16 Year old daughter doesn’t want to work 😢😕

[HeatherBlack1990]

PLEASE lovely girls ! I need your input 🙏🤝🫂
16 year old daughter has just been offered A CHANCE to come & help out in a busy office to give her something to do in the long Summer months
I know the employers & they are lovely 👍💕
Daughter can’t really be bothered 😕 AND expects ME to book & pay for dance schools and basically fund EVERYTHING all Summer long & BEYOND
It’s not so much the money - it’s that she has very little motivation 😢😞
I had my first job at 11 & worked part-time all through A Levels
Jess shows NO such motivation
ANY / ALL comments gratefully received 🙏🤝💕
Even the negative ones !!!

I’m not sure !
I hope it’s not the case
Dance is only a hobby - and no she cannot do it as a career because it is SO competitive AND she is not that talented at it !!

Tell her all money is stopping unless she does the job. Its very weird a teen doesn't want to grab an opportunity like this!

Then this should be her summer of discovery.
She needs to spend time doing and experiencing different things and seeing if something sparks in her.
Maybe (together with her) search what volunteer/community opportunities there are in your area.
Dance might be just be a hobby but she could be involved with helping organise dance displays at local summer fairs or carnivals.
What else does she enjoy?

She doesn’t want to do anything
Whatever I suggest - answer is no
A lot of places she cannot work until 18 eg our local doggy rescue
16 options are very limited AND she doesn’t want to do any of them
Dance help IS OUT - unless 18 & DRB & qualified / experienced teacher 🤦‍♀️😞

@HarshbutTrue2 16 or 17 school "dropouts" can't get benefits?
(unless in extreme circumstances like being homeless or having a child)

does cafe, shop or office work actually have any link to what she wants to do in life

The part time job you do when you're sixteen doesn't have to have anything to do with what you want to do in life. The purpose is to earn some money, gain some work/life experience and take some steps towards being an adult.

I've done temp work in the past and I find temp jobs are often what you make them. If you sit around looking bored, you probably will be stuck with the boring jobs. If you show interest and enthusiasm and prove yourself capable, you'll be given more interesting stuff to do.

I understand you mean it well.
But your DD is in diferent situation - thanks to the work you've done in your life she doesn't have to work for money since being 11. That's a good thing!

You can talk about part time job as a way to be more adult, get her own money, get experience which will help her understand what she want to do later (work with admin, work with people, ...).

It sounds she just doesn't think about jobs like at at all. Is she a bit young for her age? Not well oriented with money in general?

MN will tell you to be directive and stop her money, but MN loves to see the world burning, going nuclear and breaking relationships.

If your DD is a good child in general, start from that. Help her to become a good young adult.

@HeatherBlack1990 there are volunteer things she can do at 16.
Libraries often get 16 year olds to help with the Summer Reading Scheme.
(This makes me sad the government stopped the barely promoted National Citizens Scheme)

The thing for me would be her lack of motivation to do a work experience handed to her on a plate. With nice people.
A very sad situation. She comes across as either very young for her years and has a slightly sheltered life or as a bit of a madam. Which she probably isn’t. But that is how she seems.

You need to try and find out why. Then say to her that’s fine that she doesn’t want to work, but it means we have to cut back on some of the dance classes. Ask her which she will choose to cut.
At a simple level I started this with my daughter when she was 4 and came shopping with me. She asked for something to buy and go in the trolley. If reasonable I said yes. Later on if she saw something else I’d say that’s ok but you need to choose and put one back. It was a big life lesson in an everyday way.

I’m amazed the amount of people saying she’s too young. 16 is not too young to work. She absolutely should have some kind of job but I would question whether full time all summer would be right. I think two or three weeks would be perfect.

Just fyi. When we are filling the places on our grad scheme at work we look very unfavorably on people that didn’t have some kind of part time job. Be that waitressing, shop work etc. any work is good work.

This is not true my dd dropped out of college at 16 and increased her part time job hours to full time absolutely nobody came knocking.

Did she do work experience in year 10? Will she be doing work experience in year 12? If so, what?

The Vocational kids I taught had to do work experience as part of their course. Most of them loved it: hairdressers, car mechanics, animal care, childcare. The childcare course involved a weekly placement. Unpaid. Their performance in placement counted towards their qualification. It was a very strict department.

i think so too. One part of me is “let her be a child and enjoy her last summer care free” the other part of me is “how dare she expect to sit on her arse and have the summer of her life funded by me”

hopefully there’s a medium where she does a couple of afternoons a week?

hopefully there’s a medium where she does a couple of afternoons a week?

OP has said this will be part time.

Though I think something like a couple of afternoons a week isn't really enough. It doesn't allow enough time to see everything that goes on in the office, or to be given anything other than very quick and simple jobs to do.

Are you kidding? I started as soon as I was old enough. Everyone did paper rounds in their teens. As soon as we left school, my friend and I visited practically every shop in town to ask for work! We got Saturday jobs at Bodycare. We wanted to earn some money. Why on earth you think a school leaver is a bit too young to work, I don’t know.

Is it full time for the summer or just a few hours or a few weeks of the summer?

I spent the summer after my GCSEs lounging around, getting up in the afternoon, watching Wimbledon, sunbathing and generally not doing very much at all. I got a job washing up at the pub two nights a week starting in the September.

Oh I did work that summer but for two weeks at my mum's work. Nice to earn some money. Rest of the time I was lounging around.

She was registered as fully employed then? Paying tax and national insurance? This was within the last 3 years?

Most employers won't accept employees under 18 due to employment laws and insurance companies won't cover them for employees liability insurance. The employer has to pay increased premiums for younger workers, they are a bigger risk. All of these restrictions have been introduced by the government, who are now wondering why there a million unemployed young people.

Op has stated that her daughter can't help out in local kennels and other places until she is 18. I think it's a shame, she would probably love it. But here we are.

Or maybe she's just a kid that has worked hard for GCSE's & wants a summer break before she starts her A Levels??

I do think that, say, 3 half days or something would be a good compromise but she obviously doesn't realise what a great opportunity she's being offered (well beyond the ££) but that's down to how you've raised them really.

@HeatherBlack1990 she's 16, she can't have just gone out and got a dog off her own back without your agreement surely? What's fine on there that you object to paying the costs of dog ownership?

you chose to have a child, of course you're expected to pay for things for them. All you CAPITAL LETTER ranting feels very rage & like you don't even like your DD very much.

yes, she's turning down what could be a good opportunity & yes it's frustrating & a bit embarrassing to explain to your friend but you've brought her up, why hasn't she been brought up to see this as an opportunity?

also would she be allowed to keep the wages fir herself or would you expect her then to pay for her dance classes & other things you're currently (as a parent) paying for?

Yeah this would annoy me as well, from 16yo I encouraged my dd to get a Saturday job. I think it teaches them important people skills as well as understanding the importance of earning your own money.

Im a single parent and dd has grown up understanding the value of money, I only gave her a very small allowance.

Personally id start reducing how much money you’re giving her.

MN is a funny place though and the general consensus on here is that under 18s should be fully funded by the bank of mum and dad and doing nothing all wend is fine 🙄

I’m just frustrated that’s all !!
Yes I went out and bought her a beautiful dog and I am more than happy to pay for Freddy and I do
It’s just I was highly motivated at 11 and DD is not motivated to work PT at 16

@HarshbutTrue2 why do you seem to think that 16/17 year olds can't have full time legal jobs?
There ARE restrictions - ie no overnight working, certain amount of hours off between shifts etc.
But they can be employed and work full time.

And YES - I told DD she could keep ALL wages for herself !!! AND that I would still pay for dance every week
What more can I do ???
I am just feeling so demoralised 😞

@HeatherBlack1990 other than dance does she actually want money for other stuff.
As her parent you still need to provide food, clothes, toiletries and equipment for school (while she is still in education - which you say she will be until 18).
Some people don't want things.
If there is nothing she desires that much then there won't be an incentive.
What does she ask you for that you have to pay for?