16 Year old daughter doesn’t want to work 😢😕

[HeatherBlack1990]

PLEASE lovely girls ! I need your input 🙏🤝🫂
16 year old daughter has just been offered A CHANCE to come & help out in a busy office to give her something to do in the long Summer months
I know the employers & they are lovely 👍💕
Daughter can’t really be bothered 😕 AND expects ME to book & pay for dance schools and basically fund EVERYTHING all Summer long & BEYOND
It’s not so much the money - it’s that she has very little motivation 😢😞
I had my first job at 11 & worked part-time all through A Levels
Jess shows NO such motivation
ANY / ALL comments gratefully received 🙏🤝💕
Even the negative ones !!!

These are the years kids need to build some work experience.

What's she planning to do after A levels? Does she want to go to uni? Get a job?

Jobs for 18 year olds are like hens teeth.

The only way she's going to find one is if she does a bit of work now and employers can see her experience & she's reliable & can deal with the public.

OP I totally agree with you.

And agreed with the more supportive PPs that the best way to accomplish this is not paying for any luxuries for her, at 16 that includes meeting up with friends etc.

at 17 driving lessons

I worked since 13 and think it did good for me - DS since 12 and it's not "sad" at all. Too many people haven't set foot in a workplace at the age of 21/22 and I think it's causing them problems.

I would let her enjoy her youth. I don’t have many regrets in life but one of them is giving up my weekends for £5 an hour when I was at school and uni.

Yes - Im
sorry - I’m new on here so I am still trying to learn how this works
This together not being good with phones = disaster
🤣🤣🤣
She likes dance - but ZERO chance of any such job until at least 18 AND qualified
She wants to do 6th Form in September

She is hoping to find some sort of apprenticeship
But these too are like hen’s teeth
She’s just happy for me to pay for everything AND her wee dog too !!!
It is just I want Jess to do SOMETHING FOR HERSELF
Motivation comes from within surely ??

I did this too

Why ?? Because I had to
Either that or starve & not pay my rent

OP, are you using your daughter’s real name? I would have that removed, as it could be outing and is a privacy concern for your daughter. I know you’re new to mumsnet, so generally if speaking about kids, people would use DD for daughter, or just daughter if you prefer 😊.

Many teenagers have a summer job but this idea sounds boring as heck. Helping in an office? So photocopying and making other peoples' tea? And counting down the seconds until home time. How about work in a cafe or garden centre where she is actually doing something?

Starting off photocopying and making tea is how a lot of people started out. Boring or not, most jobs are bloody boring when you do them 40 hours a week as an adult. It is a part time job the kid is being offered shes not being sent out to fields to work 16 hour days here. No wonder so many kids are so entitled these days, no concept at all of the world outside the home. Mine is working part time, seeing his friends, going the gym/pool etc, out for pizza and ice creams. 24 hours a day over 7 days gives them ample time to 'just be kids'. I dare say a lot of the people condemning it on here do not know where their own 16 year olds are during the day if they themselves are out working. Keeps them OFF screens too which can only be a winner.

@HeatherBlack1990 do what in 6th form?
She must have a preference of what subjects she wants to study and what it could lead too.
And "some sort of apprenticeship"....in what though?

I can't honestly see how making tea for people in an office is worse than making tea for people in a cafe. The extra experience gained make temping an option as a part time job in the future - much better paid than cafes and garden centres.

So many threads on here talk about how hard it is for young people to get jobs, how you need "experience", etc. I guess Mumsnet is a privileged place, where parents can support their teens all the way through uni and maybe beyond if they then can't get a job.
But if you are in the lower bracket, or just want your teen to develop a work ethic and gain independence, I really can't see why anyone would be against their child doing this.
OP has said three mornings a week, what is not to like about that?

(I can see why OP DD doesn't want to work, work is "boring", but I am surprised how many adults on here agree that she shouldn't do it)

@KeyLimeCake we are in the fortunate position where mine can be supported through uni and beyond but that is because WE have put in the groundwork and sending them off to do the same is a valuable life lesson. You do not get handed everything in this life and working from a younger age helps enforce that.

OP, while I do agree with you that instilling a strong work ethic in our kids is important, I do think maybe your approach could use a little work.

Your daughter certainly needs to learn that life costs money and it’s not someone else’s job to pay for it - working and earning her own money will also do wonders for her self confidence, as I’m sure you know.

However, and this is not a criticism, just an observation, as I can feel that you really care about your daughter and only want the best for her, but I get the sense that you’re taking the lead on her job search and finding things for her, which I do get the sentiment behind, but it’s potentially causing her to pushback more (if it was me at at that age, I would’ve 😂).

What I’d suggest is sitting down with her and just having a calm conversation about finding some part time work to fund the additional fun things she wants, and try to explain the importance of this, as well as making it clear that while you’re still providing the essentials, if she wants to buy constant treats, she will need to contribute to this at least to help teach her the value of money and that it doesn’t just appear because she asked for it.

I would then ask her what types of part time summer jobs she would be interested in and then support her in applying if needed, but not do it for her.

I do think at 16 she should have a part time job if she wants to have money for certain things, and also for the experience and life skills, but I think there’s a balance to be had.

I’m 42 now and have worked since I was 16, and honestly I’m burned out, so I wouldn’t be forcing full time work on her or making her do something she really hates while she’s still quite young - this will backfire on you, too.

I know you said that you had no choice, so this might be clouding your judgement, but surely you want your daughter to have a better experience of being young than perhaps you did? That’s not to say she shouldn’t work or be mollycoddled, but it’s just about finding a balance for you both.

Also, surely the dog is a family pet? I wouldn’t be expecting a 16 year old to take care of vet bills, pet insurance and the general costs of having a dog.

Honestly, you need to reduce her comfort if you want to galvanise her. Don't give her loads of pocket money any more. I didn't get pocket money from age twelve. I earned it. You have to feed her dog. You agreed to let her have a pet, so it is your responsibility. But if she wants to spend money hanging out with friends or buying clothes and make up, she needs to see that it is really unfair of her to expect you to work to fund these when she is perfectly capable of doing so herself.

Or mimic her behaviour, which I found a very effective way to make DC realise how their attitude impacted on their lives and others. Why not fail to food shop one week. Let stocks run right down, and just lie on the sofa saying you don't really like your job so you aren't going in any more, but that does mean there isn't any money for food this week and you're not sure how to fund mortgage and utilities and food from now on either, but you just got so bored and couldn't take it any longer. Do it just long enough to make her think you mean it, then say: do you see how worried you felt? That's how worried I feel when you put zero effort into getting work experience and earning your own money, when you don't appreciate that you expect me to work hard at a job I find dull to fund not only the essentials but all your luxuries.

Tell her to take pride in learning employable skills, in developing a CV and earning her own income.

Now for the harsh but true stuff. The only ones who didn't want or have a part-time job were wasters. They didn't want to do any work in college either. They had no work ethic

What a lot of shite. I never had a part time job. I left college at 19 and went straight into full time work because I wanted to buy a horse. I was never a 'waster' and still have an excellent work ethic.

So just because you say something is true, doesn't make it true. It may be your opinion or experience, but it's not true for everyone 🙄

In a way if you know the employers and they are lovely, if she went and was not the least bit helpful in attitude or approach then it would be very embarrassing for you.
I would actually be very cross with her.

THAT is exactly what my friend has just been telling me 🤝👍
If she doesn’t take this opportunity then it will be embarrassing for me also !
I will have to go in and apologise AND DD won’t be getting any more cash off me

Yes - I have TRIED with 3 different cafes
She was not interested in ANY
I’m fed up & disillusioned
I have a few minor health problems & I am doing my very best too !!!

@HeatherBlack1990 does cafe, shop or office work actually have any link to what she wants to do in life (or for that mythical apprenticeship)?
What does she want to DO?
There must be jobs (or voluntary) work connected to that - which she might be more enthusiastic about.

I hate to say this but she sounds a bit as though she thinks that normal jobs are for other people and she is not going to do anything like a normal job as she views it as demeaning. And she is too important for that.
Apologies if I have that wrong.
She wants to dance ( don’t know what type), and won’t qualify until she is eighteen. What then ? Could she work in theatres or could she try to get work there ?

But why are you spending good will arranging it without her expressing interest (agreeing to try some work) first?
Your embarrassment is totally self-inflicted in this case and kneejerk reaction won't improve the situation.
Sounds you are punishing her for not wanting what you decided she should want.

Talk to her about world, money, jobs. But do it calmly and let her want it. That's parenting.

I just re-read this bit.
What dance qualification is she doing?
By working in the dance industry doesn't necessarily mean being a dancer. There's the organisational/promotional side for example.

DD has no idea yet what she wants to do

No it’s just a hobby

Our council must be a bit more on the ball.
I taught lots of 'drop outs' . A few that had dropped out of different colleges, one that had been thrown out of every secondary school nearby. We had a whole sector of Princes Trust kids. They were students who had disengaged with education. Thank God I never had to teach them.

The government track kids who are not in employment, education or training. The government used to make an effort to help these kids get on in life. There's now over a million of them. I suppose the government has stopped caring. It's easier to pay benefits than find them a job.