3 year old won't stay at mummy's house

[Aoak96]

Hi

I have recently split from my husband and moved out. We have a 3 year old son. He has started to refuse to stay with me (mum) at my new house to the point he is screaming and crying to go back to daddy's house. I now live with my new partner and we have my son 4 night where as his dad has him the rest. I don't know what to do he's started to say mummy makes him sad and he doesn't want mummy he just wants his dad any help appreciated

For all we know she could have fled an abusive relationship. Not a lot of context to go on really. Or to judge.

If that was case then all the more reason to concentrate on her 3 year old son then hey?

You recently divorced and have already moved in with someone? Have you cheated? Is there any chance the child is listening to your ex talk about you?

You really have got this terribly wrong OP.

You should have prioritised making your son feel safe and secure after the split and spent a fair amount of time on your own with your DS instead of trying to create a new family set up.

Until you prioritise your son over your latest DP, this is never going to work out well for you long term.

Or put your child first, oh hang on no a man is more important, maybe apart from his world being blown apart he doesnt like your new partner, your boy is now not number one in your home and his home, some random man is now no.1 ,.if you put your son first then some random man wouldnt be living in his your home, all children should be put first especially at age 3, his dads home is where he feels safe,.he doesnt feel safe and settled at yours

i agree with the others. move out or dump the new man

spend time alone with your kid who should be the centre of your world

see the new man only when you dont have dc at home.

why do you need a new man anyway? was the old one not enough of a pain in the arse for you to decide no more!

Could your new partner be hurting your son?

You have no business moving your 3 year old in with a new partner so quickly.

You can backtrack and justify all you like - he’s 3 and deserves some settled time just with you.

You have plenty of time to have a new partner - his early childhood is limited and you’re causing him damage.

You might not be looking for judgement but you need it. Your behaviour is the reason your son is so unsettled and it is in your gift to change it.

It’s hard to give advice without more information.

He was ok in your old home?
Then you moved in to the new home with your DP and now he’s upset?
Did your DP live with you in the old home too?

Could you get a mattress and sleep in with him in his room?

He’s been through a lot of changes at only 3 years old and it might be that now he’s becoming more aware of things, it’s unsettling him even more.

He needs some stability and sleeping in his room might be a start.

Of course people are going to give their opinions, he's a very young child and his world has been turned upside down. He's 3, you say he knew your partner for a year before you got together? That doesn't explain how long you've been together either! He must have been a baby!

A very long time? He's only 3. What were you thinking.

Can you put yourself in the shoes of a 3 year old who loves his dad, but now there’s a strange man on the scene (regardless of how long you’ve known them).
He needs time where he is the priority, not having a new BF.

I agree
hopefully the Dad will apply for full custody and get it and the mum can then focus on her new boyfriend she is clearly more interested in.

The little boy should live with his dad and the OP, visit him there.

It seems as if she has appalling judgement and isn't capable of putting the needs of her ds first.

Like other PPs I find this so upsetting. They are still babies at 3 really, where even the change of a drinking beaker can set them off and unsettle them.

We haven't much to go on and I doubt @Aoak96 will be back, but I hope the dad is a decent sort and that he steps up and takes full custody. In this case it would clearly be in the child's best interests.

yes, but he wasn't expected to live in the same house as this man
poor kid

Whose house do you live in? Did you split from your ex and move a new man in?

Actually just realised nowhere does op say new partners male or have missed that?

@Aoak96 Frankly, you’ve made an appalling decision and your child is paying the consequences. Your son is 3. You are cheating him of stability. It is hard enough that he doesn’t see his parent at the same time. The least you can do is give him some sense of security that you still remain his source of comfort. He feels replaced and rightly so.

But that's the thing. Op moved out of the family home. So op's new house isn't even the poor child's home.

It just breaks my heart, why do women have children if they cant put them first..

oh we’ll have someone along soon with the cringe inducing “oh but happy mum is happy kids..” 🙄

Just one example - from this week

>Since this scandal came to light, Nathalie has been plagued by guilt. Her son, now eight years old, attended one of the dozens of schools involved. "At the time, he was having very violent outbursts. We couldn't understand why. He wasn't well. He was always saying, 'I hate them. I don't like it. I don't want to go to the after-school club.'

He was being physically and sexually abused. As were many other children there. By many workers.

https://www.france24.com/en/tv-shows/france-in-focus/20260429-abuse-at-french-after-school-programmes-parents-sound-the-alarm

Or to tell us all that NAMALT and stop being 'paranoid'

Define "a good chunk" please as you say recent in your fist post

Indeed. Moreover, I have few memories from before I was three (and not many before I was 4), so the fact that this man was in the little boy's vicinity previously doesn't mean he had or can recall any sort of relationship with him.