Am I being unreasonable to question why preschool hasn't informed me that a male preschool worker is helping my daughter with toileting?

[GaqiNa]

This is a very sensitive topic.
My daughter is attending preschool and yesterday I found out a male worker has been helping her with toileting.
I had no idea there was a male worker looking after my child in the first place as he's not listed in the email the preschool has sent to me. I thought there were only female workers looking after my daughter and now out of the blue I find out there's a male in the room.
He's not listed on there website, I can't find any information about this man anywhere. I have seen him randomly when I pick up and drop off my child but I never thought he's looking after my daughter as he's not even listed as part of the team.
I feel I've been deceived by the pre-school not letting me know who's actually looking after my child.
Am I being unreasonable?

How about the women who sexually abuse children?

Men should not be working in nurseries full stop.

Absolutely spot on, it’s completely unacceptable for females to be helping toilet male children. People need to get a grip, we know there’s totally unacceptable males out there, but equally there are unacceptable females

Why's that? Do you have a solid argument for such discrimination? Or do you just like to keep women in the low paid carer jobs?

I know loads of nursery classes with a max of 3 adults in the room.

Maybe the large numbers of men with a sexual interest in children, and the fact that men with a sexual interest in children are more likely to work with children than other men?
Maybe the numbers of babies and toddlers who have been sexually abused by male workers in the past few years?

Not equally at all, check the crime statistics

Agree not equally, but there are some evil women out there and some of them have also worked in nurseries

That’s outrageous. I have a one year old daughter and every time her nappy needs changing I avert my eyes like a gentleman and bravely leave my wife to deal with the poop by herself lest I be suspected of being a paedophile. Err, no.

So he’s male. So is every father. I’m sure this guy is well qualified to change a young child. You suspect he might be a paedophile based on the fact he is a guy? What about women paedophiles? I think you can never be truly safe - best you quit work and look after your child at home yourself

Is he agency staff?

I would take my child out of the nursery based on the fact that they have a man involved in the intimate care of your child without your consent.

After the recent horrific news about men working in nurseries being caught abusing countless children, studies showing guys involved in these lines of work are up to 3 x more likely to be a paedophile, and group chats full of men all giving each other hints and tips to get jobs working with children in order to abuse them, and the fact that men are responsible for the vast majority of sex crimes, I would want the choice of having one take care of the intimate needs of my child.

Be careful here OP
You have every right to know who is caring for your child. However the nursery will not be able to be treating male workers differently from female ones.

But whipping means hitting so its important to clarify you meant wiping, regardless of how many languages you're fluent in.

He could be a student or a supply teacher. However, I would ask about this if you are not happy. I believe, I could be wrong but it’s unusual for a child to be alone with another adult.

These threads attract men’s rights activists in great swarms, OP.

From the ONS:

perpetrators of child sexual abuse were most often male (91.3%)

https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/crimeandjustice/bulletins/abuseduringchildhoodinenglandandwales/march2024

Men have been able to train as nursery nurses for years. I worked with a male nursery worker back in the early 70s. Surely having male role models in their care settings is a good idea?

I agree OP. The stats on this are very clear, men are far more likely to commit sexual crimes against children than women. Not just a bit more likely - the difference is huge. I would be very concerned and wouldn't be happy. My child's safety is more important than the feelings of a man.

That study also says that the main perpetrators were known to the child, and that it most commonly occurred in either a domestic or public setting (such as a park).

So in terms of “strangers” and nurseries, not that relevant.

I also agree with you, OP. I wouldn't be happy.

I'd love to quit my job and look after my child 24/7 but I can't, life is too expensive.
I didn't say he's a pedophile but I would want to have the option to choose if I would want him to help my daughter with the toilet. And the truth is I don't want any man touching my 3yr old daughter, that's my preference and I don't think I should be judged for it. They do give me an option whether I want a male or female doctor, don't they? So why can't I choose who's going to care for my vulnerable child?
The stats show that men are far more likely to be predators, that's how it is even if society doesn't want to accept it, that's a fact.
So I couldn't care less if my behaviour is discriminatory towards men, lowering the chance my child to be abused is more important.

So many people here are missing the point. In the name of ‘equality’, some are willing to overlook concerns about children’s comfort and safety. Caring for very young children, especially when it involves personal care, is a sensitive area. Many parents feel more comfortable when these roles are carried out by women, and that perspective shouldn’t be dismissed. The issue here is also about transparency. The OP has every right to be concerned, particularly if this staff member was not introduced to parents or listed on the nursery’s staff page.

Are you aware of sex crime statistics who is more likely to commit them?

Do you really think there is no difference between men and women?

If you were seeing a male or female doctor and accepted the offer of a chaperone would you expect to see a man?

It’s not about equality, it’s about the language we use and the connotations that carries.

It’s not reasonable to call someone strange because they did their job, which they are legally entitled to do.

There is one man works in my son’s SENd school, and he’s a teacher. Shall they go and collect him everytime he needs changing? Ridiculous idea. Really obviously a ridiculous idea.

Men are far more likely to be predators? Hm. So in your world 99% of men are paedophiles, and the odd 1% are just not yet paedophiles. My my. What a world to live in. What a bleak place.

Absolutely.

It is false to think equal always means the same.