16 Year old daughter doesn’t want to work 😢😕

[HeatherBlack1990]

PLEASE lovely girls ! I need your input 🙏🤝🫂
16 year old daughter has just been offered A CHANCE to come & help out in a busy office to give her something to do in the long Summer months
I know the employers & they are lovely 👍💕
Daughter can’t really be bothered 😕 AND expects ME to book & pay for dance schools and basically fund EVERYTHING all Summer long & BEYOND
It’s not so much the money - it’s that she has very little motivation 😢😞
I had my first job at 11 & worked part-time all through A Levels
Jess shows NO such motivation
ANY / ALL comments gratefully received 🙏🤝💕
Even the negative ones !!!

My son had a job for three months (temporary contract) at 16 and was glad when it ended. Now 18, he shows no interest in working whatsoever!
He's doing A Levels at the moment and I don't mind that he doesn't want a job yet. He plans to go to uni as long as he gets in. He doesn't spend a lot of money as he likes clothes that last for a long time and has everything else he needs. I sometimes give him some money to go to the pub with friends. Whilst I am happy to have a non-working student, I do expect my children to plan for life and either be studying or working after 18.

Agree. My dd has worked since the day she was 16, alongside her Alevel studies, self financing for all clothes, going out, etc, while also saving for travel in a gap year. I would really encourage the motivation to work, it builds far more life skills for travel and self sufficiency at uni than just going to school.

I started babysitting when I was 11.
My 14 year old son works and earns about £60/week.
Its a great stepping stone for the future :)

I haven’t read the other replies fully but I understand your concern re work ethic. Both of mine had jobs soon after 16 and I genuinely think it’s built their social skills and understanding of work place etiquette and dealing with people to a huge degree. So many teens aren’t getting this valuable experience now. It’s more than money. Mine weren’t the strongest academically so I felt these skills early on were even more important!

With my DD, she was a bit similar tbh to yours. I agreed to essentially give her the summer post GCSEs because I do think it can be a really special carefree summer. I said after that, it was job hunting seriously and I wouldn’t be funding her skincare/make up/cinema trips with friends etc.

I did then help her do a cv and approach local companies. We managed to get her a part time job with a sml local company that she was really interested in and now wants to go to work and adores it! She works both weekend days and chooses to do extra in school holidays and has actually just got a second job that’s more occasional. Her employers now rave about how fab she is and she’s grown in confidence.

I wonder if maybe part of the problem is what this job is? I think most teens of that age tend to prefer something where they aren’t clock watching so waitressing, shop work etc where they are interacting and more active rather than sat behind a desk?

Clearly you stop funding everything. Kids are too soft now. I have worked since i was 14. She needs a dose of reality and to learn some real life skills.

I had a part time job as a cleaner at a different school when I was 16, maybe 15. By the time I entered sixth form I had 3 part time jobs- cleaning, retail and regular childminder. It is definetly character building! I was never given any money from my parents, not for driving lessons etc. I had to work for it. And I have a hell of a work ethic from it.

So how has she been raised? Does she do things around the house? Does she have a budget? Or does she just get everything she wants and does nothing in return? You can't spoil her, then complain that she is spoilt.

There is going to be a shortage of jobs plus she will be expected to change careers - plus there is AI - of course she should work part time on the hols
she will have her own money
she will learn what the job entails - will she want an office job for a career? How can she know if she’s just lolled around at home
she will get experience of working with others of different ages
she then has ‘experience’ to add to her cv / uni application

i had an excruciatingly boring job one holiday -that was a great incentive to work towards a career you hope to enjoy

My daughter and most of her friends had summer jobs/Saturday at 16. My daughter continued working at hers when home from Uni.

When she was interviewed for Uni places the work was very useful and all asked about it, it was only in a coffee shop but showed front facing, customer service, resilience etc.

No! Daughter is part of the household and was therefore expected to help with chores, not be paid for it !

A part time job at 16 is acceptable in my eyes. She’s got a job handed to her on a plate which some young people would be so grateful for. I’d be telling her that she had to give it a go as it’ll build confidence and fund the summer stuff she’ll want to do.

Looks like she’s staying at home all summer then and not attending dance or going out with friends she doesn’t realise how lucky she is to have been offered the opportunity.

Don't pay then. We have to pay for our children pf course but you don't have to pay whatever they ask for.

How about suggesting that if she takes the job you will fund her dance so she can keep the money. I can see the disincentive to take a job in order to fund the dance which you would otherwise have paid for anyway 😂

Tell her she's been offered a job and you aren't paying for her hobbies if she has no inclination for work or work experience

It's really not that hard to say no to a brat

Let kids be kids it's such a short wi dow to actually get to live your life with any freedom

Sanitary towels? That's awful! Hobbies yes, but basic human needs, I think parents should still be funding that! I'm sorry for you

Lovely girls?? Odd way to address us.
And why so many emojis?

Yes she should start earning her own money. Obs she doesn’t want to work every day and enjoy summer holidays so a medium should be found

and you said it was part time

I like you was working at 11. I had a paper round that earnt me £1 a day so £7 a week for an hour work roughly 6-7am or 7-8am - this was 1984

at 15 I stopped the paper round and I worked at my local coop think 2 evenings 5-8 as that’s what was allowed legally and then 3 evenings at 16 plus a sat 8-5

i think I did some extra days /hours in the holidays but that was my choice

and I worked through gcse and the 2yrs at college and did 3/4 evenings and sat. It was shut Sunday those days

stop paying for everything - esp the costly dance stuff

all I read on my local Facebook groups is mums saying their 15/16 want to work and earns some money but can’t find jobs

yet your dd had one lined up for her and doesn’t want it

I would make her do it

My mum told me I had to apply for a job. So I did. It was non negotiable and I wanted my own money at that age.

To be honest, working in an office all summer sounds boring AF! And if you like the people with the job, I wouldn't try and threaten/bribe your daughter into doing it. You run the risk that she'll be all sulky and miserable or just generally crap and that might end up souring your relationship with them.
I'd also be happy to pay for dance summer school. Maybe suggest they need to find themselves a job to fund other activities.

Your reply is so helpful
Thank you

Easy, stop paying for stuff. There is no motivation for her to work if you pay for everything!

@HeatherBlack1990 you haven't answered the questions about whether dance is an important part of her life and a potential future career.
If dance is something she has done for years and she could make a living doing dance (in some form or another) as an adult then personally I would prioritise dance camp over the job offer.

I wasn't allowed to get a part-time job at that age. My mum's priority for me was my education. I had a whole life to work, but it's hard to re-do your education. I got 10 As/As at GCSE and A/A/very annoying C at A Level. My grades were high enough to get a partial university scholarship, all with an undiagnosed learning difficulty. I'm not sure I would have done as well as I did while working. I'm a teacher now and I think exams have become a lot more intense. Modular exams have gone and it's all exams at the end (with a handful of coursework subjects). In the summer between courses, yes they don't have anything to study for, but they've just been through a really intense period and I wouldn't blame any 16 year old from wanting a breather for those couple of months. Also...she's still a child and you are expected to cover her expenses. It's also worth adding if she goes to university, the system expects you to top up her maintenance loan to what the full maintenance loan would be (assuming she doesn't get it). Even through she is an adult at that point...you are still expected to financially support her.