Birthday parties. Common for people to do this?!

[Cluelessfirstimer]

DS 4 was invited to a birthday party tomorrow. He cant go as its his cousins party the same day (different nursery no cross over friends).

The mum of the birthday girl created a WhatsApp group with everyone invited. Im still in it although I did tell the mum we couldn't come.

Anyway, today she sends a message. She invited "extra " people incase some couldnt make it. She over invited what the venue will allow by 5. 3 couldnt make it so its still 2 over. She has straight up tagged 2 mums to ask that they keep their DC at home as she doesnt have space.

One has replied kicking off that shes told her DC they are going and moved plans and it will cause huge upset.

Glad im well out of it but this is a bit shit right? Personally I think its awful the day before to suddenly spring on that 2 children cant come. Why would you over invite in the first place?

The group is kicking off now but the mum maintains everyone does this?! Im new to all this but I wouldnt even consider doing that.

My toes are curling for her. It’s a truly appalling gaffe. Poor kids - especially hers!

I’m very pleased she’s pissed off and has received the message, I can imagine the entitled type of mum she must be. Bet she will have one of the golden children in reception.

Wonder if she’s ND. It’s quite a black and white attitude … I think if i was her I would not have over invited. I’d have seen what my 15 said then asked others if I had some Nos but if I had done what she had - I’d have had to ask if anyone would voluntarily drop out and I’m sure there would have been a couple of people who’d have done it to help out!

The mother seems so clueless as to what she has done wrong. Did anybody in the group chat point out that actually this is not normal birthday party etiquette? Overinviting, if you can be flexible on numbers, is fine because chances are some will decline. Not wanting spaces is understandable. Her errors were
1 Uninviting children
2 Uninviting them by tagging in a group chat
3 Not apologising profusely and offering an alternative treat

OP could message her privately, now she has the confidence of MN opinion.

In the long run, hopefully the little girl will benefit from having a mother who has learned a sharp lesson.

Otherwise the girl could well just copy this behaviour and feel this way of doing things is "the norm". Doubt the mother will do this again!

Im ND and am personally getting a little tired of seeing shitty behaviour explained/excused away by it.

Not having a go at you personally but I see it on almost every thread where someone is acting like an arsehole. Being ND doesn't make you do things like this, to me the party mum just sounds like a CF.

Most people would just invite the correct number then invite more when people say they can't come. It is so cruel on a 4 year old to say they are now not coming. If it only hurt the mum i would almost arrange something will all the other mums on that day but its not right to be petty to a small child.

Completely agree. It’s really unhelpful and untrue to blame all shitty behaviour on being “ND”.

I was going to reply something similar! Someone else has suggested she must be autistic. So offensive. I'm autistic and have never done this.

But as I said above, there were no winners here. Either the excluded kids feel terrible that everyone else still got to go, and kids will talk about it at school and make it worse. Or, the birthday girl is upset because no one turns up at her party.

As it was, she still got a party, admittedly a smaller one, and the excluded kids got a nice afternoon with their mates. All in all, it could have been worse.

I’d just leave the group
job done

No that’s really not normal how mean.

I hope party mum is able to reflect on why this happened and take some personal responsibility. It’s just a really bad way to treat people.

sadly though, I don’t think people should have pulled out. This wasn’t the way to address it and now she is angry at others.

good you were totally out of it!

That's exactly how I would have addressed it. Attending would have meant endorsing the behaviour and the last minute brutal exclusion of two children.

Not really an update. Well sort of. Bumped into another mum in sainsburys about an hour ago.

She had seen birthday girls mum at the park. They were chatting and birthday girls mum (BGM ill use) bought up the party. Apparently BGM said it was a lovely party but its a shame about "all the drama that was created"

Other mum said she didnt really know what to say so changed the subject but it seems she doesnt realise SHE caused all the drama?! Its blown my mind...

Ohh dear the mum sounds really hard work. I would be glad our kids were going to different schools.

Sounds like BGM is fishing and isn’t prepared to say it’s her fault even though she must know it is. Someone should tell her straight that you can’t invite anyone - whatever their age - to a party and then uninvite them.