Who should share a room in our blended family home?

[Lost4Madness]

My husband and I have a 4 year old daughter. He has a DD 18years old and DS 16 years old who come to stay 5 days out of 15 (although sometimes less, depending whether they make other plans to go out and remain at their mothers). We’re about to buy our first home and I’m not sure on sleeping arrangements. My husband is adament his eldest DD is to have her own room…but I’m not sure who our DD should share with. Any advice?
PS there’s no other room to use as ‘bedroom’ except a sofa bed in living room.

But again I have to ask because no one else who has suggested this has answered, why is it the DSS who is relegated to the sofa and not given a room? What are different about his needs to the DSD?

I think the father of these children should be prioritising his shared DD having her own space, given that it’s her only home and the other children spend most of their time with the other parent, where they have their own rooms.

Because it’s not possible for them both to have a room of their own and l think privacy is more of a priority for an 18 year old girl than a 16 year old boy who, according to OP clearly has no problem with sleeping downstairs on the sofa, as he does it now.

Why does an 18 year old girl have higher privacy needs than a 16 year old boy?

Ridiculous comment.

That’s not what l said. I specified a 16 year old boy who is currently sleeping on the sofa downstairs with no issues.

Have not RTFT will both kids be coming at the same time much longer? As exams, friends, hobbies and jobs get more important they are inlikely to coordinate. Could they not alternate use of a room with your daughter having the box room? Alternately your DH shares with his son, you share with the youngest and the 18 year old has the boxroom when she is over

You literally said “I think the privacy of an 18 year old girl is a higher priority than a 16 year old boy” are you really going to take the word of a step mum that he’s happy to sleep on the sofa?

Nope. You edited what l said to suit yourself.

Because it’s not possible for them both to have a room of their own and l think privacy is more of a priority for an 18 year old girl than a 16 year old boy who, according to OP clearly has no problem with sleeping downstairs on the sofa, as he does it now.

This is the post you picked up on. This is what l actually wrote, with the relevant bit in bold. All one sentence. What isn’t clear ? If the boy had a problem sleeping on the sofa then yes, things would be different - and in an earlier post l suggested that if there had been a problem they could alternate or visit at separate times, but from what OP says that’s not the case.

And why do you think being a step parent automatically makes OP dishonest ? If anything it’s her DH who has his priorities the wrong way around in not allocating their shared DD her own room in what is her only home.

I think the point is that it’s the father who is adamant about this, not the OP.

He doesn’t even want his older dd to share with his younger dd.

Exactly this. OP is expected to stand back and allow him to allocate the only two rooms spare to his own children, while completely ignoring the needs of their shared child, whose only home this is. If DSS has no problem sleeping downstairs, as seems to be the case, then this is the obvious solution. Perhaps there’s another room downstairs or space for a sofa bed. At their older ages it seems ridiculous to allocate them each their own room when space is at a premium and it’s likely they will be staying over less and less. From what OP says the situation will be no different to the one they have now.

Why can't the 4 yo share a room with mum and dad if OP can't afford a four-bed? Until the eldest moves out/goes to uni?

Your 4yo needs to share with you. 2 teens doing GCSEs and A levels need their own rooms. Put a toddler bed in the master bedroom with you. Divide with a thin divider if you want, but your DH has made a strange choice having a 3rd child if he can’t house her appropriately.

Read the Ops posts.
And stop slagging her and DH off.

The background is horrific

This isn't the right house for your blended family.

Op, I hope you are OK.
It really can't be nice having people pry or say your DH was wrong to have another child.

I'm guessing the 4yo comes into your room a lot any way?
Is that was DH is thinking?

I think posters don’t underhand why they can’t rent a 4 bed like they used to do she. Had 5 kids

obv cost does come into it as well but that would be the obvious solution instead of buying a home that isn’t big enough an won’t be for years

step daughter is 18. Unlikely to move out f or good for years due to high rent costs

so they need to find a solution

4yr lives there fulltime. She needs her own room

i live in a 3 bed. It would be possible to put up a stud wall in either of the 2 larger rooms to make into 2 small ones for the teens to have one each

esp as only staying there 5/14. Not every day

or one of those build cabins in garden for teens. Around £3/4k

I'll take a guess they lived in a cheaper area. But are trying to move away from where accident has happened. The other surrounding areas are more expensive.

We have a snippet of information but we can see them trying to rebuild their lives.

Split biggest room with a divider for two teenagers
second biggest room for you and DH
box room for DD4
when teenagers move out you can shuffle rooms to give dd a bigger one when she’s a bit older

do they have to come at the same time? If they came on different days they could both use the same room.

Exactly.

Surely Dad is going to want some time with all 3 of his kids together?

I haven’t read the whole thread but am very sorry to see that there is a sad backstory to OP’s move.
Whatever occurred I’m another who feels that as there is such a big age gap and 5 days out of 14 is not an insignificant amount time all children need their own room. In these circumstances anything less will just end up causing arguments and a huge amount of family tension
Please don’t think I’m against children sharing bedrooms - I shared with my sister until I went to university. It caused us no problems but there is only a couple of years between us and we knew no different. I think either of us would have been resentful had we had to share with someone else that we weren’t that close to on several days of the week .

Its one day in 3, not 'a few days a month'.

You sound completely uncaring about the step kids - they didn't ask their dad to put them in this positron, and they deserve to not feel pushed out by the new step mum and sister.

If OP didn't want to consider them as 100% part of the family (and it sounds like she does), she shouldn't have married their dad.

I am appalled by the attitude of some posters on here that a partners existing kids are just an inconvenience to be dealt with.

Please don't ever become a step mum.

So what is your solution? Because you sound completely uncaring of OP and her dd.