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Original poster

3 year old won't stay at mummy's house

262 replies

Aoak96 · 03/05/2026 20:06

Hi

I have recently split from my husband and moved out. We have a 3 year old son. He has started to refuse to stay with me (mum) at my new house to the point he is screaming and crying to go back to daddy's house. I now live with my new partner and we have my son 4 night where as his dad has him the rest. I don't know what to do he's started to say mummy makes him sad and he doesn't want mummy he just wants his dad any help appreciated

OP posts:
ChickenBananaBanana · 03/05/2026 20:37

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Delphiniumandlupins · 03/05/2026 20:37

Has his dad stayed in your old house? Have you bought all new furniture for your new house? An older child might like the fun of choosing new stuff but a toddler wants familiarity. Can you bring more things from the old house, furniture and toys? Then just stay calm and spend lots of time just the two of you, until he gets more used to things. Is your ex supportive?

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 03/05/2026 20:38

It will feel like people are criticising you. They aren’t, they are trying to explain how unsettling it is for your son.

Does daddy live in the same house he always did? That will feel familiar. Everything there is right and normal, except mummy is missing.

Where you live, he has mummy. But the house is new, his room is new, the smell is new… and there’s a new person living there too.

Some things you could try- orient his bed and bedroom the same way around as his old room, so it feels a bit more familiar. Use the washing powder you used at the old house, to keep the smell the same. Do lots of calming soothing things as though he’s a little baby again- sing the old songs, rock him. You need to rebuild the familiar comfortable things in this new place.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3 year olds Behaviour & development Families General parenting
Besidemyselfwithworry · 03/05/2026 20:39

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This exactly
your poor son

NerrSnerr · 03/05/2026 20:40

How long did you live alone before the new partner moved in? I know it sounds like people are being harsh but it sounds like there has been a lot of change in his short life. It’s probably very unsettling.

THATsummergirlera · 03/05/2026 20:41

Oh op this does sound like you moved very fast

I really think you need to prioritise your son here and if that means not living with your partner so be it

BreakingBroken · 03/05/2026 20:46

Let your son live with his dad if that’s what he prefers at this time.
Don’t force him.

Danikm151 · 03/05/2026 20:47

You didn’t come here for judgment but you’re gonna get it!

To a 3 year old that is so much change and confusion. Daddy’s house is his house!

You’re happy to be shacking up with a new guy so soon but you can’t expect him to understand.
Your son should be your first priority.

WhereHasMyPlanetGone · 03/05/2026 20:47

It probably isn’t you personally he doesn’t want to stay with, it’s the whole situation. In a very short space of time he’s moved away from his home, his parents are no longer together, his mum has a new partner, the new partner now lives in a different house with him and his mum… surely you can see why he’s struggling to adapt? Most children would.

pinkpie · 03/05/2026 20:52

OP seriously, are
you oblivious to your sons feelings?
Let me answer this…yes you are

RB68 · 03/05/2026 20:53

You and your boy need more time together and without new partner - sorry but your Son is priority here. I might also ask for some help from a service that can help with some play therapy for him (private is fine) to help him understand the new dynamic. Dads house is his home so of course he is unsettled by your new situation and throwing an albeit known new boyfriend in the mix is too much. He is still a baby and learning to cope with big feelings. Do what best for him.

Passingthrough123 · 03/05/2026 20:55

So you left your DH for another man and left your DS at the same time? Otherwise you'd be saying that your child lives with you, rather than 'stays'. No wonder the poor boy is distraught. Mummy left and he has to stay with her and someone who isn't daddy in a house that he doesn't recognise as his primary residence. I think you should scale back the nights he stays over to just once a week until he's coping better.

catipuss · 03/05/2026 20:59

Is daddy's house the old family house? This would explain a lot their old room, their old house, everything familiar. It will take time, was he always close with his dad and does his dad only have him so his affections are not divided? You and your new partner are probably very involved with each other, even if you think you are giving lots of time to your son.

Glowingup · 03/05/2026 20:59

No, letting a three year old child live full time with his dad and never having overnights with his mum is not a good idea. You need to try to get to the bottom of things and find out why he doesn’t want to stay at yours. You need to ask him in an age appropriate way to tell you. I know everyone is clamouring to say that it’s all your fault with your new boyfriend but that’s not necessarily the case. Is there any chance that your ex has said something to him to make him behave this way?
Also can you clarify the timeline. When did you split? When did you move in with your DP? Did you live on your own for a bit or was it straight in with your DP? Was there ever a time when your DS was happy to stay or has it always been like this?

DogsandFlowers · 03/05/2026 21:00

This is awful actually poor little guy 🥺 it’s like you know the answer you just don’t want to hear it. Why the obsession with moving a strange new cocklodger it????

Arregaithel · 03/05/2026 21:01

Just wondering what kind of stories, you may think, his Daddy could be whispering in his ear, if at all @Aoak96?

Would you expect a 3 year old to have such an extreme reaction to spending time with you, without your husband, your new partner is essentially a stranger (to him) isn't he?.

What are your thoughts as to why your very young son is obviously struggling with the new living arrangements and what do you think could be the solution.

You obviously wouldn't want your son to be traumatised by your choices.

Roads · 03/05/2026 21:03

No, letting a three year old child live full time with his dad and never having overnights with his mum is not a good idea.

I think in this situation it's actually a very sensible idea. The OP will clearly not take the advice of not living with her new partner and prioritising his needs. So rather than force the poor kid to spend all his time with mummy with this stranger in a house he isn't comfortable in spending time with him during the day and allowing him to sleep at dads in a house he feels comfortable in is in his best interests.

Pinkdumpling · 03/05/2026 21:06

Is this a thread were the op as done a runner, because knowone is on her side.

Decacaffeinatednow · 03/05/2026 21:06

Poor kid. Well on the way to a fucked up childhood.

nocoolnamesleft · 03/05/2026 21:07

That's a metric fuckton of change for such a small child. And it does sound very early to have sprung a new partner on him.

sprigatito · 03/05/2026 21:08

You clearly don’t like it OP, but people are going to keep pointing out that you moved your new partner in too quickly because it’s true. It’s too much disruption and too much change for a 3yo whose whole world has imploded. Your house doesn’t feel like home to him and he doesn’t feel secure there. It may not fit with the way you want your life to be, but that’s children for you. You need to put him first, or you may lose him.

Glowingup · 03/05/2026 21:08

Roads · 03/05/2026 21:03

No, letting a three year old child live full time with his dad and never having overnights with his mum is not a good idea.

I think in this situation it's actually a very sensible idea. The OP will clearly not take the advice of not living with her new partner and prioritising his needs. So rather than force the poor kid to spend all his time with mummy with this stranger in a house he isn't comfortable in spending time with him during the day and allowing him to sleep at dads in a house he feels comfortable in is in his best interests.

And how long do you see that arrangement continuing? The OP says this is a recent development and hasn’t been like this from the outset. It is likely to be temporary. It’s also seemingly not restricted to just the nights so should the OP just shrug her shoulders and accept that her son doesn’t want to see her anymore and wants to be with his dad instead? How supportive is the dad being of the contact? Is he playing into this and encouraging the son to act out?
If OP went to court she’d get overnight stays.

Opentoconvo · 03/05/2026 21:08

@Aoak96 so it was okay for the first month but not okay now. That seems odd. Look very closely at what has happened for the change to happen, maybe he was shouted at and got scared. Something has happened for the change to occur.

Purplewarrior · 03/05/2026 21:10

Poor little boy.

Can you move DP out and focus on your child? Or is that too much to ask?

PurpleLovecats · 03/05/2026 21:11

Can your new partner move out again and give you time alone with your son? I assume you and your partner share a room and your son has his own? I imagine his three year old brain is fearful he will need you in the night and there’s a man in mummy’s room so it’s scary going to find her.

OR can you share your son’s room when he is over so he feels safe?