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Parenting

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I dont want my eldest anymore and I need help

370 replies

breakingpoint3222 · 04/06/2026 09:26

I have 2 children. The youngest is 4. My eldest is 6. My youngest is a boy. My eldest is a girl.

Im not going to drip feed. Im going to give as much information as possible.

My eldest I believe is on the spectrum. We have been to the gp. We are on a waiting list. We are on waiting lists for things that school offers. School have flagged she is about 9 months behind and she is going to struggle in year 3. She's currently in year 2 and goes 7 at the end of this month.
She is violent at home. She has beaten me many times. She throws things at me, hits me, bites me, pulls my hair. She does the same to her little brother who is absolutely petrified of her.
She has to be in charge. Its very much her way or no way.
She has no respect for any adult. She rolls her eyes, speaks to me like im stupid, screams at me and her brother.
She doesnt sleep. That is usually when the violence starts. She isnt sleeping until 1 or 2 am. Shes exhausted.
As she's screaming and hitting me my youngest is also not sleeping properly and as he's just started reception this is hard
I cant give him any one to one attention when she's here. She hates my attention being on anything but her. She will pull my hair and scream. She will hurt him

School is a massive issue. She hates school. School have flagged no issues except her learning is behind. She refuses to go. Screaming and crying. We are usually late which again impacts on my youngest.

I have no support. My ex husband left when the youngest was born and apart from maintenance is not involved. I have no family.
I dont want to do this anymore.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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5
Vinvertebrate · 04/06/2026 13:56

Monty36 · 04/06/2026 13:22

I mentioned before in response to another post that I did believe violent autistic children were actually aware they were being so. Just that they were not in control. As someone seemed to be saying they were not even aware they were being violent. I thought they were.

Please go and educate yourself about autism and please stop posting such ableist nonsense on a thread where the OP is already at her wits end.

Your failure to appreciate that this is not the time or the place for variations on “autistic kids just need a good hiding” is interesting, to say the least, to those of us with lived experience of social and communication disorders. Literally every other thread on MN will have other ignorant people agreeing with your unhelpful remarks.

IfYouNeedMeAskYourFather · 04/06/2026 13:56

breakingpoint3222 · 04/06/2026 13:45

Thank you for everyone's replies. Ive read each and every one. And I will take the offer to message some people.
The father of both the children is not involved. He sends maintenance monthly on the 1st. I have no way of getting in touch with him. He has made it very clear his only involvement is a financial one.

Im going to call the gp tomorrow.
I wont be hitting her. I do defend myself. And I have hurt her in doing so. Last night for example I pushed her off me as she was punching me and she did fall back and hurt herself. Sometimes this shocks her out of it and she cries and we move on, other times it adds fuel to the fire. I refuse to be a sitting target
School haven't responded.
I really just want to drive away. This is not the parenting I wanted.
Someone asked if my daugter knows how I feel. We've had chats about feelings and how we cant hurt people. But I am more on edge around her and I cant hide that. I will more freely give my son hugs and kisses because when I hug her she might pull my hair. Or bite me.

Or scream in my ear
She is a very touchy child. Very affectionate when she wants to be but she might also turn around and bite.
Im just so tired. I want a full night's sleep.

Im so sorry but really pleased to see a reply from you ❤️, i think i can safely say none us are the parent we thought we would be! We all had grand plans pre-kids but then we just do our best, and I know it might not seem that way, but your parenting is best for your children and you clearly seem to care and love them. Based on PPs, melatonin seems to be the way to go as a starter, hopefully that will ease things and get everyone a a bit more sleep. Emphasise the melatonin to your GP, as for the school, can you call them rather than email? My kids school are better on phone than email.

breakingpoint3222 · 04/06/2026 13:58

Im employed. I work 3 days a week from home. I just need everything to stop. I dont want to go pick her up. I really dont

OP posts:

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Cheesecakeismeesecake · 04/06/2026 14:03

Op what's the Senco like at your school?

Try and call sendiass right now they are open til 3.30 and have sometimes given me helpful info and sometimes just a human voice when I have been at pick up at breaking point

IfYouNeedMeAskYourFather · 04/06/2026 14:05

breakingpoint3222 · 04/06/2026 13:58

Im employed. I work 3 days a week from home. I just need everything to stop. I dont want to go pick her up. I really dont

How about showing your daughter how defeated you are and pleading with her ? Would she understand if you plead with her and cry and show her how exhausted you are? Or is she very neurodivergent?

breakingpoint3222 · 04/06/2026 14:06

She laughs if i cry. She laughs when she hurts me. She laughs while doing it. If I spoke to her and told her how I felt her response would be ok mummy sorry mummy and then do it again

OP posts:
Cheesecakeismeesecake · 04/06/2026 14:06

IfYouNeedMeAskYourFather · 04/06/2026 14:05

How about showing your daughter how defeated you are and pleading with her ? Would she understand if you plead with her and cry and show her how exhausted you are? Or is she very neurodivergent?

That might trigger a PDA

Heightened emotional input from a carer/parent can trigger the flight/fight of a PDA meltdown

IfYouNeedMeAskYourFather · 04/06/2026 14:07

breakingpoint3222 · 04/06/2026 13:45

Thank you for everyone's replies. Ive read each and every one. And I will take the offer to message some people.
The father of both the children is not involved. He sends maintenance monthly on the 1st. I have no way of getting in touch with him. He has made it very clear his only involvement is a financial one.

Im going to call the gp tomorrow.
I wont be hitting her. I do defend myself. And I have hurt her in doing so. Last night for example I pushed her off me as she was punching me and she did fall back and hurt herself. Sometimes this shocks her out of it and she cries and we move on, other times it adds fuel to the fire. I refuse to be a sitting target
School haven't responded.
I really just want to drive away. This is not the parenting I wanted.
Someone asked if my daugter knows how I feel. We've had chats about feelings and how we cant hurt people. But I am more on edge around her and I cant hide that. I will more freely give my son hugs and kisses because when I hug her she might pull my hair. Or bite me.

Or scream in my ear
She is a very touchy child. Very affectionate when she wants to be but she might also turn around and bite.
Im just so tired. I want a full night's sleep.

Call the GP today - now - you might not get an appointment until tomorrow anyways and maybe you might get one today which would be amazing! Never hurts to ask.

VioletGoesVintage · 04/06/2026 14:17

One thing Social Services can do which I don’t think has been mentioned here already is to push your local NHS health authority to expedite assessments for autism and / or ADHD. That will probably be the extent of their involvement but it can really help.

Vinvertebrate · 04/06/2026 14:18

breakingpoint3222 · 04/06/2026 14:06

She laughs if i cry. She laughs when she hurts me. She laughs while doing it. If I spoke to her and told her how I felt her response would be ok mummy sorry mummy and then do it again

Op, my DS is like this. It’s heartbreaking. When I’m exhausted, I honestly sometimes wonder if he’s just evil, then I give myself a shake.

Does your DD have a special interest at all? The only way I can control DS’ violence (a bit) is by withholding things related to his special interests, or rationing them based on compliance. Thankfully he’s an only, but I have a mum friend in the same position as you.

RoseField1 · 04/06/2026 14:22

VioletGoesVintage · 04/06/2026 14:17

One thing Social Services can do which I don’t think has been mentioned here already is to push your local NHS health authority to expedite assessments for autism and / or ADHD. That will probably be the extent of their involvement but it can really help.

This must be a postcode lottery because where we are CAMHS pay us absolutely zero attention if we ask for assessments to be expedited.

Monty36 · 04/06/2026 14:23

Snacktastic · 04/06/2026 13:43

With Torretz, they are aware they are saying something often awful and are usually deeply embarrassed during and after. And very apologetic. They know they’re saying something but no control over what they say.
I imagine it’s something similar.

An interesting idea. But you would expect her to be apologetic I guess after a violent outburst.

AnonSugar · 04/06/2026 14:24

changenameagain555 · 04/06/2026 12:04

Getting melatonin on the nhs is like getting blood out of a stone. Buy it online. Biovea

Tell me about it. Finally got an appointment at the sleep clinic after GP then Paediatrician and the only thing they could offer was “five magic kisses” and “the vanishing chair”. In other words, fuck all.

I bought melatonin online but rarely give it. It feels wrong that it’s not prescribed.

Monty36 · 04/06/2026 14:59

Cheesecakeismeesecake · 04/06/2026 13:43

This is a derail and not assisting the op. There's not much to be gained from conversing further.

It was not my intention to do so. And I could not agree more.

Dliplop · 04/06/2026 15:37

Okay, we are better most days now, but had this earlier.

You need her regulated like peeling layers off an onion. Some help like melatonin from the GP to get her sleep, and other referrals like mental health and OT or physio- she may have sensory or other needs (proprioception, core instability) making life harder.

Ask the school or another special needs parent if you can borrow ear defenders, weighted blanket, compression or weighted vest, compression shirt etc to see how she responds before buying- and consider buying anyway and kids loops or alpine earbuds.

No on purpose crowds or noisy places, grocery delivery and Amazon! Do any cooking while kids are at school. It fucking sucks. Listen to your music and watch your shows and have a walk while you work/during school.

Get her a tablet. A tablet is better than constant elevated cortisol. She might break it but try a cheap one. Baths are also great for calming down and she might need one after school to chill out. Sometimes my son needed multiple a day. You can also try swimming as a family instead of noisy lessons.

Treat her 2-3 years younger than she is - and she might want to be your baby and be fighting for that attention.

Read the explosive child (when the fuck are you supposed to read) and in a calm time ie TV tell her you want to work together on making her life better, and you can chat about it later. Don’t expect a response.

For bed without melatonin have her in pjs and clean teeth if possible and then let her watch a show or something like marconi union calming music/we did chalkboard music of our son’s interests. During this have a nice cozy bedtime with your son, and then do cuddles with daughter. She probably needs mama time and can’t.

Yes screentime is going to be too much, but you can reduce it once things are going well. We also try to direct to things that are longer form and still engaging like wild kratts and land before time. Our public broadcaster has great stuff. If she’s behind on reading, alphablocks catches attention and helps literacy

If mealtimes are hard, I just left son’s food out and he could eat as his own choice, not mine (low demand technique). You could also let her eat by the TV while you and son eat at the table. Let her know you would love her to join you but want her to decide which is calmer.

For activities like painting or crafts just start doing it and she might join. Puzzles just buy cheap off shein or temu or pound shop and accept they might get ruined. She is probably also ready for LEGO. Just start doing some and she may join in. She is probably bored as well as lonely, angry and overstimulated. I’ve heard games like minecraft or tula?land are good but we haven’t done them. If you know what her passion is, indulge it.

When she’s feeling okayish ask her to sort through her clothes and get rid of anything not uniform that she dislikes. For uniform I guess you need to talk to the school.

My son’s school refusal is worse when seasons change/different jackets etc. We finally have shoes he’ll put up with.

As an example, at the beginning of this school year we were doing what I thought was amazing compared to before, but still hard.

we/I’d dress my son downstairs while baby brother sometimes dressed himself. He’d hit me the whole walk to school (if your youngest isn’t at school, see if a neighbour can watch him while you go). Sometimes he’d lie down flat. Sometimes I cried. Sometimes I dragged, sometimes I took a deep breath and managed.

Any chores or cooking happened while he was at school. After school I met him with a cookie and he hit less but took forever getting home. At home I kept my body between him and baby brother and then would read a book and he’d gradually climb on my lap. In Wednesday and Friday I’d do TV instead. After an hour or two he’d take off his jacket and use the toilet and eat. God help me if I’d needed the toilet before then. By that point he’d want to ramble about his interests and do some crafts.

Now 4/5 days the walks are better, we started him dressing himself in January and he does it 2 or 3 days a week. If I haven’t cooked I can now out frozen beige stuff or leftovers to warm up. We still do OT or PT once a week and he has an IEP at school and good teachers. They went to a soft play area as a field trip and he spent most of it under a slide but happy. My goal is to replace OT and PT with martial arts.

oh god I want to cry writing it because I might never have a career again and I usually focus on how good it is and not how our life centres around all of this. But it does get better.

oh! And tie every complaint to healthcare or school around education or activities of daily living. Not around behaviour.

Sarah cannot eat her meals because she cannot cope with the fact her brother eats differently and she expresses that through anger. I am worried about her ability to nourish herself

vs
She goes mental and attacks her brother because he holds his fork in the wrong hand and beats me to shit when I protect him.

for your appointments
I am burnt out and can’t take adequate care of the kids because I am always stressed

HJBeans · 04/06/2026 15:38

Monty36 · 04/06/2026 13:05

So how would you describe it ? Are they in some sort of trance. They are conscious. So must be aware.

My son, who is suspected autistic but thankfully not violent, describes it as not being in control and not remembering. And that’s terrifying to him. If you’re genuinely interested in understanding and not just shit-stirring look at the ‘hand model of the brain’ which helped me to understand. When my son is overwhelmed the bit of the brain with activates fight or flight is firing but all executive function bits (which do thinking ahead, impulse control, etc.) are not. That’s what causes this and it’s down to his brain function not anything to do with his conscious will (or our parenting).

It’s not the same, obviously, but try the analogy of dementia. Severely unwell dementia patients are often conscious without being aware of (or responsible for) their actions.

Monty36 · 04/06/2026 15:40

HJBeans · 04/06/2026 15:38

My son, who is suspected autistic but thankfully not violent, describes it as not being in control and not remembering. And that’s terrifying to him. If you’re genuinely interested in understanding and not just shit-stirring look at the ‘hand model of the brain’ which helped me to understand. When my son is overwhelmed the bit of the brain with activates fight or flight is firing but all executive function bits (which do thinking ahead, impulse control, etc.) are not. That’s what causes this and it’s down to his brain function not anything to do with his conscious will (or our parenting).

It’s not the same, obviously, but try the analogy of dementia. Severely unwell dementia patients are often conscious without being aware of (or responsible for) their actions.

Thankyou. A helpful and not insulting reply to a genuine question.

HJBeans · 04/06/2026 15:43

Sending care, OP. Our DC is not violent and showed no signs we recognised as autism until starting secondary school, but my husband and I still feel at breaking point managing behaviour and providing support and shielding their sibling what feels like 24/7. Doing this alone with a violent child, a very young sibling, and much more severe behavioural needs sounds unthinkably hard. You have been a hero to get this far. I really hope you can access some in person support soon. As others have said, reporting to SS for the physical safety of your child (and yourself) seems a good idea.

breakingpoint3222 · 04/06/2026 15:50

Been home all of 10 minutes and shes just... awful. That's the only word I've got. My youngest just went here we go again and asked if he could sit in the car with his book. So I've left him there. Shes trashing the house and screaming abuse and throwing things at me.
School were useless. Can't speak to me or do anything without an appointment. Asked to make one with the senco and got told to try tomorrow

OP posts:
MrPickles73 · 04/06/2026 15:59

Email school saying you need the appt tomorrow. It's urgent

Phone ss and say you need an urgent appt

Mumoftwoadults · 04/06/2026 15:59

Phone your GP now and say you need an urgent home visit. Then, after making sure your daughter is safe, join your son, but maybe in the garden rather than the car.

breakingpoint3222 · 04/06/2026 16:01

She spat at me..to hell with this im done.

OP posts:
Mcdhotchoc · 04/06/2026 16:02

I would ask them how much it was and tell them i would put that money into kids account.

gamerchick · 04/06/2026 16:02

She's holding it all in at school and exploding at home. People might frown on this but I'd try and video her meltdowns.

IfYouNeedMeAskYourFather · 04/06/2026 16:07

breakingpoint3222 · 04/06/2026 16:01

She spat at me..to hell with this im done.

Seriously, she’s 7, you’re not. It’s hard but if that’s your attitude you’re no better than your ex husband. People have given tones of great advice, only you can make this better and get the help you want.