Birthday parties. Common for people to do this?!

[Cluelessfirstimer]

DS 4 was invited to a birthday party tomorrow. He cant go as its his cousins party the same day (different nursery no cross over friends).

The mum of the birthday girl created a WhatsApp group with everyone invited. Im still in it although I did tell the mum we couldn't come.

Anyway, today she sends a message. She invited "extra " people incase some couldnt make it. She over invited what the venue will allow by 5. 3 couldnt make it so its still 2 over. She has straight up tagged 2 mums to ask that they keep their DC at home as she doesnt have space.

One has replied kicking off that shes told her DC they are going and moved plans and it will cause huge upset.

Glad im well out of it but this is a bit shit right? Personally I think its awful the day before to suddenly spring on that 2 children cant come. Why would you over invite in the first place?

The group is kicking off now but the mum maintains everyone does this?! Im new to all this but I wouldnt even consider doing that.

Who does she think she is, American Airlines?

So she can give it out but she can’t take it.

Very very odd. if she's allowed 20 people and 3 have said they can't come, inviting 3 different kids is one thing. over inviting and then telling people they can't come is unhinged

That’s a really thoughtless thing to do. She could have at least just put a general message saying overbooked it and just checking if everyone was still coming and see if anyone was unlikely to be able to make it.

Completely unacceptable behaviour.

The audacity of her with that message 😳

She’s quite clearly a dick.

That is so mean !!
I feel sorry for the kids .
Come on OP - would you have gone ?
I don't think I could have but not sure I could call it out . I would have been in the sick kid excuse camp I think (coward) but would feel bad for the birthday girl .
Monday will be interesting 🍿

Good thing there will be some movement in schools for these kids in September. Fingers crossed this mum will take on board some lessons when it comes to party etiquette and won’t ruin her daughter’s chance to form friendships and be invited to parties in Reception.

Also 25% drop out rate would be a lot in my experience

Yeah its good for the OP but not great for the little girl because ime people like this never bother with self reflection, they tend to double down on their behaviour. She will be "that" mother, and her own dd will find that she gets far fewer invitations as a result.

I was thinking about this earlier if I would have gone.

I think i might have also said DS was unwell. I would have wanted to go for the birthday girl but part of me would be A thinking it will just be so awkward and feel tense and B wanting to show some solidarity to the 2 excluded.

I hope she learns from this but I agree with other posts here im not sure she will. Her lack of any kind of apology doesnt fill me with hope.

And im VERY glad as a newbie to kids parties that this isnt in fact the norm!!! She was so brazen with the as is the norm I was thinking of my fuck !

Good lord! I’m a mother to two teens, and a primary teacher and have NEVER heard of this happening. Extraordinary.
Poor little girl.

I'm so invested in this thread

I see your point but at the heart of it is a little girl who has nobody turning up to her party. Couldn’t give a shit about her mother’s feelings or if she’s lost money, she deserves that. But to boycott a child’s party because of the mothers behaviour makes the other mums pretty mean imo.

I do of course feel for those who were on the cull list and I think it’s terrible for the mum to do this. Probably no coming back from it tbh. But had I been invited and agreed to go, I wouldn’t have boycotted based on this, purely for the sake of the little girl. I threw a party for my dd this year and the thought of her face if nobody had turned up would be heartbreaking.

If it helps..... I am a mother of 6 with 21 years between the eldest and the youngest so I can say with some confidence I know whereof I speak when it comes to kids parties. I have never in 30 years of parties experienced this! So if it comes up, feel free to use my experience to back up the point that this is not usual at all! Like I said before, I wonder if she is basing this on wedding planning/adult parties, which are a totally different kettle of fish (although I would say still bad form with adult parties). Adults understand if there has been an over booking even if they are pissed off, kids do not and its a foolish person who brazenly upsets another mothers child! I also cant help thinking that if someone else had done this and her kid had been cut, she most definitely would NOT just shrug her shoulders and say "Oh well, these things happen". She would be the one kicking off big style!

At least 5 turned up.

Not the amount expected - but it wasn't by any stretch "nobody"

This - you invite other people when you have received cancellations. Does she think she is arranging a flight so that we overbook and ask who like to be left behind
She deserves that every one either cancell last minute or doesn't turn up but it would be a shame for the party child.
The dc doesn't deserve such an awful mother.

I feel sorry for the child this will follow her for years it will be remembered every time she has a party.

This is so far from normal! Poor DC though (the two uninvited and the birthday girl).

The thing is I reckon she could have held her nerve with the two and not uninvited- at that age, you usually do get a couple of dropouts on the day due to sickness etc. Every kid's party I've held has had a couple of dropouts on the day. Or the venue might not have been as vigilant as she was expecting.

Such a mess though, these things aren't exactly hard to organise. You invite to capacity (no more), a few won't be able to make it straightaway (like OP). You can replace those with a second wave from an unrelated activity (e.g. friends from swimming or something) if you want. But no more than capacity- and I'd expect a couple of dropouts anyway.

I feel for the excluded kids and the little girl who's birthday it is. Mum shouldn't have behaved that way, sounds terrible, but I also think those who didn't show up also ended up at fault here, and it looks like they didn't even say they weren't going if mum messaged and asked if anyone else was coming. Sad all round for the kids

At least some did.

But still sounds like a large amount of parents decided to boycott. Essentially taking out their gripes with the mother on the child. Really shit behaviour all round.

you were thinking of what, now?!

Oh my fuck?! 🤣

Fortunately, she might not remember her 4th party for too many years. I don't think my DS remembers his and he's only 7.

The mum will remember it though.

I'm torn between feeling bad for the little girl and hope the mum understood that was she did wasn't nice. Agree with pp that nobody won in this situation.