Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

3 year old won't stay at mummy's house

262 replies

Aoak96 · 03/05/2026 20:06

Hi

I have recently split from my husband and moved out. We have a 3 year old son. He has started to refuse to stay with me (mum) at my new house to the point he is screaming and crying to go back to daddy's house. I now live with my new partner and we have my son 4 night where as his dad has him the rest. I don't know what to do he's started to say mummy makes him sad and he doesn't want mummy he just wants his dad any help appreciated

OP posts:
Olive123456 · 03/05/2026 21:12

Maybe dad is trying to be "favourite" parent,not having rules,letting your son eat what he wants,go to bed when he wants,watch TV whenever he wants etc etc.

ThatLilacTiger · 03/05/2026 21:12

That poor baby. Reading this has genuinely made my heart ache. What the hell were you thinking?

I'd also be very concerned that your partner may have done something to frighten or hurt your child (outside of how inherently frightening and painful the whole situation is for them).

wishfulthinking25 · 03/05/2026 21:12

Oh god, You have a new partner, yes he may have known him previously but not to live with and certainly not to share mummy with. Why do people do this to their children? Please just put your child first. He is quite clearly telling you he does not want to be there and the only change is the new person living there.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3 year olds Behaviour & development Families General parenting
ainsleysanob · 03/05/2026 21:13

Glowingup · 03/05/2026 21:08

And how long do you see that arrangement continuing? The OP says this is a recent development and hasn’t been like this from the outset. It is likely to be temporary. It’s also seemingly not restricted to just the nights so should the OP just shrug her shoulders and accept that her son doesn’t want to see her anymore and wants to be with his dad instead? How supportive is the dad being of the contact? Is he playing into this and encouraging the son to act out?
If OP went to court she’d get overnight stays.

Show quote history

Perhaps OP could have put her 3 year old little boy first, stop even considering a new boyfriend never mind shacking up with one and making sure that the little boy was comfortable with the new mummy/daddy arrangements. Her desire to get a shag should be so far down her list of priorities that she shouldn’t even be able to see them in the distance.

Roads · 03/05/2026 21:13

Glowingup · 03/05/2026 21:08

And how long do you see that arrangement continuing? The OP says this is a recent development and hasn’t been like this from the outset. It is likely to be temporary. It’s also seemingly not restricted to just the nights so should the OP just shrug her shoulders and accept that her son doesn’t want to see her anymore and wants to be with his dad instead? How supportive is the dad being of the contact? Is he playing into this and encouraging the son to act out?
If OP went to court she’d get overnight stays.

Show quote history

Well it would probably be a good place to start on spending just some quality 1-1 time with him during the day to build the relationship, familiarise him with the house without the new bloke there and then move back onto having him staying overnight when he's more settled. Much more sensible than just ignoring everything and demanding he stays because she's entitled to have him overnight even though he's clearly very distressed at the current arrangement.

tnorfotkcab · 03/05/2026 21:13

YABU to move this man into your home so soon after splitting with ex.

Poor little kid

Seelybe · 03/05/2026 21:15

@Aoak96 you say you don't know what to do but expect no judgement for what you've done to cause the problem.
I think that says it all. You've done what suits you, not what's best for a very small child. You've totally disrupted his life in every aspect
So what you need to do (if youre seriously asking) is to put him first. Make contact arrangements that don't distress him (which will probably mean visiting you for the day rather than staying over) and once he's more settled think about gradually introducing longer visits and overnights.
I wonder why you couldn't work this out for yourself though? I somehow doubt we'll hear from you again 🙄

Maray1967 · 03/05/2026 21:15

Purplewarrior · 03/05/2026 21:10

Poor little boy.

Can you move DP out and focus on your child? Or is that too much to ask?

It shouldn’t be too much. It should be blindingly obvious that’s what she needs to do. OP, the bloke needs to go- now.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 03/05/2026 21:16

Aoak96 · 03/05/2026 20:13

I wasn't looking for judgment here this is my situation and I'm asking for help he has known my new partner well over a year previous to us being together as we were old friends

You might not be looking for judgement but you are apparently looking for answer.

As much as you might not like it...This is the glaringly obvious one...

The "help" is people telling you the truth..that your living set up is a massive issue

Knowing him for x means nothing...
Tonight my 2 yr was apoplectic my DM put him to bed..sweaty hyperventilating and dry wretching because inadvertently my dm "whisked him off" and he was (presumably) like wtf is my mummy. I want mummy.

Total outreaction for an adult but... hes 2

And my DM is a woman he sees 4 x pw who looked after him and put him to sleep many many nights while I was in hospital / havong surgeries / recovering and thry ADORE each other.

You have some bloke in your child's (already new and scary) living space...and this not only is a new person but their presence in the home changes the attention you give your child / the interactions you have.

As a mother of a 4 and 2 yo You could bet your bottom dollar I'd be telling my new DP we need to live separately if the alternative is either a distressed child or less than joint custody.

You really need to sort your priorities out.
I hope your child's father is decent and hands on.

In your shoes i would be devasted and desperate and will to try anything. ANYTHING.
your posts read as if you are irritated and over it. Your new ride is here to stay and you are over the whining. You want it to stop and you want your 3 yo to stfu and get with the program....

SovietSpy · 03/05/2026 21:16

ThatLilacTiger · 03/05/2026 21:12

That poor baby. Reading this has genuinely made my heart ache. What the hell were you thinking?

I'd also be very concerned that your partner may have done something to frighten or hurt your child (outside of how inherently frightening and painful the whole situation is for them).

This was my thought. A child having such a visceral reaction to staying at OPs house needs to be looked at seriously. I’d honestly be worried about abuse.

BunnyLake · 03/05/2026 21:18

Aoak96 · 03/05/2026 20:13

I wasn't looking for judgment here this is my situation and I'm asking for help he has known my new partner well over a year previous to us being together as we were old friends

Your lifestyle choices are impacting your son. How can people not judge?

cantthinkofagoodusername1 · 03/05/2026 21:18

Has your son ever been alone with your partner? Is there any possibility that he has or is being abused in any way?

carnivalcat · 03/05/2026 21:19

This is not remotely surprising.

Put your child first and move out.

ImFinePMSL · 03/05/2026 21:19

Aoak96 · 03/05/2026 20:09

He's known my new partner for a berry long time and there was a good chunk of time between moving out and new partner moving in I didn't word that verry well sorry

Any reason why you won’t give a specific timeline?

3horseshoes · 03/05/2026 21:20

Partner needs to move asap out for time being. Please prioritise your son. He is very young and adapting to major changes in his life is obviously very traumatic for him.

PoppinjayPolly · 03/05/2026 21:21

ainsleysanob · 03/05/2026 21:13

Perhaps OP could have put her 3 year old little boy first, stop even considering a new boyfriend never mind shacking up with one and making sure that the little boy was comfortable with the new mummy/daddy arrangements. Her desire to get a shag should be so far down her list of priorities that she shouldn’t even be able to see them in the distance.

Show quote history

This, can’t believe posters are still doing the “oh your ex is a bastard… poor you!!”

but how fortuitous it it that new bloke has been friends with you since before the split!

Glowingup · 03/05/2026 21:21

ainsleysanob · 03/05/2026 21:13

Perhaps OP could have put her 3 year old little boy first, stop even considering a new boyfriend never mind shacking up with one and making sure that the little boy was comfortable with the new mummy/daddy arrangements. Her desire to get a shag should be so far down her list of priorities that she shouldn’t even be able to see them in the distance.

Show quote history

People are always so disgusting and crude when they talk about women “putting cock first” and “wanting a shag”. As if that’s the only reason someone is in a relationship.
Anyway, back to this situation. Yes it could be that the little boy hates the partner and is scared of him. I’m more inclined to think it’s the dad that’s the potential issue actually, especially with the boy saying he doesn’t want mummy, he wants daddy. Rejecting a parent at age 3, especially someone who is the primary caregiver is a bit of a red flag. I doubt the OP’s DP is that involved in childcare to be honest. She could try asking the DP not to be there for a bit while she builds overnight contact back up but I wouldn’t be too shocked if that doesn’t make the difference that everyone on here thinks.

I think unless the DP has been actively abusive to the child then a three year old wouldn’t have as strong a reaction as their parents are the main focus. However if daddy has been saying how mean mummy is and how sad daddy is, it could trigger a reaction.

RoseField1 · 03/05/2026 21:21

Aoak96 · 03/05/2026 20:13

I wasn't looking for judgment here this is my situation and I'm asking for help he has known my new partner well over a year previous to us being together as we were old friends

This is nothing. Why have you moved so fast? How well do you really know him to move him in with your child??

Maray1967 · 03/05/2026 21:23

SovietSpy · 03/05/2026 21:16

This was my thought. A child having such a visceral reaction to staying at OPs house needs to be looked at seriously. I’d honestly be worried about abuse.

Show quote history

Yes, this is definitely a possibility.

Even that’s not the case, he needs to go. OO’s view that DC should be fine with this bloke as he’s known him a while is unbelievably stupid.

OP, I made the mistake of having PIL babysit DS when he was about 2. We walked in at 11pm to him screaming - his DGM whom he had known all his life could not settle him at all. You’re expecting a three year old to have a logical response to this bloke moving in. Forget that - he doesn’t want him there and that should be very clear to you.

ainsleysanob · 03/05/2026 21:23

Glowingup · 03/05/2026 21:21

People are always so disgusting and crude when they talk about women “putting cock first” and “wanting a shag”. As if that’s the only reason someone is in a relationship.
Anyway, back to this situation. Yes it could be that the little boy hates the partner and is scared of him. I’m more inclined to think it’s the dad that’s the potential issue actually, especially with the boy saying he doesn’t want mummy, he wants daddy. Rejecting a parent at age 3, especially someone who is the primary caregiver is a bit of a red flag. I doubt the OP’s DP is that involved in childcare to be honest. She could try asking the DP not to be there for a bit while she builds overnight contact back up but I wouldn’t be too shocked if that doesn’t make the difference that everyone on here thinks.

I think unless the DP has been actively abusive to the child then a three year old wouldn’t have as strong a reaction as their parents are the main focus. However if daddy has been saying how mean mummy is and how sad daddy is, it could trigger a reaction.

Show quote history

Talking about it isn’t quite as disgusting and crude as actually doing it though, is it? No one needs a relationship 20 seconds after leaving their husband.

SwissEscape · 03/05/2026 21:23

Is it normally advised that toddlers are moved about

Pleasealexa · 03/05/2026 21:24

cantthinkofagoodusername1 · 03/05/2026 21:18

Has your son ever been alone with your partner? Is there any possibility that he has or is being abused in any way?

I would definitely question if the little boy is feeling unsafe..could be emotional or physical safety.

Op, you need to prioritise your son, asap. It isnt working for him and potentially you are storing up long term issues. Can you son stay with his Dad? Having had 3 years old I'm would take his worries seriously as he is too young to be manipulative. He just wants to feel safe and currently that isn't with you

Well done for seeking help, take action and either he spends more time with his dad or you rebuild your relationship with your son on a solo basis. Men come and go but you have a duty of care to your child.

BridgetJonesV2 · 03/05/2026 21:25

Your son needs to be your one and only priority right now, not a new relationship. Why on earth are you moving so quickly? Your son has one childhood, and right now, you're majorly fucking it up for him.

If your new BF is that much of a priority, then let your son live with his Dad. He's literally screaming his unhappiness at you but you're not listening to him.

Tulipsriver · 03/05/2026 21:27

He's three, there's no way you can possibly have left long enough between splitting from his dad and moving a new man in. He needs stability and for both of his parents to prioritise him over new relationships.

Glowingup · 03/05/2026 21:28

Maray1967 · 03/05/2026 21:23

Yes, this is definitely a possibility.

Even that’s not the case, he needs to go. OO’s view that DC should be fine with this bloke as he’s known him a while is unbelievably stupid.

OP, I made the mistake of having PIL babysit DS when he was about 2. We walked in at 11pm to him screaming - his DGM whom he had known all his life could not settle him at all. You’re expecting a three year old to have a logical response to this bloke moving in. Forget that - he doesn’t want him there and that should be very clear to you.

Show quote history

But I’m guessing that the boyfriend doesn’t look after the boy on his own. I mean I don’t know and he could be the problem but usually kids are fine if their mums are there. This boy is saying “I don’t want mummy, I want daddy”. He’s not even mentioning the boyfriend. I know someone who lost two of her kids to her ex’s alienation which started early. She also had to leave the family home (he wouldn’t) and he began a long process of vilification (he had been abusive during their marriage too). One of the kids didn’t fall for it and is with her but the others are gone. So I’m maybe a bit hyper alert to these things especially if things were fine initially.