Ex expects extra child care for holiday, but I cannot manage

[Ref5217]

I’m interested in opinions please. I have my children every other weekend and Thursday evenings for food. My ex has told me, not asked, but told me that I am having my children Thursday to Monday so she can go on holiday with her husband. I have told her I cannot do this, due to work Friday and Monday. she has told me that it’s down to me to arrange childcare for the Thursday and Sunday nights. I know I will collect the children from school on Thursday and when I go to take them home, she would have gone on holiday. What can I do about this? I’ve told her repeatedly I can’t do it, but once they are with me, they will end up being with me because they have nowhere else to go!

You take time off like any normal parent would or you speak with family to see if anyone can help or you sort paid childcare. It's not really fair if she's given you no notice but they are your DCs so it's a case of cracking on with it really!

Did she not give you notice (just wondering) because she knew you'd say no? This way she has it booked and you have no choice. I sense a big old back story with this.

Good luck, and well done for looking for help and advice even if people laid into you

I believe the words used by OP here were "looking for opinions". Which he got. He didn't actually say that he wanted help or advice.

If he wanted to see his children more he could have stated what he had done to get more access to his children, but nothing like that was stated. It would be natural to conclude from that that he doesn't actually want to see them more but wants to know what people think about his ex repeatedly asking him to have a couple of extra days then forcing the issue despite his refusals.

That doesn't make him a prince among men to me, frankly. Look at "once they are with me, they will end up being with me because they have nowhere else to go!" Doesn't that make you sad for these kids? He sounds so uninvested in his own children!

And you - are proving my point.

have a lovely day.

Take some holiday. And some responsibility for your own kids.

Ragebait

Once they are with me, they will end up being with me because they have nowhere else to go!..........
That's being a parent, you both are where the buck stops......well you 4 weekend nights per month, who's looking after them 25/26 nights of the month ? Jesus, practice smiling at your kids, it's not their fault you don't view them as part of your life. Grow up and watch your own kids for once, surprise your ex with fun stories and offer of them staying longer next week too. Have a good look at yourself, you are the problem here

50:50? 😂 He’s whinging about being made to do more than 13%

You suck it up and wish her a lovely break. Be a decent person to the woman who raises your children 90% of the time.

How long ago did she first let you know about this?

The OP hasn’t been back. Stop taking the bait people!

Yes. Move along, nothing to see here folks.

This weekend coming? In UK?
Friday and Monday are public holidays, so unlikely to be any holiday clubs open even if OP is real and is working those days.

As others have said, you're their father, so you look after them. You take time off work (gasp!), you pay a nanny or you find friends/family to help. If she's given you no notice, that's not on, and you should discuss it and come to an agreement about future holidays and childcare when she's back. On that subject, do you not care for the children half the school holidays? If not, that's probably why she's done this and you should start.

Well he’s refusing to have his children this weekend isn’t he? So there’s that

I’m a massive fan SSSIS but this guy clearly isn’t planning to move to 50/50 when he won’t take them for a long weekend. If it was legal and nuclear he’d have mentioned.

Maybe a wind up but I’d say you’d take your daughter for a long weekend at short notice no bother.

I saw a very good post recently that made me think about these types of situations, “some men want children like children want a puppy.” That is that they like the idea but don’t want to do the work involved to take care of them. It is time to stop being one of “those” men @Ref5217 you are getting away very easily in the normal course of events now you need to do more to cover a holiday.

The woman is entitled to a holiday - after all you are only with your children 4 days out of 30 🙄

No one can say for sure whether you are being unreasonable or not since we don’t know the history - for all we know she is left to sort and pay for childcare on every school holiday as well as before/after school to facilities her working because you won’t do more than every other weekend because of your “work” . Maybe she takes them to every hobby and party and arranges 99% of their loves and thinks maybe you should have a small taste of what her life is like by doing a whole extra 2 days!!!

or you could not be like that all but no one here knows!

I don't know if anyone has mentioned it, but it's Good Friday and Easter Monday this weekend, so a lot of people are not working this weekend anyway. Is this getting in the way of your own plans?

I find it rather difficult to believe that the woman who is responsible enough to manage more than 80 percent of the parenting was also disorganized enough to give the OP a couple of days notice of a holiday, unless it was payback for him previously giving her short notice that he wouldn’t be available for his weekend.

So your ex is expecting you to have your children for an extra couple of days so she can go on a short holiday? OMG how dare she expect you to parent your children!!

If the roles were reversed.............

This is so clearly a wind up.

What's going on with MN these days?

Have we collectively become stupid?

I miss how it used to be.

So funny that you think she's the one being unreasonable.
She does most of the childcare normally and you begrudge her a few days holiday. They are your kids too remember. Parenting isn't just about doing what's convenient.

YABU. They are your kids. She presumably gets the same 6 weeks as A/L as everyone else and yet you expect her to do what for the other 7 weeks of school holidays? You should be having them for your 6 weeks of A/L too.

Do you cover any of the school holiday days normally or just have you children every other weekend and a thurs evening, not overnight?
What happens when you go on holiday and can't make your normal contact?

Off your initial post - you are being unreasonable as it seems you don't do half the holidays or have you children much at all. If you have told you ex repeatedly you cant, it seems you have had notice to book annual leave or sort something out. Just because you work, isn't an excuse not to have your children.

If you update with actually you already do half the childcare cover for the holidays and you ex has plenty of time she could have chosen from when you already have your DC, then I'd say you are not being unreasonable. But I doubt this is the case, as you would have mentioned it already