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Original poster

3 year old won't stay at mummy's house

262 replies

Aoak96 · 03/05/2026 20:06

Hi

I have recently split from my husband and moved out. We have a 3 year old son. He has started to refuse to stay with me (mum) at my new house to the point he is screaming and crying to go back to daddy's house. I now live with my new partner and we have my son 4 night where as his dad has him the rest. I don't know what to do he's started to say mummy makes him sad and he doesn't want mummy he just wants his dad any help appreciated

OP posts:
JassyRadlett · 03/05/2026 20:08

How recent is recent in terms of the split?
How much time elapsed before your new partner moved in, and how well did your three year old know him beforehand?

That's a hell of a lot of change for a small child.

Roads · 03/05/2026 20:08

My first thought is if you've recently split why are you already living with a new partner? He's probably finding the whole thing very overwhelming and would be much more content if there wasn't a stranger now living in one of his houses?

Sunisgettinganewhaton · 03/05/2026 20:09

Strange house.
Strange man.
No wonder he won't stay...

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3 year olds Behaviour & development Families General parenting
Original poster
Aoak96 · 03/05/2026 20:09

He's known my new partner for a berry long time and there was a good chunk of time between moving out and new partner moving in I didn't word that verry well sorry

OP posts:
Pearlstillsinging · 03/05/2026 20:10

I'm afraid that your son, aged 3, is expressing his upset as best he can at his age. He wants life to go back to how it was before you moved out. What on earth were you thinking of, expecting him to accept your new partner with equanimity?

Roads · 03/05/2026 20:11

Aoak96 · 03/05/2026 20:09

He's known my new partner for a berry long time and there was a good chunk of time between moving out and new partner moving in I didn't word that verry well sorry

He's 3 how long could he possibly have known your new partner and how can the split be recent if you've had a good chunk of time between it all happening?

I think you're idea of a long time differs very greatly to your very young child's.

Original poster
Aoak96 · 03/05/2026 20:11

We didn't have an issue with him for the first month but recently as of the last two weeks or so he has become very emotional and upset he has recently had chicken pox but I didn't think this would effect the situation much

OP posts:
SayWhatty · 03/05/2026 20:11

What are the timescales? It might all feel well paced to you, but obviously not to your DS.
You need to make him feel secure, whatever that requires.

Original poster
Aoak96 · 03/05/2026 20:13

I wasn't looking for judgment here this is my situation and I'm asking for help he has known my new partner well over a year previous to us being together as we were old friends

OP posts:
ainsleysanob · 03/05/2026 20:13

You recently split with your husband and now you live with a new boyfriend and your son is only three He hasn't known him a very long time because he hasn’t been alive for a very long time.

How long ago did you split with your husband?

Overthebow · 03/05/2026 20:14

It’s a new house, new man and new situation where his mum and dad don’t live together anymore. He’s only 3 and so much has changed. It doesn’t matter if he knew your new partner before, he’s not his dad.

Besidemyselfwithworry · 03/05/2026 20:14

If he’s only 3 it can’t have been that long!
he’s seeing his Mummy with someone else and feels Daddy is being replaced and he’s so little he can’t get his head round it all at a guess.
I never understand why people are obsessed with moving in with other people when their kids are so little, your priority should be your son here I’d say.

Roads · 03/05/2026 20:15

Aoak96 · 03/05/2026 20:13

I wasn't looking for judgment here this is my situation and I'm asking for help he has known my new partner well over a year previous to us being together as we were old friends

It's not judgemental to query why you seem to be rushing all this. Knowing someone as mummy's friend is very different to sharing a house with them. He's clearly telling you this new arrangement isn't working for him.

Overthebow · 03/05/2026 20:15

Aoak96 · 03/05/2026 20:13

I wasn't looking for judgment here this is my situation and I'm asking for help he has known my new partner well over a year previous to us being together as we were old friends

Knowing him for a year as your friend isn’t the same as him now being your partner and living with you though. Your son now has to live with a man who isn’t his dad. He’s very young for all this. He may not accept your new partner and may not want to live with him.

wineosaurus4 · 03/05/2026 20:17

How long after your split did you move the new man in, to your new house? Don’t you see how all these are massive changes to a three year old?!

HoiityToity · 03/05/2026 20:17

People are saying it because it’s absolutely going to have an affect on your son that you have moved a new partner into his home. It’s not because we don’t think you should have a life, it’s because it’s very likely the cause of your son’s unhappiness.

Just because he’s known your boyfriend for a year, it doesn’t mean he is happy about living with him.

HoiityToity · 03/05/2026 20:18

Is your son’s father willing to have full custody?

Gotcrazyagain · 03/05/2026 20:18

Why did you move in with your new partner so soon after separating? I am not surprised at all about your DC's reaction.

Smartiepants79 · 03/05/2026 20:20

Aoak96 · 03/05/2026 20:13

I wasn't looking for judgment here this is my situation and I'm asking for help he has known my new partner well over a year previous to us being together as we were old friends

You say this like this situation is something you have not actively chosen. It is entirely of your own making. You have moved your very small child in with a new person way, way, way too quickly. Your son has very good reasons for preferring to stay with his dad.

Jellybunny98 · 03/05/2026 20:20

ainsleysanob · 03/05/2026 20:13

You recently split with your husband and now you live with a new boyfriend and your son is only three He hasn't known him a very long time because he hasn’t been alive for a very long time.

How long ago did you split with your husband?

This.

It’s far too much change far too quickly to expect a 3 year old to cope with seamlessly, or any child for that matter.

Knowing someone as “mummy’s friend” is also vastly different to living with that person 24/7 in a new home that doesn’t feel like home.

Honestly OP my advice is to take 10 steps back. Your son is only 3. Focus on him, not fitting him into your new relationship.

MinnieMountain · 03/05/2026 20:21

Does your ex have a partner living at his house?

SleepingisanArt · 03/05/2026 20:21

You asked for help to manage this situation but are refusing to see why your son is 'acting up'. He's 3. He will recognise your new partner in the way that he'd recognise any other of your friends. However, he associates home as being his mum and dad in his home. You have left his home and moved in with someone who is not his dad and he's telling you he's not happy. You need to live on your own with your son for a few years whilst he gets used to this separate houses situation. Still see you new man but not when you have your son. Its all too much for a little one and you have been unbelievably selfish.

cadburyegg · 03/05/2026 20:22

Well he probably doesn’t want to live with a strange adult. Why have you moved a new partner in so soon? Knowing the guy as a friend is hardly the same thing.

The answer to a divorce is not to move the new shag in straight away. And I say that as a single mum

Muchtoomuchtodo · 03/05/2026 20:24

I feel very sorry for your 3 year old.

That’s a lot for anyone to get used to, let alone a young child.

He doesn’t know how to eloquently, verbally communicate how he’s feeling. He’s doing his best. You need to quickly review the decisions that you’ve made and make your young son your priority if you’ve got any chance of things improving. If you don’t want to do that, can he live full time with his Dad?

edited for typo

geekygardener · 03/05/2026 20:31

The thing that you need is consistency and stability. It sounds like your ex stayed in the family home, which is where your son feels comfortable as it’s the constant in his life. Are you able to follow similar routines and such like as at dads? Can you get together with his dad and discuss a plan that allows for consistency. Does your son know what days he is where, can you make a visual plan that he can see so he has some idea what days he’s with each parent.

Does your son have his own room/space at both homes. Can you transport some of his favourite toys, teddies or whatever between houses so he has some familiarity.

How have things been with him and new partner? At this point it’s probably best that new partner is not parenting in anyway and is not caring for your son alone.

Can you and his dad meet somewhere out of each house together with your son and show positive interactions. It might help him see that this is a positive thing and this new way of life is not all scary.

When he is with you are you able to be fully present with him and do things he would like. So when he leaves after one visit you say “next time you come we will do that painting set” then have it set up for him when he arrives. Dad can then remind him “remember you will be doing that painting set with mummy later”. This will give him a physical solid bit of consistency and control of his changing environment. It makes the transition positive and less unknown as he will have something expected to hold on to.

Are the days you have him taken up with rushing to nursery, bedtime rushes and early starts? Is dads weekends? Where he is able to focus on fun stuff? If so it might be worth changing this so each parent gets equal fun time.