (different nursery no cross over friends).

The mum of the birthday girl created a WhatsApp group with everyone invited. Im still in it although I did tell the mum we couldn't come.

Anyway, today she sends a message. She invited "extra " people incase some couldnt make it. She over invited what the venue will allow by 5. 3 couldnt make it so its still 2 over. She has straight up tagged 2 mums to ask that they keep their DC at home as she doesnt have space.

One has replied kicking off that shes told her DC they are going and moved plans and it will cause huge upset.

Glad im well out of it but this is a bit shit right? Personally I think its awful the day before to suddenly spring on that 2 children cant come. Why would you over invite in the first place?

The group is kicking off now but the mum maintains everyone does this?! Im new to all this but I wouldnt even consider doing that.

Never encountered this before. Surely everyone knows to book a venue that can accommodate your numbers. It's very poor form and will have a negative effect on her child who may find herself passed over for other birthday invitations/ playdates and may find that less of her class mates attend tomorrow in solidarity. It will make the school run interesting on Monday.

A few of the venues in our area have a maximum of 30 and DDs class is a 28 so if someone is using one of those venues they do ask that siblings don't attend so there is space for everyone. In one case (a summer holiday party) there were only 14 able to go and the mum did post that there were 15 paid for spaces as she has done exclusive hire and said siblings could come on first come first served basis - they had to reply to say if sibling was coming and once spaces were gone they were gone.

i really hope that everyone doesn’t do this. This is a horrible way to treat people - the child will be looking forward to, the parents have probably made arrangements to enable their child to get there and probably will have spent money on getting a present.

I know! Imagine being the kids who didn’t make the grade. How could their mums tell them?

I think the birthday mum has misunderstood that people often overinvite because they know some people will decline. Even on the day of a party there are often 'no shows'. However, you might also get kids turning up who have not RSVPd so if your venue has a strict limit on numbers you just have to work to that. You definitely don't uninvite kids the day before! She might have got away with it if she had apologised for her mistake and grovelled and asked for volunteers who wouldn't mind missing the party (maybe offering a bribe like a soft play session). I think there is going to be plenty space at her poor child's party after all.

I don't know anyone who does this if there's a risk of having too many allowed in the venue.

I invited "too many" to my DC's party, but it was at my house so the worst that would happen is we'd be more squeezed than ideal. I also had a B list. But certainly not acceptable to uninvite people. Poor children.

I would stay out of it though. It's not the birthday child's fault.

She doesn’t run an airlines does she? That’s the shit they pull 😂

We have seen 3 children through primary school. Never seen a situation like this. It's not normal!

Wow, awful. Who even does that, poor kids. I’d be furious.

Unfair on the birthday child if they all boycott the party though.

Following so I can find out what happens tomorrow. No it’s normal I have 3 children one been and left school we’ve done our time at the school parties and WhatsApp groups but this I have NEVER ever heard of!!! I hope no one goes tomorrow that mum needs teaching a lesson how horrible for those kids she singled out like that!! Awful!!!

This is shockingly bad form. How awful.

Airlines do this and I'm amazed that's allowed as well.

I invited one child to my DC's party two years running. The Mum accepted, so I catered for them / did a party bag etc. They flaked out on the day both years for no reason.

So I didn't invite them this year.

It’s such a stupid thing to do, as if she’d just said “oh no, I’ve messed up the numbers and we’re two over, is everyone going to make it tomorrow?”, two kids/parents probably would have dropped out voluntarily.

That is awful those poor kids.

I one had the reverse of this where DS got invited to a party like 4 days before it was on ( in a venue that clearly would have been booked weeks before). Me and DH joked about him being the cancellation invite. But we had nothing on that day and he spend the afternoon at soft play with his mates so 💁‍♀️

Around here there's a often a prebooking what's app to see who's free before booking places but my son is now in school so don't know if that may be the reason.

Poor little kid caught in the middle

Jesus. Just when you think you've heard it all!! It's insane to literally tag the two to not come as well! At an absolute push she could maybe have said "oops I'm so sorry I've miscounted and realised we are over on numbers, is everyone still coming" and gone from there.
My DD gets SO excited about birthday parties. If I had to tell her the day before she wasn't going she would be absolutely devastated. 😭

Everybody doesn't do this. Silly woman.

Wow, I’ve never heard of this! I feel really sorry for those 2 mums and their children, and would not feel at all comfortable being treated like this/treating others like this/even being a bystander in that WatsApp group- beyond awkward!

She won’t be ove numbers when the day comes cos no one will show and the poor birthday girl will be the one that suffers 😔

Never heard of that. Pretty bad attitude to be so blasé about un-inviting a child last minute when they've done nothing wrong.

How soul-crushing. 🤬

Ill update what happens tomorrow or monday when I find out how it all went. The WhatsApp group has gone quiet so im not too sure what the outcome is going to be.

2 parents left the group 1 other who cant make it but the other one was someone who was supposed to be going. They haven't messaged anything just left.

The other group (im not sure why I was added to it think they just added everyone bar birthday girl mum) seems to be planning a soft play session tomorrow and a few invited have said they wont be attending the party and going to that instead.

I know monday is going to be awkward either way.

That's awful! I'd never do that as well. My son's having a joint party and only 20 children can attend due to the venues rules. Myself and the other parent invited all the boys in their class (that's what they wanted and the numbers worked out perfectly), some can't attend, so we've since invited other children, family members, etc. I'd have felt awful telling some parents that their child isn't allowed to attend now.

That is literally insane.

If she had over-invited (which she should not have done in the first place) she could have explained the situation to everyone and asked if there was anyone who could possibly drop out… selecting two specific people is awful.

And FGS, it's ok to over invite as people do cancel or just flake (as we know) but always be prepared for everyone to show up.

ie I threw a party for 21 kids recently. Parents and some siblings attended. I had enough cake to include siblings (I can't abide a kid not getting cake) and then was able to offer cake to parents who wanted some. Party favours for the invited kids, but cake for all. Even though 3 said they couldn't attend they showed last minute. I was wholly prepared for that, too. They're kids fgs. I hate stingy people.