Birthday parties. Common for people to do this?!

[Cluelessfirstimer]

DS 4 was invited to a birthday party tomorrow. He cant go as its his cousins party the same day (different nursery no cross over friends).

The mum of the birthday girl created a WhatsApp group with everyone invited. Im still in it although I did tell the mum we couldn't come.

Anyway, today she sends a message. She invited "extra " people incase some couldnt make it. She over invited what the venue will allow by 5. 3 couldnt make it so its still 2 over. She has straight up tagged 2 mums to ask that they keep their DC at home as she doesnt have space.

One has replied kicking off that shes told her DC they are going and moved plans and it will cause huge upset.

Glad im well out of it but this is a bit shit right? Personally I think its awful the day before to suddenly spring on that 2 children cant come. Why would you over invite in the first place?

The group is kicking off now but the mum maintains everyone does this?! Im new to all this but I wouldnt even consider doing that.

Absolutely awful. She need to do shifts or one in one out.

And announce to everyone’

The ironic thing is, I bet there would have been two people who RSVP'd yes and then never showed!
But yeah, that's not how things are normally done! In fact, I'd normally get the kids to decide who they actually wanted to invite and then make arrangements from there. I have never heard of anyone over inviting and then having to uninvite people before!

"as is normal"

I think she has mistaken undercatering on numbers for buffets (which is standard) as some wont turn up and some wont eat. So say you are expecting to host 100, you cater for 80. Normal.

Kids party.....not at all!

ETA Sounds like the last party she organised was her wedding where they booked a venue that can hold (say) 80 but invited 90 because they will get some declines. Again, normal but the percentage margins are much bigger than a kids party!

Awful behaviour but I’d also feel sorry for the birthday girl if nobody shows, not her fault her mum
is a dick.

No not normal, if numbers are tight you have a back up list or accept siblings
If you have really balls up and invited too many people you hold your hands but and very apologetic ask if anyone would kindly drop out and then if anyone is 50:50 about going or would usually do something else and only wasn't going to do it because of the party. They can then volunteer to drop out.

A friend accidentally invited too many people to his wedding, we got a message privately explaining the error and said they were asking +1s to not attend the ceremony. I replied with we were both happy to stay outside. Had it been on a group chat where we were randomly tagged and told, "sorry you aren't invited to the ceremony anymore" I would have felt different about the request!

Ah that's awful but I hope her daughter doesn't have to pay for her mum's mistake. I also think it was bad form for the other mum to start arranging a competing event

I once booked my daughters party invited 12 but only booked for 10 as 2 friends never come to parties but we always invite. A week before they both said they could come, I rang up to book them on but the venue was now fully booked! I was absolutely despairing about what to do, every scenario running through my head, I absolutely begged the venue. After about 30mins they agreed to add 2 more on but asked me to not tell anyone. The day of the party 2 other kids dropped out 🙈
I would have cancelled the whole party rather than uninvite 2 kids what a despicable thing to do.

Uninviting a four year old to a party is beyond brutal.

Ouch.

Definitely not normal.

Does she think this is Ryanair overbooking a flight?? Good God, that's awful behaviour. Those poor kids and mums. No one will be going to that kids party in future...

This is awful. Those poor kids, and her own.

How on earth did she decide who was worthy of a guaranteed space, and who was purely for making up the numbers?

No idea but I sure am glad we cant make it because maybe my DS was a spare and if I had been tagged in that message I would have been absolutely heartbroken for my DS.

That's horrible. I would definitely let her know my child was excited for the party and disappointed. I would never accept an invitation to a party from her again, even if my child wasn't uninvited. Too flaky. Definitely not normal.

I wouldn't set up an alternative soft play and invite those from the party either. That just puts them in an awkward position. Do that and invite others not at the party though, by all means.

Just wow

Some parents won’t want to be involved in her insane drama so she might end up with more no-shows than expected at the party!

To pick the two kids to uninvite in front of everyone else was absolutely brutal!

The mum is out of order but I do feel so sorry for her poor DD

Poor birthday girl.

My dm had one birthday party as a child and a huge storm came and nobody showed up.

This is not normal at all!

I forgot to say, not a normal/usual idea that I have experienced. I would not invite children then uninvite them. She is a bad party planner. And thoughtless.
I'd probably go (if I wasn't uninvited) purely for the birthday girl though. To me her feelings matter more than what her foolish dm did.

Is it a class WhatsApp, or a specific WhatsApp group do the party?

Anyway, no, it’s absolutely not normal and the singling out of two children is just awful. As someone else said; she could easily have just said she’d made a mistake with numbers and was everybody still coming, possibly asked two adults not to attend.

Can’t believe she hasn’t apologised.

Very strange behaviour, particularly the fact she doesn’t seem bothered.

*I’ve just seen she created the WhatsApp group. Fair play that people are just leaving it then. Maybe that’ll drive the message home to her once a few more leave with no comment.

I wonder where she's getting her idea of "normal" from, given her only child is 4 years old. But that aside, even if she thinks over inviting is normal her handling of the consequences is not. If you over invite and end up with too many then it's on you to sort that out with the venue. Nobody uninvites two little kids, and definitely not publicly on a WhatsApp group! I am glad people are calling her out

Totally bonkers. It would be fine if she dropped the birthday child's older sibling or if she added guests' siblings later to fill the places of kids who couldn't attend.
Very hurtful to little people who have already wrapped a gift.

It’s certainly not the norm, how on earth has she decided who are the spares?!
If you’re hiring somewhere that can only take a set amount of children, you invite that number and live with the fact there will probably be a couple of spaces as people drop out.
I’m not surprised the spares are planning an alternative that some of the party goers are going to, imagine trying to explain to your small child that they are no longer invited to the party that they were excited to go to…

That’s awful. Absolutely nobody does this!!
I’ve had party invites literally the morning before as someone was sick! (Thankfully have a stash of presents and cards!).
I’ve received messages like this…. and I imagine most have…! Over-inviting is a really awful thing that nobody does. How horribly sad for the two DC involved.
’hey X is having a party at _. She wanted to invite Y to begin with but limited space, anyone someone is sick and would love it if Y could come? I know it’s super short notice!’