Am I being unreasonable to question why preschool hasn't informed me that a male preschool worker is helping my daughter with toileting?

[GaqiNa]

This is a very sensitive topic.
My daughter is attending preschool and yesterday I found out a male worker has been helping her with toileting.
I had no idea there was a male worker looking after my child in the first place as he's not listed in the email the preschool has sent to me. I thought there were only female workers looking after my daughter and now out of the blue I find out there's a male in the room.
He's not listed on there website, I can't find any information about this man anywhere. I have seen him randomly when I pick up and drop off my child but I never thought he's looking after my daughter as he's not even listed as part of the team.
I feel I've been deceived by the pre-school not letting me know who's actually looking after my child.
Am I being unreasonable?

I can't find any information about this man anywhere

Other than that they work at the pre school, what do you know of the women?

What information would make you feel more comfortable with him?

Are you prepared to look for a new preschool?

At my dd's nursery new staff don't do nappies /toileting for the first 3 months. Until they have settled in and the dc are comfortable around them. Yanbu to have been expected to have been introduced to the new staff. Male or female - who would be your dc's key worker..

I don't know anything more about the women, but at least I'm aware they're the ones in charge.
My point is that I wasn't told this man would be in my child's room and doing something so sensitive like helping her with toileting. I feel the preschool hasn't been transparent.

My DS was changed by a woman at his nursery. Should I write in a stiff letter of complaint as there is a male worker there who could have done it?

I might suggest that the nursery is closed down due to safeguarding concerns.

I would be curious if all the other staff are listed but he isn't truthfully.

My sons nursery has a male worker but he's not involved in support around toileting and only works with children old enough to toilet independently. This was explained to me when I was seeing around.

I do think it's pertinent but I also think it's on you as the parent to ask these questions if it's a concern you have.

Do they inform the parents of boys if women are helping with toileting?

This is just being deliberately obtuse. There are very fair reasons why someone may not want a male worker providing intimate care for a child such as religious grounds, previous trauma or simply looking at the statistics of sexual abuse in children by male vs female offenders. Parents have a right to make these decisions for their kids with a clear picture.

The nursery will treat the workers exactly the same regardless of sex.

Unless they immediately inform you when a new female worker starts, then they won't inform you if a new male worker starts.

Your DS is vastly more likely to be raped by the man changing his nappy than the woman though.

Is every other staff member listed except this man? If that is the case, then yes I would be very annoyed.

Your NOT being unreasonable. If it was me I would be having a word with the nursery manager, as they were not transparent with it, and also if your not 100% happy with it, that IS okay because she is your daughter.. you decide. A lot of the comments here dont pass the vibe check.

No I would not be okay with it.

Everyone else is listed apart from him.
I would appreciate them telling me about him instead of me finding out from my 3yr old daughter that a man was whipping her backside the other day at preschool.

Whipping her backside? Really?

Wiping.

You are missing the point.
Yes, I would expect them to inform the parents if a new worker that's not part of the existing team is looking after their child

Hopefully!

considering we are told in public toilets if there are going to be male and female attendants you absolutely should be told in nursery.

Oh I'm sorry for my mistake. You see, English isn't my first language, I can speak fluently three more languages on Top of English. How many languages do you speak fluently? And if you do speak another language, do think you wouldn't do any spelling mistake? But we're missing the point agaim...

I would ask for a meeting with nursery management to clarify why other staff members are listed and not this man. What is the reasoning behind that omission.

So many posters being deliberate obtuse or just very naive. A strange man cleaning your daughters genitals is definitely a cause for concern - if it wasn’t, adult women wouldn’t mind exposing their own genitals to strange men. We get female chaperones even in adult clinical settings with male gynaes ffs. The fact he works at the nursery is irrelevant. There’s male security guards at the nursery too, doesn’t make them appropriate or qualified to work in intimate settings with young, vulnerable children.

I would ask what has caused this change, why it wasn’t communicated and that you’d like the previous arrangement (with her female care) reinstated. I’d also ask there be a female chaperone if it does have to be him.

I think you are missing the point here, 'whipping her backside' in the context of the concern you raised could be a very serious allegation...spelling/auto correct aside it took another poster to point out what they thought it should be before I realised you didn't mean whipping too

You said that the man is the only member of staff not listed, but you have only very recently found out about him so there may well be others you don't yet know about not listed, likely new starters and info hasnt been updated yet. Yes I think the nursery should have informed you that your daughter had a new key worker if this is a permanent arrangement but I would have no problems with a man working in a nursery setting - any gender can abuse a child and the nursery should have those risks mitigated for anyone . Your best cause of action is speaking to nursery and getting all the facts and raising what your concerns are with them.

How do we know that he’s a “strange man”?

If he’s employed by the nursery, he’s had the same checks as everyone else to be there. There’s no specific “man DBS.”

I dislike males in nurseries ,,

He's a strange man because he's unknown to the OP, as in a stranger. Pretty obvious.

OP has said she “doesn’t know anything more about the women,” are they all “strange women”?