16 Year old daughter doesn’t want to work 😢😕

[HeatherBlack1990]

PLEASE lovely girls ! I need your input 🙏🤝🫂
16 year old daughter has just been offered A CHANCE to come & help out in a busy office to give her something to do in the long Summer months
I know the employers & they are lovely 👍💕
Daughter can’t really be bothered 😕 AND expects ME to book & pay for dance schools and basically fund EVERYTHING all Summer long & BEYOND
It’s not so much the money - it’s that she has very little motivation 😢😞
I had my first job at 11 & worked part-time all through A Levels
Jess shows NO such motivation
ANY / ALL comments gratefully received 🙏🤝💕
Even the negative ones !!!

She only does dance as a hobby
I’m already paying for 1 week of dance & drama camp & I cannot afford to pay for more camps !!
I want her to take this opportunity part-time - maybe 3 mornings per week

YES EXACTLY THIS !!!
I want her to earn some pocket money AND more importantly for her CV !!

Where I work, we have a few graduates and apprentices, and it’s obvious to see which ones have worked elsewhere before.

They know how to conduct themselves in an office environment, for a start.
We had one young man who would sprawl out in his chair; sitting half way down it. Like a kid would do, when he’s bored in a maths lesson.
He’d open his legs really wide, and basically stare at the woman beside him. Which was me, a couple of times.

I don’t like to grass people up, but i spoke to my manager about it, who then spoke to the graduate’s manager.

I haven’t seen him since - so Lord knows what his manager said!

Funnily enough i don’t recall him ever doing that to the men, in the office…

Dance is just her hobby
I am already paying for 1 week full time dance camp
I cannot afford to pay for more
All her clothing & make up & meeting friends I pay for currently

Could you maybe help her find a job in something to do with dance (helping out at a similar camp?).
She might enjoy that more.
When I turned 16 my pocket money that I was given was the child benefit (or family allowance as it was then) that my mum received.
In modern terms that's just over £25 a week.
Maybe give her that and if she wants more she might change her mind about working.
Food, toiletries, essential clothes and items for school you should be paying for because she is still a schoolgirl.

You have to be in employment education or training until the age of 18. This could include an apprenticeship (They all want apprenticeships, they are rarely available,) A levels, Vocational courses. Haven't you heard the term NEET?

Believe me, if your child simply drops out aged 16, your local council will seek them out and drag them back into education. If they drop out of college at 17, the council will find them and find them a place at another college.

However, OP may live in Scotland. We need to remember their education system is different. Their summer holidays are different. I believe they return to education before the end of August but term ends earlier than England. They don't do A levels, they do Highers. I must confess, I know very little about the further education system in Scotland.

This!!
How many hours is it?

Yep I left school at 15 in June

Was 16 in July

@HarshbutTrue2
NEET = Not in Education EMPLOYMENT or Training.
16 year olds can literally start working on July 1st of their GCSE year if they want too.
If a 16 year old is in employment the government is happy.
No parents get fined for their 16 year olds not attending school/college/apprenticeship.
No 16 year old is dragged back to school 😂
The government does nothing except stop and child relevant benefits that parents might receive.

What are you expecting her to work?

Mon-Fri 9-5 and one day a week for a few hours is a big difference.

I can understand her not wanting to. At that age with it being her last summer before she has to get serious with life and work etc I can see why she just wants to be with her friends and doing things she enjoys.

No we don’t live in Scotland - we live in England !
I just wish she was more motivated !!

@HeatherBlack1990 what is her plan for September?
A-Levels? College?
Does she have any idea what she does want to "do" with her life?

"Could you maybe help her find a job in something to do with dance (helping out at a similar camp?)."

With all due respect most dance camps are not going to be employing a hobby dancer when there are hundreds of motivated young people out there wanting this type of role. It is very competitive. I used to run a performing arts school and employ these youngsters and my next door neighbours daughter is currently employed in such a role.

In order to help her get serious with life and work it will help her no end to make a start now. A bit of work experience. Part time.
If she doesn’t do it. And passes up this opportunity which doesn’t sound in the least arduous the serious with life and work may not happen. For a while. Those who have taken up opportunities, who have shown initiative and drive will get first dibs at anything going. The time to grow up is not an instant thing but a gradual process. Giving the view that life will all be miserable once you go to work is not helpful !

Believe me, if your child simply drops out aged 16, your local council will seek them out and drag them back into education. If they drop out of college at 17, the council will find them and find them a place at another college.

Absolutely not true. You may get a phone call asking you to confirm what your child's plans are for the next academic year. Both myself and my brother got phonecalls about our kids but if you simply say something like they are going to start an apprentiship then they just take your word for it. I know this as an employer too and because my nephew was kicked off his apprentiship due to having too high an absence record.

Yes - I see that now
But this is the 4th opportunity I have explored for her - the others were shops - ALL of which she made ZERO effort to go and explore
She couldn’t even be bothered to apply 😞🙄

Shop work is shit (I know... I did it for 20 years).
What is she doing in September?

No it’s not my real name
Dance is only a hobby
She could not pursue it in any meaningful way because she is not talented enough
I am already paying for 1 week dance & drama Summer camp
AND I am paying EVERYTHING for her dog too

@HeatherBlack1990 other than dance what does she actually enjoy?

@HeatherBlack1990 her dog?
An actual dog? You can't expect a 16 to fund a family pet (unless she only came home with it last week or something).

My thoughts exactly 👍
I have investigated THREE other shop jobs for her NONE of which she wants !!!
This IS THE FINAL and FOURTH effort I make to find her a job
I’M GETTING VERY FED UP !!!

I have a 16 year old and we are not hard of money at all and they are still working part time all summer (Ireland so schools been out a few weeks here already). I still pay for all their activities and memberships, their pet etc, this is to show them responsibility and to build up a cv, tax credits and basic stamina for the working world of which they will need to become part of when they finish school entirely. Also showing them how nice it is to have money in your account that you have earned rather than been given. I have no idea why people are against this, the only way to make it to the top is to start at the bottom. A sense of independence and responsibility has to start somewhere.

@HeatherBlack1990 is this more about you wanting her to earn money or her learning some independence and commitment?
Would she be more interested in some community/volunteer work?
You haven't answered what she actually enjoys doing and her September plans.

16 is very young for parents not to still be paying for at least some of her extracurricular activities.
I don’t think you can or should force her to work at this age, it has to be up to her really. But you are also perfectly entitled to put boundaries around what you will give her/spend on her as regards luxuries. Im
surprised- surely most 16 year olds are starting to feel like their allowance isn’t enough? If you are paying for stuff like grooming products, fancy snacks, trips out with friends etc then it’s time to start paring back.

Why are you making the effort without aligning with her first that she would actually use the offer?

My mum did this, decided I should do something, investigated it, put it on the table and... being very annoyed when I didn't use it. Twice it was about buying a home! In hindsight the first of those options would had been sensible, but it was the very first time we discussed the topic at all, and I just wasn't mentally there.

Don't be annoyed at her for not being a mind reader.
You can talk to her about jobs, what type of jobs are around - and ask whether she wants help with finding one.