Old Mum in the playground - I'm being silly, I know

[SugarSW7]

This is really silly. I've been friendly to a new mum at the school playground. Both our kids are in reception. We get on, but I'm an old mum. She told me, this week, that I'm the most friendly of the mums. I get the impression she wants to be friends.
She said to me that when she first saw me, she didn't think I would speak to her as I seemed posh. She asked my age, I said 40. She was floored. Shocked. She did go on to day how "I look amazing for my age". I know it was meant as a compliment, but it just made me feel ancient. She's late 20s. I never wanted to be an old mum, but i didn't meet my husband til i was 29. We got married even i was 30, we had lots of miscarriages then we had 3 kids within 3 and a half years. The oldest is 7.
Its really got to me, as i was always scared of this happening - being the old mum in the playground. I'm so embarrassed.

What did she say that was wrong? She simply implied she thought the op was younger than she is?

Aww you’re definitely overthinking this… my youngest is starting reception in Sept and I’m the ripe old age of 42 :) but I honestly don’t feel like an “old mum” at all! I agree with others that any maturity in age will be seen as a strength in you by younger mums xx

Balls, I'm 37 and definitely don't model calm consistency.

I was the young mum and now I'm the old mum lol
Had my first at 22 and now I'm pregnant with my 3rd at 39 (my second is age 3).
Anyway,
I wouldn't worry, I feel like there's a good range of ages of mums everywhere tbh
And if I get along with someone, I really don't care about their age.
I also want to university at 29 and some of my younger university friends are having their firsts or 2nds now
Also people are always surprised when I say 39 too, like come on, did you expect me to look 60? I don't get why they think 40 is old?
The funniest is when I'm with my daughter, she's 17, people act shocked when I say she's my daughter
Like, I assure you it's perfectly possible 😭

Yeah, I am 46. I’m modelling nothing to no one 🤣🤣🤣

I was a far better, calmer parent in my early 20s than I am now. These days I am impatient, bored and usually in pain from a disc I slipped a couple of years ago.

I never get the “older parents are more patient” shit. Ive certainly never seen that. My 5 year old gets away with all sorts that her 25 year old brother wouldn’t have just because I’m older and wearier from the bollocks of life.

I’m 38 with one in primary and one at nursery. It must be area dependent because most mums are around the same age as me. Young mums in their twenties are rare here.

I was the 'old' mum, I was about 47 when DS started school. I never really thought much about it. I felt really good when one teacher approached me and told me, the class were saying what their plans were for the weekend, she laughed and said DD told the class mummy was having a birthday party. One of the others asked how old her mummy is, DD told them 50, the teacher was in fits telling me they corrected her saying 40, but DD was insistent. When I said that DD was correct, she was very complimentary to me, I took it on board and felt great.

it's a human quirk that internally people tend to assume that "normal" is approximately what they are/do.

So if you have your first child at 23, you assume the average age to have kids is "about" 23 regardless of stats that show its now about 31. Even if you do you realise you're a bit younger than some others (e.g. you're the first of your friends), you only round it up a bit and assume the average age is "around" 25.

If you're 5'7 and don't feel particularly tall you think the average height for a woman is "about" 5'6", when it's actually about 5'3.

The MN special - if you earn £60k and don't feel rich you think that's about an "average" salary despite it being nearly double the actual median!

and so on.

We have thousands of years of evolution designing us to fit into the pack, so we fib to ourselves about it to reassure ourselves we do!

In Ireland 33 is statistically exactly the average age for a first pregnancy.

Good Lord, my closest friends are all a decade or more younger than me. I’m 57 with a 15 year old so I was almost 47 when he started school. Obviously all the mums were years younger than me and some young enough to be my daughters! It’s never been an issue. People were often shocked when I told them my age, which I was very happy about! Don’t let the gap put you off, you’re far from being an old mum and if you get on and have a great friendship then that’s lovely!

I’m 54 with a 14&17 year old, a lot of mums in my area are similar ages

I was at the other end of the spectrum. Had my son when I was 20 and was almost the youngest mum in the playground. Felt quite left out sometimes.

You're not an old Mum. She's unusually young these days.

Bloody hell, you're being ridiculous. Get a grip

Please don’t worry OP - she was tactless in her response but I’d say she’s young, rather than you being old! I was 43 before I got to the playground when my daughter was 5 and there were several of us in that age range.
A work colleague of mine is 53 and has a five-year old - she really feels old!

My son is 6 and I am almost 40, all of the Mum friends I have made at school are the same age as me and had our children mid 30s because of careers, met partners later, trouble conceiving etc.
Yes there are also a big group of Mums much younger than me; some 20 years younger. But you are definitely not in the minority having your children “later” in life.

I cant see the problem.

If anyone ask me my age i tell them if they say oh you look younger i take as a complement even if they are just being polite its still nice to hear.

You’re not an old mum! I had my youngest just before my 42nd birthday so by the time she was in reception I was 46! And I definitely wasn’t the oldest mum in the playground. No one cares! I had my oldest at 24 so I’ve been a younger mum and it didn’t matter then either.

You’d be young in our playground!
I’m the same age and I considered myself average age becoming a Mum, slightly older than I’d have liked: but was in same predicament. I think she just is a little immature of conversation starters and is trying to compliment you and be friends. Just a little back handed possibly. I would avoid being so self critical, you sound fine.

My School Mums are 10 years older and I have never considered a thing, some are mis 20s, I don’t view their age as a thing.

Some Mums believe the older range Mums are more laid back and in control / not so temperamental and get caught up in the drama. I’m not so sure of that, I think that’s down to individual personalities.

You really need to turn your embarrassment on its head.
The woman in her 20s is very young to be settled down, having daily drudgy routines like the school run. Your 20s is a time for exploring, travelling, staying out, having fun, working while as fit and healthy as possible. Its the time to only worry about yourself. She will say she can 'live her life' when her kids are older but she can never stop being a mum and putting kids first. She will also, very probably, be a young grandmother and back into the routine of childminding too.

Where I live, young mums are very unusual and personally I always feel sorry for them and assume it must be for religious reasons.

I was 45 by the time my last one started school...and so what? Que sera sera..

And Yes, you're right, it's really silly

I was 39 & 41 when my 2 started reception.
Now 44. I always take it as a compliment when the mums are shocked I am 10 years or so older than them!
Don't be embarrassed.
I have a friend who is forty and her littlest is still in nursery, it's not that big a deal these days.

I remember being a bit nervous taking my youngest dd to school for the first time. I was 46, when she was 4. I started speaking to another mother and she was 50. Later on another girl started the school and her mum was also a few years older than me. So you're hardly old! Dd2 is currently expecting dc2 and she'll be 35 when he's born and she doesn't think anything of it.

Please don’t be. I was 41 & 43 when I had my children so was mid 40’s when they started school. One of my best friends is a young Mum. I’m the same age as her Mum. She actually sometimes felt that she stuck out because she was a young Mum. My friendship group was more based on how we got on and of course the kids did too. They are now 21 & 23 and we still socialise together, have mini breaks including the ‘kids’ and my ‘young’ friend is my neighbour now. Try and enjoy, whatever the age gap.

I was the same, almost by the year. Some of my best friends are well over a decade younger. I’m not sure why you’re so bothered by it?