3 year old won't stay at mummy's house

[Aoak96]

Hi

I have recently split from my husband and moved out. We have a 3 year old son. He has started to refuse to stay with me (mum) at my new house to the point he is screaming and crying to go back to daddy's house. I now live with my new partner and we have my son 4 night where as his dad has him the rest. I don't know what to do he's started to say mummy makes him sad and he doesn't want mummy he just wants his dad any help appreciated

How on earth have you recently split from your husband and moved out but at the same time moved in with a new partner? Do you even know this man you've moved in with your child??

@Aoak96
I am sorry. But. Come on!

Your poor 3 year old! Where are your priorities?!

I was single for 4 years and focused on my children before I even went near another man....and that man went nowhere near my children or their home for a very long time.

Is your question really serious? Do you really need to ask a load of strangers whats going on?!

Poor child, life is chaotic because a parent has put the new partner and themselves first.

Image she’s young, the tracksuit type who can’t work because she has a child..,

saying her three year old knows him a long time ago…

I am married 18 years - thats not long at all as my parents are married 51 years and my parents-in-law are married 61 years. Nobody left or moved other people in…or had other children to other people…
spare me 🙄

That’s barrel scraping shite!! What do you mean only in the do has been “actively abusive”?!

I mean that if he has behaved in such a way to frighten the boy. So if he’s shouted at him or scared him in some other way. I just think the explanation might be different than it definitely being the new boyfriend because I’m slightly suspicious also of the dad who gets the mum to move out of the family home when the arrangement is that the kid lives 4 days a week with the mum. Why couldn’t the mum stay in the home?

This poor little boy has just had chicken pox on top of everything else. OP hasn't said who cared for him while he was ill. Hopefully one of his parents prioritised that. The child has had an awful lot to deal with.

Poor kid

I agree with pp. Can your new partner move out so it's just you and your child in the new house? You are asking an awful lot of a 3 year old and he is saying no more!

@Aoak96
You've got to accept people will judge you.

Your child is upset and you seem oblivious to why so are asking here.

You should live with your child for some considerable time before introducing a new person in your life, let alone sharing a house with them.

It might be your ex has influenced your son about his new situation but let's be honest you've made it easy for there to be concerns.

It might be your new beau has some issues which means your child feels vulnerable emotionally and perhaps physically.

But you don't know. So as a parent you must do what's best for your child. Which is make them safe so they can feel safe.

Has something happened between your new partner and son that you aren’t aware of?

She can’t stay in the home as she’s chosen to move out and on with her new bloke?

Could be an attachment issue OP? Might need to work on making him feel more secure (no judgement). www.positive-parenting-ally.com/attachment-styles.html

Worse than barrel scraping. Sounds like the start of crap about parental alienation.... A totally discredited and incredibly harmful theory that silences children's express statements about parents based on the idea that the other has alienated the child.

You've asked for advice and my advice would be to tell your boyfriend to leave. You can still see him on the 4 nights your son is with his dad but on the nights he is with you then just focus on your relationship with your son who is obviously struggling.

Given you had 3 nights a week to carry on with your new relationship while your child stayed at is dad's why on earth did you decide to move your new partner into his home fulltime? Did he need somewhere to live or something?

Not that long. Your child is only 3.

How long between leaving and moving partner in?

Did your chid refuse to stay at your house before your partner moved in?

As others have said, your partner has done something to make your child afraid. You need to move him out immediately and try to find out from your tiny little three year old WHAT happened.

My three year old struggled recently because my husband changed his car. The level of change you are talking about is enormous and you don’t seem to be acknowledging that.

Some people just can’t be single. Prioritising cock over your kid is a Hell of a thing.

What's his relationship with your partner like? Not when he was a friend but now?
Is dad in the family home?
Does your partner have any DC staying with you?
Does he have his own bedroom at yours with familiar items from home?
How has his dad handled the split?
How have you handled the split? Are you and his dad amicable?
How long since you split?
It's hard to give advice with out all the info. So your obviously just going to get responses that focus on the only info you gave, which is a recent split and a new man living with you.

You have recently split but are living with someone else already? That's probably the problem. He doesn't want to live with a stranger, and who can blame him, but he doesn't know how to articulate that. Its way too much and too soon for him to process.

Hi sorry you are getting so much stick here. If the house he lives in with his Dad is the one you all lived in together then maybe he feels homesick when he stays ‘somewhere else’ which is why he feels sad .I think the shared custody of children is hard for them sometimes as they have to adjust to two homes , and even for adults that wouldn’t be easy. Does he have a familiar teddy or blanket or something that he has with him in both homes?
In an ideal world the child would live in the same house and the parents could swap over looking after them. Easier said than done of course
I hope you work it out, good luck!

I think unless the DP has been actively abusive to the child then a three year old wouldn’t have as strong a reaction as their parents are the main focus.

This really isn't true. Stepfather abuse is rife - in fact, children are likelier to be murdered by a stepfather figure than anyone else. An unrelated man living in the same house as a child is a dangerous situation, and children instinctively recognise that. Society just doesn't want to admit it.

Well we don’t know that do we? I just know that it’s not really the norm for the woman who has the kids more of the time to have to leave the family home.

We had this with DSD around a similar age, we consulted a therapist.

They advised:
DSD too young to make contact decision and to keep on with contact

Mirror routines, especially bedtime, as much as possible. Maintain boundaries.

1:1 time, make sure you spend a lot of time with partner

It must be hard for you, but it’s sounds like DS has been through so much change.