Old Mum in the playground - I'm being silly, I know

[SugarSW7]

This is really silly. I've been friendly to a new mum at the school playground. Both our kids are in reception. We get on, but I'm an old mum. She told me, this week, that I'm the most friendly of the mums. I get the impression she wants to be friends.
She said to me that when she first saw me, she didn't think I would speak to her as I seemed posh. She asked my age, I said 40. She was floored. Shocked. She did go on to day how "I look amazing for my age". I know it was meant as a compliment, but it just made me feel ancient. She's late 20s. I never wanted to be an old mum, but i didn't meet my husband til i was 29. We got married even i was 30, we had lots of miscarriages then we had 3 kids within 3 and a half years. The oldest is 7.
Its really got to me, as i was always scared of this happening - being the old mum in the playground. I'm so embarrassed.

In a nice way, it’s bizarre you think you’re an old mum.

So you had your child when you were 35? How is that old? Come and live in London, you’ll be a youngster!
Do you live in a small town? Or outside of the UK?

I meant dd1, dd2 was quite young when she had gds at 28 and 32 when she had gdd. Most of her friends from university (she's 33) are only just having/had their first dc.

If its and consellation, my OH used to take our youngest to a play group (he's 7 now so probably 3 years ago) on one of his days off the week when I was at work.
I took him instead one week as I was off work, and one of the leaders asked "where Granddad was today?" 😅
Her face when I laughed (gently) and said he was Dad, not Granddad!!
She apologised then stumbled over her words a bit more saying she wasnt implying I was Gradma!

Bless the wee summer child. She was accidentally rude. She meant it as a compliment, she'll realise it was a backhanded compliment when she's older.

my family are up North, & are all gymslip mums really, around here most mums of reception kids are 'later 30's for first children & 40's for subsequent children.

my mum was 26 when I was born & my friend next door (still friends!) is 2 years older than me & her mum was in her mid 40's.

just enjoy the 3 lovely children you were lucky enough to have in the end. (🌷sorry for your losses) & don't let these daft type of comments get to you!

I’m the oldest at school. I’m 54. My three are 11, 9 & 7. Since having children I haven’t made any new friends that even close to my age. My closest mum friend is in her 30’s. People are always shocked when they find out my age. It is just a number.

I like you didn’t want to be an ‘older’ mum but that’s just the way life panned out for me.

I'm nearly 46 and my daughter is nearly 10. I am miles away from being the oldest parent on the yard. Stop worrying, she sounds a little immature, but who isn't in there 20s?

The exact same thing happened to me recently, where I told a young mum in my son's reception class how old I was and she reacted with a look of shock/ awe/ agog. She didn't follow up with how good I look though, unlike yours!!

I just think that because you're in the same boat kids wise, people just presume you're around about the same age as them, they don't expect you to be 15 years older haha... I think I do dress quite young but I don't have Botox and I think I look every day of my 46 years, but maybe I don't? I'll take it as a compliment even if it wasn't meant that way haha

Anyway, try not to let it get to you and just take people for people, regardless of how old they are. Hopefully they will do the same and it won't be a 'thing'... having kids the same age gives you a lot in common, if nothing else x

Sounds like it should be the other way round. You should be shocked she had kids so young. And yes, stop being silly. 40 is a normal ages for a mum with kids in Reception. Personally, I never fancied being a teenage mum, each to their own though.

I had a child aged 17. When he was 2 i went to a baby club. I made friends with a 35 year old and told her she was so old to be having a baby. Its so embarrassing, especially as I had another child aged 30. Now that child is 35 and having his first child.
Ignore her.

I've been there, but this isn't really a problem. My problem wasn't apparent at first; or for a long time. My young friend would come round for coffee and caught the eye of my Husband ( who is now my EXH).....another thing which bothered me was after my D. I. V. O. R. C. E. and after returning to the workplace; I was the OLDEST person in the building.

It sounds like she was just surprised at your age as she thought you looked a lot younger

I had my first at 36 and my second at 39.
I never considered myself old and most of the other mums were of a similar age

I was one of the oldest mom in primary school, but perfectly average in secondary school. Different demographics.

I think you may be projecting your insecurities, I completely get it though I was the other way around I had my son when I was 21 and daughter when I was 25.
At the end of the day I think we are all just trying our best. You are a great Mum and you are doing a fantastic job.
If we all had the exact same life how boring would that be?

This is all on your head. Half the mums at school are 40+. You’re not old.

She 100% meant gosh id never have guessed because you look in your 20s. Not christ youre 40 and have a small child (that is so normal its boring! 😆 - trying to cheer you up, but its v normal!)

I opened this thread thinking it would be about a woman in her 50s with a pre-schooler, not a woman who is 40. I can’t be the only one?!

In my world, being 40 with a 7 year-old is very young! You had a baby just 2 years older than the UK national average age for a first time mum. I honestly don’t know anyone who had a baby at 33.

So this is a lot of fuss over nothing, I’m afraid.

Depends where you live I guess. But in London all the reception mums are in late 30s early 40s in my son’s school. It never occurred to me as being an old mum. I m 40 this year and a kid in reception, one 3 year old and one 1 year old.

You’re in London and most other mums are similar in age to you, rather than the woman in her late 20s. If I were offended, I would have make a jokey remark at the time and then not given it any more headspace. I’m sure she didn’t mean anything intentionally inconsiderate given she wants to be your friend but I’d be conscious that similar age related comments may be innocently made in future conversations and whether it will upset you in the same manner.

I'm 41 my kids are 5 and 8, when my son was in reception i was the young mum! There were parents there whose older kids were at university. Honestly don't worry about it

My mum was 34 when she had me in the late 80s so older than average then and I still didn't think she was old then or an older mum now! She certainly never stood out for being a bit older than other mums!

I'll be older than you when my kids start school. I don't feel old, in fact most mums at baby groups were around my age, some a few years younger, some older!

I wouldn't call someone having a baby at 33 an older mum!

I wasn't offended, and I didn't get the impression she was reacting to me being an old mum. It was me that felt embarrassed at saying that I'm 40 with a child in reception, which is why I said I was being silly.
I know it's largely average, but I don't know, you don't get that reaction when your age is expected. No one ever asked me my age at 25 and then appeared visibly shocked... it was just the context as well as things happening later for me than I would have liked.

I’m what would be seen as an old Mum. Had my one and only child 2 months before my 41st birthday after years of trying, failed ivf, miscarriage and then my body fired out that one good egg. I don’t feel old - I’m 50 now with a nearly 10 year old. Age is just a number. I think my son has helped me stay younger.

Sounds as though she is a very young 20 something. I was and said many stupid things to people over 40.

I'm an older mum, had my youngest when I was 40 and I never wanted to be an older mum. I was the oldest mum in his year all the way through primary school and wore that crown with pride 👑

Age really is just a number