Am I unreasonable to refuse direct financial support for my eldest?

[AnOn2909]

So I have 2 children, we divorced when the eldest was 14 (now 18) the youngest splits their time btn parents (CMS is being paid). The eldest decided to stay with the other parent in the family home and has had minimal contact with me since 2-3x a year. Divorce recently finalised and home is now being sold. University is on the horizon and I’ve been asked to provide eldest child with funds. They believe it’s fair that as CMS will stop I should continue paying the same amount in funding (£400-£500 pcm), directly to eldest child. Am I being unreasonable saying no.

If the child is going to university, of course they need support. I’ve never met a parent who didn’t support their child to get their education, except where financial circumstances made this impossible.
If your child is starting full time work and being paid (not as an apprentice) then ok to stop support.

Thank you for all the comments. To clarify, I have never said that I won’t provide some support. However, I will not in a position to provide the same level of support as I currently do via CMS. The comments about me wanting to buy a house are frankly ridiculous. One could argue that the mother doesn’t need to buy a house and would then have the resources to provide the same level of support that she’s asking of me. I will provide a level of support that I can afford, bearing in mind whatever I do for the eldest I’ll need to do for the youngest.

To clarify, I have never said that I won’t provide some support

Literally your thread title. You do seem rather prone to hyperbole and exaggeration though.

I thibk
people are being unfair here , you both need to provide the child similar support if any . I went to uni with none and had to work throughout . I thibk
yiur offer of £250 plus mum £250 should be enough to cover rent and she can either work or get the student loan for living expenses .

I didn’t create the thread title, mumsnet generates it automatically. If only you read the actual thread properly 🤦‍♂️

That's unnecessarily rude. It was in the title of your post. Add or edit your own title if it is incorrect.

It wasn't until your 7th post that you actually stated you are still prepared to contribute. You may feel it's implied by your previous posts but it's completely readable the other way especially given the title.

You said a few posts in that "I was willing to contribute [past tense] but they have demanded the same payment should be made. I offered to match what the other parent pays that’s not good enough apparently." Also completely open the interpretation that you had withdrawn your willingness to contribute or were only prepared to pay what your ex paid.

We're not forensic scientists.

I did read it. All of it. Your own words made it sound like you didn’t want to support her at all. It sounded like you were digging your heels in because you think your ex and your eldest are a pair of dicks and now she’s 18 she has absolutely nothing to do with you. Why on earth would you use an inaccurate thread title? Maybe you should read what the “actual” title said before posting. I didn’t even know that was a thing and I’be been starting threads on everything from breastfeeding to graduate jobs for over two decades and I’ve never been so lazy as to not write a succinct and accurate thread title. You also swerved all questions about how much you were prepared to support her or what your CM was being reduced by, exactly how they are “demanding” anything or what you earn given that your CM is going down by £500/month for one child of why you think it’s so outrageous that you, Mr Specialman, don’t have to support your child through education while the rest of us do, or why, exactly, you think that the other parents financial contribution by feeding and housing her when she isn’t at university is worthless trash but you supporting her during term time is “being used as an ATM”?

🤦‍♂️ <—— Whilst not as cringetastic as the ATM remark, this doesn’t make you look less of a dick. Your thread title is “Am I unreasonable to refuse direct financial support for my eldest?” You couldn’t be arsed to write it yourself. You couldn’t be arsed to proof read it. You couldn’t be arsed to edit it. You’ve backed it up with hysterical language and whining and comparing yourself to an ATM and you’ve got the brass bollocks to pretend I’m the one who didn’t bother to read. You haven’t even read your own title, or seemingly, posts.

Don't be so pathetic!

He is going to contribute. Daughter has decided to cut contsct not her dad

OP is completely fair to question this. It is an adult child he is being asked to finance, not a stroppy 13 year old. First life lesson for the young adult - don't bite the hand that feeds you if you want it to keep on feeding you.

You posted “I didn’t create the thread title, Mumsnet generates it automatically…..”

Am i missing something ?????
Whenever I start a thread on Mumsnet, I write the title first and then underneath post whatever.