First ever baby to be expelled from nursery?!

[SaraG3018]

Hi all. I've got an 18mo DD who is just, a firecracker. She's always called a happy baby by everyone, and she is, but she's also absolutely savage and insane. Everything is a delight and a game and a reason to get overexcited.

Sometimes she gets handsy, other times she throws toys or pulls hair. With us, we don't mind so much but nursery have now put her on a behaviour plan! I never heard of such a thing.

When she started to be like this around 12-14mo we used to firmly tell her not to, remove her from the situation or toy or person, but not over labour the point so as not to give her attention over it. She loves the attention. We also got given a sticker chart and a set of laminated cards with red stop signs or happy or sad faces etc to help her identify her feelings or to know when to stop.

I know all toddlers can get this way but my older DD who's now 6 was never this bad. She's now on a behaviour plan where the nursery tries to track any triggers or particular people but they're not spotting any pattern. They ring us almost daily now with something she's done, and mostly she's not hurting other kids though there have been a couple of occasions of pushing or pulling. She knows how to say sorry and does it well, so understands the concepts of no or kind hands. But the thing is, for her, it's never a tantrum or upset or malicious behaviour it's the opposite- she's just happy and overexcited and misplaces the energy. She doesn't realise when she could hurt someone, she just has this thrilled look in her eye like it's all play.

At this point I genuinely feel like my little happy girl might be the first ever baby to get expelled from a nursery! I half feel indignant because, why are the nursery staff ringing me to check if I've been using the sticker chart properly when I'm at work... she's literally a 1 year old baby who can't speak yet. She's just about starting to pick up single words now. On the other hand, I know she's more demanding than my first and handsy and I'm starting to feel like a bad mum. But I literally don't know what else I can do? If I tell her off even more she just wiggles away or gets happier from the attention and eye contact. She's kind of feral but we love it and think it's just her baby nature and will grow out of it. But is there something I'm missing? Could we be trying something else? Any advice much appreciated! At this daily rate I'm sure they're going to tell us they can't handle her and we need to leave soon!

I agree. I think this post is written by somebody trying to minimise something concerning. 12 to 18 months is a huge period for development. Baby behaviours evolve into typical toddler behaviours which have their own complexities, but an 18-month-old is beginning to understand basics such as pulling a friend’s hair will make them sad. She isn’t a baby. Nursery is a difficult place for quieter, more sensitive children, especially if one child is persistently rough. A sticker chart is unhelpful at this stage but it does need to be addressed. Setting boundaries starts at home.

Ffs she is 18 months! Too young to be manipulative. Judgy much?
This is all totally normal behaviour at this age and in a couple of months she will let you do a bit more without having a little breakdown.
She just wants to be with you, nothing wrong with that.
re the behaviour, I think the nursery is unable to handle her and I would move her to another place where they are not flapping about and know the different stages kids go through and different personalities on top of that. I reckon that they are hysterical when it comes to correcting her and she is feeding off of that. Sticker charts and cards for an 18m … smh

If the world was full of these 'normal' individuals society would grind to a halt. OP is being slammed, because she comes across as thinking this is all amusing. Let's not jump in and correct them, then we might learn how quickly Jenny can cave a skull in. You're bordering on ridiculous and maybe stop banging on about star charts. we've all agreed they aren't appropriate for an 18mth year old. You're talking like you've reinvented the wheel. This is much less of a nursery problem than a parenting one. Hard to rectify this kind of blaise nonsense. I'm guessing nursery wants rid of both of the and who could blame them. Maybe she could come to yours, you sound completely infallible and she could spend many happy hours tearing out your hair and listening to your feathery strokery.

Private nurseries are notoriously useless at this sort of thing, staff have far less knowledge than council run nurseries. Private nurseries are there to fill the gap before "real" nursery starts at 3. What a load of rubbish. At 18 months your child is very much still a baby, who doesn't understand a thing. It is such a shame the baby stage is rushed along for everyone else's convenience. Most private nurseries are as useless as each other, but there must be another one better somewhere.

My sister got “expelled” from nursery for similar reasons over 20 years ago. My mum still moans about it. She’s a perfectly nice and normal adult now.

Find a different nursery, be honest about her behaviour and hopefully you can nip this in the bud.

Most ridiculous thing I’ve heard today 😂

The replies on this thread are insane.

"Hurt other children"
"You're the problem"
"Not a baby anymore"

Having a degree and master in childhood behaviour and psychology, and working in the field for 15 years, I can tell you now there's no way an 18 month old is sophisticated enough to be deliberately hurting others and knowing it, getting exciting and hurting others in the process is a completely normal and acceptable learning process for toddlers.

It sound sto me like it's typical nursery where they want placid and docile children and no alternative.

I work In a setting and find it hard to believe that she’s on a behaviour plan without hurting staff or children. You also need to find a way to redirect your child when she’s behaving this way.

But it seems that all the nursery can do is offer a star chart.

You've just said that they are inappropriate... so why is it appropriate to offer them.

From what I've gathered the most violent thing this child has done is push. Twice. In the space of a year. But the nursery makes a big deal out developmentally appropriate behavour.

I suggest you read about schematic learning. It might explain toddler behaviour a little better. It's the way babies and toddlers learn through compulsive behaviour. So throwing sand and toys (whilst unwanted) is developmentally normal. Whatever your thoughts are. The way to deal with unwanted behavour is through redirection- not the way the nursery is dealing with it. ✨️

Although I have worked in many nurseries, I don't currently. So you have this wrong.
I've also dealt with much bigger unwanted behaviour than OP is talking about and found that communication and language, slowing things down and understanding a child's individual needs is incredibly effective in reversing unwanted behaviour.

So I'll continue to advocate for this method regardless of your thoughts, but I thank you for sharing them. 🙂

Any nursery that is putting a 1 year old on a behaviour plan and ringing you at work about her 'behaviour' does not have a clue about child development 🤦‍♀️ Reward charts, consequences etc will not work at that age....they just don't have the understanding or impulse control.

The nursery sounds pathetic....I would be moving her out because their attitudes will be damaging for her otherwise.

I agree.

Exactly this . I’d be looking for an alternative nursery she’s a baby she’s learning she’s developing what appears to be a awesome personality

Children this age definitely understand everything they do. I was a nanny and had twins, one of which loved to go by the electric socket and put the finger there... She stopped doing it when my No went very very firm and angry.

bollocks

@HasDepth
You think an 18th month old child understands everything they do?!

To be honest, there’s a few red flags in your post which suggest you may not be taking this seriously. Saying she’s “feral but we love it” and that she “just wiggles away” when you try and tell her off suggests to me that you don’t think it’s an issue and aren’t working with the nursery to deal with it. It’s clearly a big issue if she’s hurting other kids and I think you need to be firmer with her. It’ll only worsen if you don’t deal with it now.

Push, throw toys, throw sand, scratch, pull hair, hit, be 'feral'. Pushing twice does not result in daily calls and 20 minute 'chats' and you know it. The OP quickly changed track and started bullshitting. Schematic learning, fine, this kind of behaviour, to this extent, is not normal. If you are really suggesting that it is then you did not do your job effectively and by the sounds of it worsened the issues.

No more twaddle please.

She’s sounds normal and spirited. Ridiculous that a 1.5 year old BABY is already being labelled as SEN because heaven forbid she has some spirit and pulled a child’s vest!!!! Sounds like a prison camp not a nursery.

“Spirited” 😂

You need to try and get a grip on this behaviour now. Nursery would only be making a big deal of it if she was hurting or they were worried about her hurting other kids. It sounds like she is seeking sensory feedback from motions like throwing, or feeling her body against others - there are ways of giving her that outlet that don’t endanger others. I would try an OT.
My 7yo DC was tricky at nursery, bad at resolving conflict and quick to resort to hitting. We didn’t know nearly enough to identify these as unusual behaviours. They are now on their third school and we have an AuDHD diagnosis and a full EHCP. But we lost time when we could have been helping them because we didn’t hear what the professionals were trying to tell us and we thought they were just energetic.
’Savage’ and ‘feral’ aren’t charming or funny ways to describe your child.

God preserve us from the spirited children.
Contrary to what their adoring parents believe, they’re not welcome anywhere.

“ Savage, insane, firecracker, handsy and feral” are pretty strong descriptions of a toddler. How can your child say sorry if she is unable to speak OP?

I don’t think this nursery setting sounds appropriate for DD. Are they trying to protect the other children from her? You will have to step up with the discipline OP, as you won’t want school ringing you daily ( when she gets there) because she can’t keep her hands to herself or she becomes even more “feral”.

Lots to consider it seems. Don’t you mind her pulling hair??

This.

Twenty minute chats about a vest being pulled and daily phone calls asking about the use of an inappropriate star chart is not supporting parents to deal with (whether you agree or not), developmentally appropriate behavour.

You're welcome to your opinion on whether you think it's developmentally normal or not
but you're actually coming across as quite rude.

I'm going to end it there, I can see we aren't going to agree. That's ok, it won't stop me or change my practices. I know I'm making a positive difference regardless of your opinions.

I’m sorry. I know
but there are too many posts to get through.
18 months IS a baby
shes too young for a sticker chart
behaviour plans for a child this age is mad
give minimal attention for unwanted behaviours
use distraction
look out for what happens before each incident so you can work out what she is trying to communicate
stop pathologising babies