Birthday parties. Common for people to do this?!

[Cluelessfirstimer]

DS 4 was invited to a birthday party tomorrow. He cant go as its his cousins party the same day (different nursery no cross over friends).

The mum of the birthday girl created a WhatsApp group with everyone invited. Im still in it although I did tell the mum we couldn't come.

Anyway, today she sends a message. She invited "extra " people incase some couldnt make it. She over invited what the venue will allow by 5. 3 couldnt make it so its still 2 over. She has straight up tagged 2 mums to ask that they keep their DC at home as she doesnt have space.

One has replied kicking off that shes told her DC they are going and moved plans and it will cause huge upset.

Glad im well out of it but this is a bit shit right? Personally I think its awful the day before to suddenly spring on that 2 children cant come. Why would you over invite in the first place?

The group is kicking off now but the mum maintains everyone does this?! Im new to all this but I wouldnt even consider doing that.

That's awful! She's not an airline! I can't say I've come across anyone who "overbooks" for their child's party. They invite the child's friends (obviously there's often a limit on numbers, due to cost), and that's that.

It would serve the mother right if everyone boycotted the event (but awful for her child, so I wouldn't want that to happen). I would stay out of it, since you aren't attending, but I hope everyone pressures the mother to pay for 2 additional spaces. Her behaviour is so rude. How upsetting for the children involved.

Good manners are an underrated virtue, aren't they.

It does remind me of the time my ex asked me to uninvite the disabled children because we had over invited. I did not oblige.

No, nobody does this, and she clearly has no idea at all about the terrible impression she's making on a whole WhatsApp group of parents. An astonishing lack of manners and self awareness.

Obviously this is terrible but I'm surprised at the number of people saying the girl won't get invited to parties now?

Do people really do this - leave a kid out just because their parent was shit at organising their own party properly (and was shitty to other kids)?

She's probably been stung before by people flaking. You say that three have in fact dropped out, so the plan wasn't wrong, it was just that she over-estimated by 2 how many were likely to flake.

I have sympathy as it's awful when your attendee numbers dwindle and spoil your event.

But she should have had contingency plans if everyone did turn up.

3 didn’t flake and drop out, they couldn’t come, it’s not the same. And she can’t have been burned that many times it’s only a 4th birthday!

She’s a twat. Everyone from now on will know her as a twat. Her poor child

Nearly 12 years of birthday parties x 2 kids and I’ve never heard of this. Awful!

OP doesn't state why they couldn't come, but 90% of party dropouts are because people can't be arsed or get a better offer on the day. In any event, the reason is immaterial - it's a fact that if you organise something nowadays, you can expect multiple dropouts, whether for genuine reasons or not.

OP doesn't state whether birthday child has siblings, if they do, that could add up to more significantly more than 4 parties of which the mum has experience.

Even if birthday child is an only child, children's birthdays are not the only type of social event that ever happens. Most adults have had experience of organising all kinds of social events and are well aware of the current potential for flaking.

Of course this isn’t appropriate.
but i can understand how it happens- people have lost the art of RSVPing in good time, and think an acceptance of an invitation is a loose statement of intent, so often people don’t show up, when you’ve paid for a place for their child .

maybe if people went back to the correct way of responding to invitations then situations like this wouldn’t happen.

she over booked like an airline does. because she anticipated no shows. m
i suspect if she hadn’t messaged people to de invite them the situation would have resolved by no shows.
but what a lot of stress, and this will be remembered and set the tone for future interactions with her, so a bit of a disaster so early in school lifeZ

No, this is not normal. I wonder if she did this at her wedding too? Imagine that!

Out of order birthday mums are nothing new. One of the mums on our class WhatsApp chat had a go at the whole class—she had hardly had any RSVPs, and it was rude.

Cue lots of mums of girls in the class apologising profusely—they must not have seen the invitations in their DDs’ bags, and yes, they would love to come.

The mum replied that actually, they only invited the boys in the class, and only the “fun” girls in the class— x, x, and x (she called them out by name, and no, they weren’t the girls of the mums who had apologised and said that their DDs could come). Horrible woman.

No one does this, of course they don’t. I would swerve that party if my child were invited after seeing this, terrible behaviour and I would avoid in solidarity with the poor rejected kids and mums.

I assume this is their first kid because people who’ve held or been to lots of parties will know that some families will turn up with siblings gs with the expectation they can join in so you always have to assume more than you invite and cater / make party bags accordingly.

That’s totally batshit! I feel for the little girl who is in the middle of all this and may not have many people coming to their party. Equally the poor uninvited kids 💔

Does she own an airline? This is the nasty trick they pull isn't it?! Book more people than there are places and expect someone not to come! Outrageous and very rude!

The 3 didn’t drop out on the day, they couldn’t come. You are as unreasonable as the party mum, but it’s not surprising there’s more than one rude party parent out there.

We were told about it a month ago. I told her immediately we couldn't make it. 1 other told me about a week later they had plans too and had told birthday mum - the other also told me they were not going not sure when they told birthday mum or when the other told her but I think both were in good time

The group was quite spicy for a while. Few called her out how it was awful, 1 uninvited mum kicked off the other one hasnt said anything. Ended with the birthday mum just saying again that it is what it is and they wouldnt be able to come then went quiet.

She hasnt really apologised which I find the most surprising. She said im sorry there is nothing I can do but not much else.

In the other group that was made quite a few people have said they are not going now because of this which is sad for the birthday girl.

Ive kept quiet. We always had plans and wasnt going so thought its not really my place to get involved but I do think this is horrible.

I’ve been to parties with limited numbers for theyve asked only one parent to accompany and our DC is also 4.

This is wild.

Yes, it happens all the time.

They don’t do all class parties where I live, so if the parent fucks up, your child is less likely to get invites to a small-ish bday party.

I had boys so it was less of an issue, but I know mum friends with girls and there was definitely a hierarchy to the invites list.

Urgh what a nasty way to treat people! This puts me in mind of the bloke in the film Saltburn who said 'I don't need any more friends, I'll call you when one of them dies!' Just using people as commodities and pawns for her convenience. Despicable behaviour. Those poor little children who are invited, and then uninvited.

That’s awful. I’ve never heard of people doing this and would never do it myself. In the situation of a maximum number of kids I’d just send an extra invite out as people said they couldn’t come rather than invite too many people in the first place.

No. I mean fair enough to have some spares on your list and invite them if others drop out, though if it was obvious it was last minute it could be awkward. But you absolutely can't invite people then uninvite them!

I would. At this age parents are involved in parties and drop offs and such and this woman sounds like a headache.

Wow that is so unfair on the children concerned. I would never say someone could come then retract it. I get that people sometimes over invite as there will inevitably be people who are busy. For example I invited approx 50 to my son's party last year and about 35 turned up and 3 of those were siblings of attendees not actually in the initial invited number.

This year, he attends a double in take school and the venue has a limit of 50 but there is 60 children across both classes, so I am hoping at least ten decline......

When he was at nursery there was a couple of instances that invites were messaged out, then once capacity was hit they said sorry anyone who hasn't RSVPd we now are full, which tbh I will probably have to do for her party as it's a 25 limit but I have no idea how many kids she plays with etc as they all do different days etc.

Kind of hoping with both that it works itself out.

Is she an airline? Bloody hell never jeans of overbooking a party! Using children as filler and just in cases, how bloody cruel! She must know how excited they get for these things.