3 year old won't stay at mummy's house

[Aoak96]

Hi

I have recently split from my husband and moved out. We have a 3 year old son. He has started to refuse to stay with me (mum) at my new house to the point he is screaming and crying to go back to daddy's house. I now live with my new partner and we have my son 4 night where as his dad has him the rest. I don't know what to do he's started to say mummy makes him sad and he doesn't want mummy he just wants his dad any help appreciated

It’s irrelevant how long your very small child has known your new partner, he needed much more time than you have given him just to get used to having two homes with his parents before having to live with someone else too. You needed to build security in a new home with your son before moving anyone else in.

If she asks DP, he’ll just deny it.

To find out, she needs to move him out and see if the DCs behaviour improves.

If something has happened, well done to the 3 yo speaking out, saying he doesn’t want to stay at mummy’s.

Yeah but presumably he knew your partner before in the context of you and his father living together ? Now you live in a seperate house, with this person and not his father. He's 3. Im not sure what you're looking for here, this is beyond difficult for a three year old to process. Maybe its best of he stays with his dad for the time being and he is gradually reintroduced to your new household over the next 12 months so cognitively he can begin to understand?

Highest risk of sexual abuse is living with an unrelated male. Also it's not just kids living with stepfathers. Step mothers also negatively affect children's outcomes. Cinderella effect.

Are you 100% sure your new partner isn’t an abuser?

Can your partner move out for the time being?

Tbf op you say your son was okay for the first few weeks and the reason is likely that he probably didn't register this would be permanent, he's too young to have that awareness?? Now he's realised this strange new man isn't leaving his house he's probably very understandably acting out. You really have dropped the ball here op. I'm a seperated parent and have another partner so I'm not coming from a place of judging single parents who date others or even live together, but I think you know deep down you've moved this too fast - that's the reason you won't say the actual timescales. You're putting your love life over your child and that's horrible to say but I really can't think of how that isn't the case.

OP has buggered off because she's, rightly, had her arse handed to her.

You are either very selfish or very stupid, OP. Of course your 3 year old doesn't want to live with your new boyfriend. Ask him to move out or let your son live with his Dad full time. Prioritise your son, not yourself.

Oh crosspost. I thought the same.

Yeah but does it result in a young child reacting like this? If he fears his mums partner I’d expect him to cling to the mum for safety rather than saying he doesn’t want his mum and wants his dad instead.
But it’s probably a good idea for OP and her DP to live apart anyway.

God mumnsetters just can't wait for these kind of threads..
OP, you'd be better seeking advice from a friend or professional that can provide more balanced, empathic advice.

Your son's home was his security. That's where he wants to be. His world has changed and your house is an alien environment for him. If course he wants to be on the home he knows, with his dad. They're is nothing familiar in your new place, and that man who belonged somewhere else, is now there.

Or what everyone else has said.

I honestly don't know how to get past this. You'd be better off asking divorced dads, as they have to deal with this, usually.

"Recently" split, now living with new bloke who your THREE year old has know aaaaaages (a year). You expect your 3 year old to be cool with you shacking up with some random man who isn't his dad? I'm not surprised the poor thing is confused and would rather spend time at his dad's. Maybe you should have waited before diving in with or carrying on where you left off with the old friend when you have young children to think of. It's too much, too fast. You should have conducted this relationship away from your children and introduced them to the new man slowly over months and months, not be moved in after 20 seconds, this might be an old friend to you but to your child he is a strange man who is stealing his mother's attention from him.

What, so she can feel better about continuing to put her needs above her 3 year old's? BF needs to go so her son feels safe in his own home. Period.

Children often start this sort of behaviour when something else is going on. That you might not be aware of. Would he stay with you if your partner isn't there?

Because you don't know anything about this woman.

What would be your advice if that didn’t improve the situation? Would you tell the OP to return to her husband like the harlot and fallen woman she is?

I do. I know she has split with her 3 year old's Dad. Moved into a new place. Moved in a new man. In a very short space of time. Her 3 year old is clearly distressed at being with her. And she's looking for ways to make that OK. Rather than prioritising her own son. What more do I need to know?!

Op your just going to have to be patient with him he was used to the house that daddy’s in and that’s where he prefers to be I’m not going to judge you but having your partner move in might have unsettled him.

Nope. I'd tell her to move the BF out and prioritise her son. Where on earth have you pulled the harlot and fallen woman bollocks from?

This is so sad.

@Glowingup it’s definitely possible and my dd went through something along similar lines thanks to her dad using her to be manipulative and abusive towards me. With the information here we just don’t know.

While she can ask her DP to move out, she can’t do much about the fact that she no longer lives in the family home can she? So getting some support with getting the child used to living somewhere else would be helpful rather than constant berating about how awful she is or suggesting that her child just lives full time with his dad when that will have a massive impact on his relationship with his mum who presumably was his primary carer in infancy. People are just so up for hating on someone who is struggling.

I said what would you advise if moving the bf out doesn’t help and the boy still doesn’t want to stay with his mum?

Apparently there’s one sexual abuser on every street.

It’s scary.