Am I being unreasonable to question why preschool hasn't informed me that a male preschool worker is helping my daughter with toileting?

[GaqiNa]

This is a very sensitive topic.
My daughter is attending preschool and yesterday I found out a male worker has been helping her with toileting.
I had no idea there was a male worker looking after my child in the first place as he's not listed in the email the preschool has sent to me. I thought there were only female workers looking after my daughter and now out of the blue I find out there's a male in the room.
He's not listed on there website, I can't find any information about this man anywhere. I have seen him randomly when I pick up and drop off my child but I never thought he's looking after my daughter as he's not even listed as part of the team.
I feel I've been deceived by the pre-school not letting me know who's actually looking after my child.
Am I being unreasonable?

Check what I wrote. It was not that 99% of men are predators.

It's OK it's a free world. You're free to assume every guy is a paedophile, as long as you don't make any specific claims about anyone. I would withdraw your child from nursery too, no matter the cost. Nursery, as with many things in society, are based on trust, which you don't seem to have. But you know, to each their own.

You're as happy for men to have intimate access to your daughter as you are for women to have intimate access to your daughter? Really?

You genuinely believe that a woman you don't know changing your daughters nappy has the same risk as a guy you don't know changing your daughters nappy?

You're not being unreasonable OP, you should inform the nursery that you do not consent to your child being toileted by this staff member. I'm guessing you have no objections to him being in the nursery otherwise?

Nope

just put it in perspective

No - incest/SA is complex and not simply about availability - that’s a red herring - but rather power and coercion and dysfunctional family dynamics

young children are far more at risk from family members than at a nursery where staff are screened and safeguarding procedures are in placeAND followed

I think any person who has any kind of intimate access to my child carries risk. So I hope nurseries have things like oversight, where another adult witnesses what goes on with adults and children. I wouldn’t ideally like any adult to be alone with my child regularly. It creates opportunity. Things like that matter more to me than blanket assuming everyone of a given gender must be a paedo.

That's not what I asked.

This is a joke, right? Or just sexism?

Surely if he's qualified this shouldn't matter. I've worked with lots of male nurse colleagues who assist kids with personal care. To the best of my knowledge this is not run by parents first as not applicable unless stated in the child's care plan (eg for religious reasons)

Agreed. I find it incomprehensible as to why people continue to pretend to not see a complete difference in a male giving intimate care versus a female doing it.

Yes, women do commit these types of crimes but men are so much more likely to!

Frankly the worlds gone nuts! Clearly demonstrated by the brainwashed that are saying it doesn't make a difference it absolutely does-thank fully I brought my children up in the 80s where parents had a lot higher expectation and a lot more sense than they obviously do these days. If it were me OP I would remove my child from this nursery AND tell them why.

Could it be as simple as the web site not being updated yet?

I wouldn’t expect to be introduced to a new member of staff unless they were my child’s keyworker.

I slightly get the concern if all of the other staff are listed but he could just be new and they haven’t got around to updating their website yet 🤔

I studied childcare and when I was doing a placement in the toddler room at a nursery there was a little girl who would wet herself all the time because her parents wouldn’t allow the male staff member to take her to the toilet and it was so unfair on that little girl who would be saying she needed a wee but just had to wet herself instead and then have to wait to be changed by a female member of staff 🥺 Please don’t do that to your child unless she seems upset about in which case it could be a concern 🤔

If the sole male staff member was the only option so frequently and for such long periods that this child has no alternative but to wet herself regularly, that's not a consequence of the parents' request - that's a failure of the nursery.

On the slight chance that you misread, noting that over 90% of child sexual offenders are men is not claiming that "99% of men are paedophiles". But I do not actually think that you misread, I think you are an MRA posting in bad faith.

I've had two married m-f couples look after my DDs and all 4 would have done nappy changes. The difference is I chose them, knew them and consented to it.

I definitely think the preschool should inform you of worker changes if they are of the opposite sex to what you believed you were having. Boys with new female workers and girls with new male workers.

Poor comprehension I see.

I wouldn't be ok with this. I wouldn't be happy to have a male I don't know change my son or daughter.

Sad to see such blatant ignorance and sexism. I've worked in nurseries for years, along side multiple make colleagues, whom were wonderful and just as trustworthy and dependable as the women I worked with. And no, we never sent hone notices when a woman was hired, why would we about a man? Never had a complaint against any if them.

It is not ignorant or sexist to state that children (any one in fact) is more at risk from abuse from a man. It is a fact.

You didn't inform your parents when a new member of staff joined the team? Did you introduce them to parents and children or just plop them into a room full of babies/young children?

Do you not recognise the differences between male and female rates of sexual criminality, on the grounds that men and women are equal and therefore the same in your view?

I think it's incredibly inappropriate they omitted this info. Whether you agree with male nursery workers or not, the OP wasn't told of a key care worker involved with her child. She also wasn't given the opportunity to make a choice about comfortability levels with a male worker.

To say, I have spoken to my DCs nursery and requested no male workers are involved in toiletting. I phrased this as politely as I could "I appreciate children having a positive male role model. However, I'm only comfortable with his female caretakers X Y & Z being responsible for toiletting or related care." If they had declined, I would have moved their placement.

A male member of staff should not be toileting girls. I wouldn't allow this for my daughter given the greater risk of abuse.
Make your objection clear OP and ask that they stop but be prepared to move her.
You're not wrong. We need to hold a line here.

People often overlook women touching small children intimately, whether they are girls or boys, but take issue when men do it. It’s ridiculous—no one should be touching small children intimately, regardless of whether it’s a woman or a man, except for the children’s parents. I’ve never trusted anyone I don’t know well to be alone with my children, regardless of whether they’re a man or a woman. People can be monstrous, regardless of such distinctions.

I’ve been advising men to avoid teaching minors, recommending they focus on students over 16 only if it’s something they’re genuinely passionate about. Otherwise, they might look into becoming online private tutors or teaching in virtual schools and programs. With technology advancing so quickly, online education is booming, offering a much safer experience for everyone involved.