Who should share a room in our blended family home?

[Lost4Madness]

My husband and I have a 4 year old daughter. He has a DD 18years old and DS 16 years old who come to stay 5 days out of 15 (although sometimes less, depending whether they make other plans to go out and remain at their mothers). We’re about to buy our first home and I’m not sure on sleeping arrangements. My husband is adament his eldest DD is to have her own room…but I’m not sure who our DD should share with. Any advice?
PS there’s no other room to use as ‘bedroom’ except a sofa bed in living room.

I think the girls share a room but possibly when the elder is there and needs the room to study or privacy the younger sleeps in with you and Dad has to sleep on couch or in with DS if there's no room

Four year old sleeps with you guys, or all the kids have their own room and you and DH have the sofa in the living room till someone moves out. My mum and dad were on the sofa bed when it was me and my siblings living in the house until my second oldest brother moved out. It’s not ideal at all, but sometimes has to be done.

Don’t buy a house together unless you can come to a reasonable agreement. He’s clearly very unreasonable

Blame her? The husband is the one with the responsibility to his older children and he shouldn't have had more if he couldn't adequately fulfil his duties to his existing children.

I don't think you know what misogyny means.

4 year old in with you and your husband. In a couple of years she'll be able to move into one if the older kids bedrooms when they have left the nest.

Oh Lord Op, it sounds like it has been the most dreadful time. So your two daughters shared, your son and stepson shared, and step daughter had her own room? But in this last year - during which you lost your son and other daughter, and house - it’s been a struggle to find space and to know who goes where? I imagine the 4 year old is grieving for her two lost siblings, and being in with you and your husband sometimes will help her. If she gets on with her half sister, she’d probably happy to share with her, but I doubt the 18 year old would like it, so having 4 year old in with you when step daughter stays works. The key is going to be kindness and compromise, and I can see why you want to buy a house and provide stability. As has been mentioned, in most areas it’s a buyers market at the moment, so hopefully even if a 3 bed, you can afford a house with a decent sized garden, and save towards the home office in the garden someone suggested. These days you can get ones with plumbing as well as electricity, a bit like a garden granny flat! That way you will have space for each child to have their own permanent space with you in a few years. I really hope this works for you all, and while I agree that your husband doesn’t sound like he’s handing things well, we all react differently to grief, and with you both grieving the loss of two children, well, I think most of us would not be unusual selves - to say the least. I really hope you find a way through, and find peace

This is actually the best solution I’ve seen so far

What is your DHs rationale for DSD18 needing her own room, no compromise, regardless of everyone else’s needs? One assumes that he must HAVE one.
Most three bedroom houses can be reconfigured into 4, by rejigging the master and using some of the landing space in some way to create two small bedrooms. I’d be looking into that possibility, and taking the second bedroom for yourself and DH. If you want to post a floor plan, with room sizes, we could look at whether it could be workable.

I’m guessing no bedroom she won’t come and there relationship will breakdown

OP did your children pass away or are they living with their dad/foster care?

The son isn’t the OP’s

There is a lack of social housing and many many families are classed as over crowded; using dining rooms and living rooms to sleep. Many living in unsuitable temp accom and hotel rooms.

They can afford a house they don’t need it!!

I have a four bedroom house. All four DC have a bedroom each, and DH and I sleep in our living room (dining room is now our living room). Our kitchen is big enough for a large table to seat 6 people.

We are not a blended family but we did this to accommodate our children. That's what you do when you put your children first.

It doesn’t make sense for OP to move into her dining room to accommodate her step-children who are only there a few days per month.

The DH can share with his son.

Perhaps they’d be there more often if they didn’t have to share with a four-year-old

Not OP’s problem.

Well, it is when she’s married to the father of these children 🙄

She doesn’t need to be relegated to the dining room to accommodate her DH’s children. She has one small child, she is allowed to prioritise her and be near her.

OP which 5 days are the step kids with you? You said 5 over 15 is that 2 weekends and one week night? Or one weekend and 3 week nights? Be useful to understand this to help determine the impact to the home.

ie if it’s every weekend it’s not very fair to kick DD out of her bedroom away from her things every weekend.

really as you’re not resident parents of the SCs they presumably have rooms of their own at their mums. They do need space of their own - all of them.

could you consider a simple loft conversion?

Your being ridicules! A sixteen year old boy cannot share with an eighteen year old girl even if it is his sister. It’s just totally inappropriate. It’s not like they are on holiday and it’s only for a week, this should feel like home. The little one will have to go in with its parents.

Many have asked but @Lost4Madness seems to ignore

Yes I don't think it's clear what she meant by that at all

I wouldn't just assume it meant they've passed away

Could be one of the other things other people have mentioned

OP mentions tragic circumstances in a faster post so it would seem they passed away.

She mentioned tragic circumstances in a later post so l would think they passed away. It may be difficult for OP to go into detail about. Which may be why she’s not responding to requests for more information. It doesn’t seem relevant to the question she’s asking.

Exactly this. The step children have their own rooms at the other parents house. DD only has one home and needs her own space. I would be delegating the box room to the DSD and asking DSS to sleep downstairs, or maybe alternating when they stay over.